Watch the above video first, to understand what the Zeigarnik Effect is and think about not having closure with a narcissist as you watch this. Unfinished business. Being discarded. This also speaks to grief and feeling that you were unable to say what you needed to say, or questions you wanted answered at the end of someone’s life. Someone sent me a different video from Facebook this morning and my mind immediately went to narcissism and the hold it has on us when we are let go, like we never existed in their life. Yes, this can also be explained by cognitive dissonance, but I think what keeps us stuck (re-occurring thoughts) is the Zeigarnik Effect.
Usually when you ask a long-term married couple what made their relationship a success, they will say “communication.” This is a familiar tried and tested term they probably heard other people say. It is not really an answer, it is a word that requires an explanation. What does communication mean? And, the magic answer is two people (or more) listening to one another. Whether you are in a conference room, a relationship, talking to friends at happy hour, listening is the key to having good communication. We can talk all day long but if it isn’t registering, if the person isn’t validating and asking clarifying questions, if they are dissociating, if they are looking away from you often and not really turning toward you, if there is defensiveness (or criticism, contempt or stonewalling), they are not listening and therefore you are not communicating. You are talking. So, let’s dig deeper to talk about what this really looks like.
This past weekend I went to the Donald J. Trump and Jeffrey Epstein memorial reading room in Columbus, Ohio. I had to pass through a security guard, the police were there, they had to protect us from people who might try to bring ruin to the truth of these women’s voices. They could not even post the event on the events website for fear of someone trying to take advantage in a negative way. What I was left with was feeling a terrible sense of not being able to trust people with power more than I had ever felt before. Prior to walking in, there was a sense of this, people said that you shouldn’t, but after looking at and facing all these mounds of evidence (3700+ books of depositions, artwork from survivors, a timeline of events, and the red books that you could open and peruse – which did not have survivor information as the 3700 white books did), one can not look away. People don’t lie about being raped. Some of the names I saw, who were involved, were some new ones not shared in the media. I found my mouth gaping a few times. Look for this “bookmobile” to come to your hometown.
Charlotte Gainsbourg is a French and British actress who has made films in several different countries: France, America, UK, Australia. In fact, my first time to see her in a film and began to take notice was the 2010 Australian film, The Tree. I actually thought she was Australian until I saw her in several more films. While she is not a raving beauty like Audrey Fleurot or a funny – cutsie actress like Audrey Tautou, I find her very cerebral and sophisticated, which makes her gorgeous. The roles she has played have been quite diverse, and like a chameleon she could be given almost any storyline and make you believe she is this person. Her movements on screen make her seem quite flexible almost like a puppet with no strings (Pinocchio). I say this because she is not what you would typically call graceful when she walks, I can’t imagine trying to imitate her and yet she is fascinating with this signature style she seems to own. Maybe France knows and understands her, but here in the U.S. I think we need to pay more attention, especially those of us who can handle her type of films.
It has taken me a long time to read this book and this is because I was getting married, putting my birth father (who I don’t have much of a relationship with) into assisted living, dealing with my business and other things that occur on a day to day basis. At the same time, any time I read a woman’s non-fiction book about our history, I find it difficult to take in the gravity of what is being said. Usually, it makes me angry and sick to my stomach and I often have to put the book down. It is hard to sit with what has happened to women in history or even in modern times. This book validated what I have felt all along. It is well written and researched and provided the necessary discussion topics, should I wish to do so or write about here.
Dolly Parton died on August 25, 2026, and since then, I have been thinking about her personality – how it was formed in a nicer more gentler time (pre-computers) vs. now with people being split based on their opinions. Opinions that have made a sharp and very extreme change since COVID. Dolly helped people feel calm from what I can see. She refused to talk politics – which was one of the three things you should never discuss in company. I have been looking for a copy of her memoir from 1994 – which she wrote and I hope will be republished. I’d rather read her own words. I am not too fascinated with her costumes or her singing, but I think she was a wonderful writer, a great human being and she represents the end of old country. This is what I miss the most about country music – which you can’t find any country radio station willing to play. A time when these men and women had to hawk their wares at town festivals, drive around the country pushing their 45’s to disc jockeys and hoping to get on the stage at the Grand Ole Opry. This was long before TV contests and Youtube. It was a time when these people grew up dirt poor and you could feel it in their music. They were not entitled but appreciative of their Appalachian heritage. Dolly was around for all of them, Patsy, Loretta, Tammi, Roy and Buck, Johnny and June, all the Carter sisters, Hank and George, so many legends with some leaving us much too soon.
Firstly, I live in Ohio, my birth father lives in Florida. I have no idea when the VA diagnosed him with dementia, I began realizing over the phone something was wrong a year or so ago. I started getting calls from his landlord (who lived with him) last year and we kept in touch. In June, he gave him till the end of July to leave. This was on me as Stan wouldn’t have remembered and they may have had words. I found out a month ago, that luckily, he signed me up as his medical power of attorney. He gave me some paperwork in around 2016 and I assumed it was for after he died. I didn’t really read it or look it over too carefully. Having worked in Children’s Protective Services, (albeit in CA), I assumed it wouldn’t be too hard dealing with the Adult version in FL. Boy, was I wrong. When I say a person has to be out of the house they are renting by July 31st, this does not mean August 4th. But, when you deal with the government, you are on their time. It doesn’t matter what you need or want. I am sure this issue is in every state though, not just Florida. Also, there is more to the story. This is not the man who raised me but a man I have been in touch with a couple of times a year.
AI’s attempt at creating a photo of Jung, Nietzsche and Gandhi having a discussion.
My best sessions are those in which a client is there to learn, to grow, to explore, to heal. I enjoy someone who comes in ready to go. Who shows up on time (or lets me know they are on their way) because this means they respect the process and my time. I am there to aide you on your journey. I don’t know everything but I do know psychology. I trust my intuition to guide me. I trust your body language or the somatic resonance created in the room that I am witnessing.
Next month when I marry the man I love, I will be 64 years old. It is both of our second time around but this time it is conscious, eyes wide open, no lies, no abuse, no bs. The sales person in one of the jewelry stores was wanting me to act excited over a ring, she was in her 20’s. I explained that it isn’t like I am shocked or surprised or grateful that this man wants to marry me. I know exactly what I am getting in to. We bought our rings from someone who was kind and unconcerned about my expression. While she was in her 20’s as well, she was grateful for the sale. She wasn’t pushy or annoying, just being herself. I know who I am now and it is the lessons I learned along the way, the aging process that brought me to my older wiser more comfortable self. There are no surprises anymore, just choice.
As we go about celebrating 250 years, I think about how our world has turned upside down and inside out. Has anyone seen the movie Idiocracy (2006)? We are about to send off fireworks as if nothing has happened, just for the sake of having this mind numbing experience. People will have cookouts, drink beer, families will gather together but no one will be conscious of what is happening in our world right now. The end of civilization, the end of human connection, the end of empathy, and valuing humanity. I don’t need to “try” to be negative here, the facts of our present and future are so obvious. Our founding fathers were focused on providing us life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. All of this declaration was to make us free from the crown, so that we might establish our own country and have an ability to create our own rules and decide on our welfare. What cost is this taking from us, as the crown is now Corporate America who could care less about our individual rights, our well-being and our livelihood.
A Frequent Blog of Devotionals Inspired by A Course in Miracles, A Course of Love, The Way of Mastery, Choose Only Love--Plus More . . . with Celia Hales - https://www.amazon.com/author/celiahales
