When you listen, everything you need to know is right there. A person who is talking, is not doing so to waste their energy. They are talking to communicate with you. Explain their boundaries, voice their needs, and to explain who they are. In a relationship, whether it is friend, boss, co-worker, or lover, listening is the best way to have a healthy partnership with the person receiving the words. When we do not listen, we miss out on the connection. When we misunderstand, we ass…u…me. When we ignore, we are focused on ourself, our Ego. The answers are right there. All you need to know about someone, they are telling you.

I am a psychotherapist, I work with people who are frustrated because you are not listening.

I get frustrated when my clients don’t follow-up on homework assignments too. I know that if they would just do x, y, z…their lives would improve and they wouldn’t need me at all. Why do we waste our money on psychotherapy if we are not going to do the work?

I find myself becoming impatient when I give support in session and at the end the client says “I just don’t know what to do.” Or they continue to come back and have the same issue and I say “Did you look into that book I mentioned,” or some other resource provided and they say “No.” I can empathize with it taking time to receive the gift provided. Sometimes we are just not ready. I will explain this in a different way. Then the person is either going to give it a try or not. You can lead a horse… And, sometimes, people just want someone to talk to and they really aren’t interesting in working on themselves. I am not altruistic, I like to watch growth. And when they don’t, I continue to listen, or refer out.

Why get into a relationship with someone if you are going to sit back and take advantage? If you have all the answers and don’t care what your partner has to say? People come into couples counseling because they are not listening. I teach them to listen, but some people are just not interested, so they disappear. They only came in to blame the other person and realize I am going to listen to both of them. Those couples who listen, heed the exercises and tools I have presented them with. And when they do, they flourish in richer and more happier relationships. The faster they are on board – willing to listen – the less time it takes. Even when they are a challenge, I can see when people are shifting their consciousness, just a tiny bit – which is hopeful.

Why stay friends with someone who is wasting your time and energy? They have all the answers – they know what is best for you – right? No, you know what is best for you, but at the same time, it is always worth listening to what someone else has to say. Our ego gets in the way, on both sides, because we believe we are right. No one is perfect and so listening helps us to look at what we have not thought of, whether we like it or not.

Carl Jung spoke of the Shadow. This is that part of us that we are in denial about, we hide, we are ashamed of. “As long as it stays in our unconscious, we are not truly whole,” said Catherine Ballard, who presented at a workshop I attended this past weekend (Jung Haus: Columbus, Ohio). When we try to merge with the shadow, we might end up with imposter syndrome. This is where we are allowing ourselves to be all we have dreamed of, but are afraid someone will find out we are a fraud. We are not, we are going through the motions in a dissociative state, doing what feels right but not feeling grounded with this direction. Listening to your inner voice and working with the gifts you are given, will help you to feel at…one with yourself. To be in sync with your higher power, your intuitive wisdom that brought you to where you are.

There are many books on Shadow work, I invite you to check these out (or find a workshop on this topic). There are many Jungian branches around the world that offer support on this.

Yesterday, I spoke on meditation. This helps clear away the ego, so that we are open to our inner voice, our intuitive wisdom. It helps us to stay grounded in our own reality. To feel centered within. Our intuition helps guide us to the right book to read, the person to hang out with, to listen to what is being said to us, so many directions to take you where you need to go. Realize it is not just one thing when it comes to having an awareness of ones self. And, paying attention is key.

Paying attention to whatever you hear from whatever source is around you. There are moments, when you just know, “I was meant to hear this.” Then you must sit in contemplation/meditation, to find out what was the deeper meaning behind what you heard.

I call this that uncomfortable moment when you hear inner wisdom but don’t like what it is telling you. When we ignore listening to our higher consciousness, it won’t become very strong and won’t want to stick around. When we listen, it becomes stronger. You become wiser, more confident, and more centered on your boundaries and who you are.

Our ego stops us from listening. This is the key word I am explaining here – the ego gets in the way of growth. It keeps us whining about our problems, blaming others, not taking responsibility, not becoming more aware and stuck. The ego keeps us from getting to know our shadow. The ego keeps us in pain. Many people assume the ego is “being stuck up.” In fact, it is being “stuck in” our self-righteousness.

Today, make a practice of listening to what is being said to you. If it is someone you know well, listen as if you have never heard them before. No matter how upsetting, think about what is said. Why is it upsetting you? What buttons is it pushing? Is there something to learn here or to set a boundary on? The information gathered might be upsetting because we are choosing to accept what is being said without setting a boundary or standing up to the person. This causes us distress. We may also find it uncomfortable because deep down inside, we know they are on to something and we need to work on this aspect of ourself. But we don’t, so we just become angry, in either scenario, and make that person wrong.

Think about all of this and see what conclusions you might come too. How would you like to grow as a person? Are you listening, or focused on your ego? Are you complaining a lot and doing nothing about this, or are you working on yourself? You are the judge and you are the only one who can make changes in yourself. Your life can be exactly what you want, but you need to listen and follow-through on what your intuitive wisdom is saying. To what life is trying to tell you.