A question I frequently ask my female clients mid-40’s and over, is about menopause. Have they begun, are they in it or have they completed the cycling. Many women do not know that they are in the beginning stages, just as I did not in my late 40’s. It can go on for many years before you are actually completing that one year pause – no more monthly cycles at all. You will deal with so many things psychologically. This is the main reason I am asking as a psychotherapist. Is it menopause, or has your life just begun to head in a very strange direction? I also recommend reading “The Fifth Decade,” by Dr. Deborah Wagner as it helped me find direction. Validation really. I was going through a very odd crisis.

Menopause isn’t like puberty, it is much more abrasive. You are more aware and sometimes you become strangely more aware. You have anxiety/worry and even panic attacks. Your anxiety might cause you to imagine things that you know are unbelievable but you go with it anyway. If you are about to have a monthly cycle, the day before can be filled with anger and rage and once the cycle kicks in the next day, you are in heaven. You feel elated. You can go months without a cycle and that one year minus counting begins. Then, out of nowhere, you get a make-up session and you are at Kroger at 2 am buying overnights (something I did not know existed before then). These are just some of the pre-menopausal symptoms. The ones you don’t really hear about.

When you are in the middle of this, your monthly cycle is preparing for that final moment. One you won’t even realize unless you are keeping track. That last month to ever have a cycle. When you are done, you are done. You feel a strange emptiness inside and then you don’t really give it much thought ever again. At first it seems like everything is going to be alright and then you get into a relationship and realize you are like the Sahara dessert. This is daunting and uncomfortable. For some it causes bleeding and chafing. I have yet to find an answer for this as there are so many ads out there from companies that don’t reliably list their company. Be cautious!

At the same time, being in this final stage of your feminine aging process, you have now reached that place of attaining some form of enlightenment. You are no longer a child, you have reached or bypassed the normal milestones in adulthood. By this I mean, children, marriage, buying a home, career steps. You have become an older mature woman. With this I mean you are more knowledgeable and sure of yourself. Most women that is. Some, who never took the time to work on themselves mentally, spiritually and physically, well, they are old. However, it is not too late. It is never too late. You can be lazy and sedentary or you can continue the aging process in a healthy way which will bring happiness, joy and more enlightened thoughts.

The final stage of life doesn’t need to mean waiting to die. It is a moment of retirement planning. Of realizing all that you have accomplished in life. Of finally writing that book or travelling to the place you have always dreamed of seeing. It is a time to invest in your hobbies and maybe even create a secondary income stream from this. If you have a passion for genealogy, this is a time to explore your roots. To read all the books you want. Perhaps get a degree, take motivational workshops, the sky is the limit. Don’t prepare to die, prepare to utilize your time wisely.

My personal goal is to never end up in a retirement home. This is why I continue to exercise (wisely and in tune with my body), I drink water, take vitamins, eat healthy, meditate daily, rest and exercise my brain (which comes from work-outs, mind games – crosswords or jigsaw). My favorite mind game is watching foreign movies. Reading subtitles and picking up on words. You learn so much about a culture from a TV series. I am planning to travel to Europe in a couple of years, with my husband (to be at the moment) and I am investing in learning another language.

We have one plan if things go wrong health wise, or unexpected. We are travelling to Switzerland to end our life, so that we are not a burden to each other or anyone else. I have seen the travesties of nursing home life many times and I watched a beloved “family” member die with Alzheimer’s. I hear stories from my clients too (about their families). If I can’t make choices, have a critical mind or have mobility, I have no intentions of wasting my energy and falling apart day by day. But, I won’t allow myself to get there either. Cause and effect. I listen (read stories) to aging women who have made wise choices along the way and continue to have a quality life. I shall and you can too! Don’t give up on yourself, ever.

Hey, I am 63 and I don’t look like most women I see my age. This has been my life mission. To stay youthful and beautiful sans plastic surgery, or other treatments designed to make you look like a ridiculous old American movie star. Instead, I look at European women who do not take any treatments, like Catherine Deneuve and Isabelle Huppert plus so many more like them. These are women who have aged gracefully and on purpose. Some obviously have great appetites, and others continue to eat light, either way, they seem happy and in charge of themselves. Ms. Deneuve’s daughter remarked in a movie that they made (based on her daughter’s father), that her mother had never had to have an audition because people wanted her. Even now, as she continues to be seen in French films in a role of a sage woman.

Getting older is a remarkable place to be. If you don’t fight it, but understand it and flow with it, you will enjoy your life tremendously. There is always that mirror to tell you what has changed. Moisturizer has always been my friend. Yet you can’t let this bother you. Experiment with make-up and hairstyles and explore the new you that you are becoming.

The greatest gift you can give yourself is to love yourself as you are. At this stage in my life, I know I am in my best place. I no longer care about what others think, I have achieved a lot in life and I have learned from my mistakes. I am very independent, strong, stubborn, set boundaries and ask for what I want. All the things I was afraid to do (or to be) as a younger woman. Being an older woman is an exceptional place to be.

“The best part is that you finally turn into the person that you were meant to be all along. And perhaps that’s not always a happy finding. But I think if you try to live your life with an understanding that other people matter, that connections matter, and that love matters, then you won’t be disappointed with who that person is that you truly are.” Paulina Porizkova

Embrace the aging process and be one with the sage in you.