Category Archives: Psychology

Getting Married at 64 – Eyes Wide Open

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Getting married the second time around – for both of us, we had our eyes wide open. This was more honest, clear, conscious and rewarding.

As a result, there were no young adult expectations, everything was discussed up front and no uncommunicated concerns about moving forward in marriage. Our first marriages lasted about five minutes – so to speak, both were abusive, emotionally and mentally immature and both had no qualms about breaking vows. Oddly, both our ex’s were veterans, though I don’t blame the military for their lack of responsibility – mental health issues were clearly to blame. Paul and I believe in loyalty, fidelity and emotional commitment. We are clear that this marriage is for the rest of our lives and we treat our marriage, as we have our relationship the last three years, as a team. Nothing will change for us, other than we are “legal” now and our love became even deeper as we said our vows. What lessons I have learned about getting married and the process of having a wedding, I will share with you here.

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Finding a Home for Stanley – The Burdens of Dementia

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Taken in the late 80’s.

Firstly, I live in Ohio, my birth father lives in Florida. I have no idea when the VA diagnosed him with dementia, I began realizing over the phone something was wrong a year or so ago. I started getting calls from his landlord (who lived with him) last year and we kept in touch. In June, he gave him till the end of July to leave. This was on me as Stan wouldn’t have remembered and they may have had words. I found out a month ago, that luckily, he signed me up as his medical power of attorney. He gave me some paperwork in around 2016 and I assumed it was for after he died. I didn’t really read it or look it over too carefully. Having worked in Children’s Protective Services, (albeit in CA), I assumed it wouldn’t be too hard dealing with the Adult version in FL. Boy, was I wrong. When I say a person has to be out of the house they are renting by July 31st, this does not mean August 4th. But, when you deal with the government, you are on their time. It doesn’t matter what you need or want. I am sure this issue is in every state though, not just Florida. Also, there is more to the story. This is not the man who raised me but a man I have been in touch with a couple of times a year.

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Getting the Most Out of Psychotherapy

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Three men in period clothing discussing at a table in a study room
AI’s attempt at creating a photo of Jung, Nietzsche and Gandhi having a discussion.

My best sessions are those in which a client is there to learn, to grow, to explore, to heal. I enjoy someone who comes in ready to go. Who shows up on time (or lets me know they are on their way) because this means they respect the process and my time. I am there to aide you on your journey. I don’t know everything but I do know psychology. I trust my intuition to guide me. I trust your body language or the somatic resonance created in the room that I am witnessing.

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A Woman and the Aging Process: Sex, Love and So Much More

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Next month when I marry the man I love, I will be 64 years old. It is both of our second time around but this time it is conscious, eyes wide open, no lies, no abuse, no bs. The sales person in one of the jewelry stores was wanting me to act excited over a ring, she was in her 20’s. I explained that it isn’t like I am shocked or surprised or grateful that this man wants to marry me. I know exactly what I am getting in to. We bought our rings from someone who was kind and unconcerned about my expression. While she was in her 20’s as well, she was grateful for the sale. She wasn’t pushy or annoying, just being herself. I know who I am now and it is the lessons I learned along the way, the aging process that brought me to my older wiser more comfortable self. There are no surprises anymore, just choice.

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What is a Woman: Maya Angelou

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Maya Angelou LA Times

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

~

Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?

’Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells

Pumping in my living room.

~

Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I’ll rise.

~

Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops,

Weakened by my soulful cries?

~

Does my haughtiness offend you?

Don’t you take it awful hard

’Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines

Diggin’ in my own backyard.

~

You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I’ll rise.

~

Does my sexiness upset you?

Does it come as a surprise

That I dance like I’ve got diamonds

At the meeting of my thighs?

~

Out of the huts of history’s shame

I rise

Up from a past that’s rooted in pain

I rise

I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

~

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear

I rise

Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear

I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise

I rise

I rise.

~~~

She is talking about women. Real women. The history of black women which can ring true for all women. There was a time when all women had no rights, they were the objects and under the control of men. Now we are in a time when men are trying a new way to objectify women by claiming they “are” women. You can make it up but it will never be the same. Plastic surgery, hormone shots, chopping off your dick to be a eunuch. You will never be a woman. You will only be a Eunuch; a guy without a dick. Stay in your own lane and leave us alone. We have fought our fought and won. Now you are making us fight again. The new misogyny. A raping of women, pretending we are one.

What is a Woman: Edna St. Vincent Millay

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Edna St. Vincent Millay (storyinprogress.substack.com)

I, being born a woman and distressed by Edna St. Vincent Millay 

I, being born a woman and distressed

By all the needs and notions of my kind,

Am urged by your propinquity to find

Your person fair, and feel a certain zest

To bear your body’s weight upon my breast:

So subtly is the fume of life designed,

To clarify the pulse and cloud the mind,

And leave me once again undone, possessed.

Think not for this, however, the poor treason

Of my stout blood against my staggering brain,

I shall remember you with love, or season

My scorn with pity,—let me make it plain:

I find this frenzy insufficient reason

For conversation when we meet again.

~~~

Distressed now by men who won’t stay in their own lane. Who want to occupy ours because being a man isn’t good enough for them and they believe the grass is greener. Once again, finding new ways to possess women in sports, prisons, locker rooms, women’s organizations, where we have fought to have our own sacred and safe space. Laws designed to protect us once, we now have to clarify sex and fight once more. XX-XY

What is a Woman: Tacocat

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Man pointing finger at woman who looks down holding papers in office hallway
Now men are trying to tell us we should accept them if they want to be a woman. They are just like “us.” Stay in your own lane boys. Be proud of who you are.

Men Explain Things to Me: Written by Lelah Maupin, Eric Randall, Brianna Mckenna, Emily E Nokes

Explain it to me
Explain it to me
Explain it to me, again

Though I know all about the words you’re spitting out
The floor is yours without a yawn
I already know where this is gonna go (I already know)
Where this is gonna go

Tell me to calm down
Tell me to calm down
Tell me to calm down, again

Don’t tell me what to do
My feelings won’t subdue
Just because you told them to
You’re a cliché, useless in every way (you’re a cliché)
You’re a cliché

Take up the whole sidewalk
Take up the whole sidewalk
Take up the whole sidewalk, again

This land is your reign in the palm of your hand
I walk around so you can stand
You’re in my way every day
You’re in my way, you’re in my way
We get it dude, already heard enough from you
The turning point is overdue

What is a Woman: Aretha Franklin and Annie Lennox

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Aretha Franklin and Annie Lennox (reddit.com)

Now there was a time
When they used to say
That behind every “great man”
There had to be a “great woman”

But in these times of change
You know that it’s no longer true
So we’re coming out of the kitchen
‘Cause there’s something we forgot to say to you (we say)

Sisters are doing it for themselves
Standing on their own two feet
And ringing on their own bells
Sisters are doing it for themselves, yeah

Now this is a song to celebrate
The conscious liberation of the female state
Mothers, daughters and their daughters too, yeah
Woman to woman
We’re singing with you

The “inferior sex” got a new exterior (yeah)
We got doctors, lawyers, politicians too
Everybody, take a look around
Can you see? Can you see? Can you see?
There’s a woman right next to you

Sisters are doing it for themselves (oh yes, we are)
Standing on their own two feet
And ringing on their own bells
Sisters are doing it for themselves

Now we ain’t making stories
And we ain’t laying plans
‘Cause a man still loves a woman
And a woman still loves a man
(Just the same though)

Sisters are doing it for themselves

There was a time (there was a time)
When they used to say (when they used to say)
That behind every great man
There had to be a great woman

But in these times of change
You know that it’s no longer true
So we’re coming out of the kitchen
‘Cause there’s something we forgot to say to you (we say)

Sister are doing it for themselves
Standing on their own two feet
And ringing on their own bells
Sisters are doing it for themselves

~~

Sister’s are doing it for themselves now and men are trying to take advantage by riding on our rails. They weren’t here before when we had no rights. This is a new form of misogyny these men who want to “be” women and take our power away from us. Walking in our locker rooms, bathrooms, taking advantage of us in sports; ripping our scholarships and trophies away from us, no where can a woman turn these days and feel we have a safe space from these men. A new type of rape of the woman – raping us of our rights. These rights that we have fought long and hard for, which men already had. XX-XY

What is a Woman: Jeannine Vegh

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Wise Woman

Walks Alone.
Stands Tall.
Sees and observes; Questions and speaks.

She is not well loved or even understood – because she knows many things yet to unfold.

People fear her or scold her as she will not deny nor conform.
What they don’t know they will not allow anyone else to either.
Yet others see and acknowledge and accept what she has to offer.

And she would suffer
Humility, yet show a brave woman with stamina and courage.

She would commit herself to a challenge if she would learn.

She would love with her heart even though it might break.

While others are following one by one as the head of the line tells them what to do – she would stand by the side and consider the pros and cons.

If there is a job to do it will be done.

When you need a friend there will be one.

Wise but not perfect; learned and perhaps educated.

A nurturer who remains detached and conscious of her soul; the whole world as it affects one.

The wise woman is not necessarily the leader yet she would succeed in keeping her wits about her and always come out on top.

The wise woman is the person you ought to seek and know.

copyright 2005 Jeannine Vegh

What is a Woman: Helen Reddy

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Copy of the album when it came out in 1972 by EMI

I am Woman – Written by Helen Reddy and Ray Burton

I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much to go back and pretend
‘Cause I’ve heard it all before
And I’ve been down there on the floor
No one’s ever going to keep me down again

Whoa, yes, I am wise
But it’s wisdom born of pain
Yes, I’ve paid the price
But look how much I gained

If I have to I can do anything
I am strong [(strong)]
I am invincible [(invincible)]
I am woman

You can bend but never break me
‘Cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I’ll come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
‘Cause you’ve deepened the conviction in my soul

Whoa, yes, I am wise
But it’s wisdom born of pain
Yes, I’ve paid the price
But look how much I gained

If I have to I can do anything
I am strong [(strong)]
I am invincible [(invincible)]
I am woman

I am woman, watch me grow
See me standing toe-to-toe
As I spread my loving arms across the land
But I’m still an embryo
With a long, long way to go
Until I make my brother understand

Whoa, yes, I am wise
But it’s wisdom born of pain
Yes, I’ve paid the price
But look how much I gained

If I have to I can face anything
I am strong [(strong)]
I am invincible [(invincible)]
I am woman

Oh, I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong
I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong
I am woman

~~~~~~~~~

No one can understand what it is to be a woman unless you are born in our body. XX-XY