Naturally someone in Hollywood had to make use of the term “Narcissist,” that is making people’s careers rise up amongst the psychology profession. This is nothing more than an Instagram/Tik Tok video minus the subtitles. It is a “Tell Don’t Show,” because God forbid that someone would have to use their head. While they do get the narcissism correct, I wonder how many young women actually got something from watching this show? I specialize in working with survivors, so yes, I got it. All you are getting is Marissa Tomei’s character talk through the entire movie. Well, yell is more like it. Who talks like this?
I don’t recommend seeing this film, as you won’t learn anything from it. Wouldn’t this be the point? To help young women get a sense of the type of men out there they might be dating? There is nothing funny about it, to me as a psychology professional, and it is extremely predictable.
When you listen, everything you need to know is right there. A person who is talking, is not doing so to waste their energy. They are talking to communicate with you. Explain their boundaries, voice their needs, and to explain who they are. In a relationship, whether it is friend, boss, co-worker, or lover, listening is the best way to have a healthy partnership with the person receiving the words. When we do not listen, we miss out on the connection. When we misunderstand, we ass…u…me. When we ignore, we are focused on ourself, our Ego. The answers are right there. All you need to know about someone, they are telling you.
I am a psychotherapist, I work with people who are frustrated because you are not listening.
Ms. Pelicot’s story is one that I learned about in the news after the court hearing against her husband and other perpetrators began. She is from France. I was fascinated with the knowledge that she had requested the courtroom be opened to the public at the Palais de Justice. The title “Shame Has to Change Sides,” coincides with this. She had heard this term from a woman’s group, I believe she says in her book. It meant that instead of her facing the humiliation of being alone in the courtroom, with all of her perpetrators, instead, the room would be filled with journalists (from around the world) and women wanting to hear her story. These people, who flocked in daily once the word got out, were now facing the perpetrators, so they could not be anonymous. This was a very brave action on her part, especially as these people would also be witness to the humiliation and degradation that was done to her in more than a decade. The book she writes, “A Hymn to Life,” gives us the details of her fifty year marriage to the “monster.”
This movie came out the year I was born. It is a road movie or a coming of age film for two young men. Bruno (Vittorio Gassman – Italian) is an aging player, and Roberto (Jean-Louis Trintignant – French) a very down to earth college boy, studying law. Roberto is eager to remain the man that he is, but soon finds himself questioning life. He seems to have a love/hate relationship with Bruno, who he knows is not a good person deep down inside. Bruno, for whatever reason is escaping reality. We don’t really know his back story, though we know that he jumped into marriage with a beautiful woman and left her and their daughter to continuing roaming through life. At the end, both of these men’s lives will be turned upside down and Bruno himself will finally begin to question the life he has chosen.
Can you think of other famous women who prevailed, while or after being married to a Narcissist? It helps to remember, and helps us to stay strong and not give up hope.
Here I have shown you Catherine the Great. She was married to Pytor, a Russian Tsar, for a moment. The royal house conducted a coup d’état, and boom, he was gone. Catherine was Empress of Russia longer than any other monarch in that country.
Eleanor Roosevelt had a husband who embarrassed our country by sleeping with every woman he could get his hands on. While he was a great president in many respects, Eleanor is seen as being the first female president to some. She advised him, gave speeches, travelled the country, held press conferences with women journalists only. She survived by focusing on what she could do and could control, not by what she couldn’t.
Frida Kahlo is a famous Mexican painter, who was married to Diego Rivera, another famous Mexican painter (famous before marrying her). He slept with anyone and everyone, including her sister, before she could not take it anymore. And, before this, (and after) she focused on her art, staying strong despite her many miscarriages and terrible medical issues. She also had her own lovers. In the end, Frida is the one whom Mexicans have in their shop windows, whom they revere so much. Even Mexican restaurants in the U.S., you can find images of her, whereas you will see Diego in California doctor’s offices. She was quite an amazing woman.
And who can forget Princess Diana. A lovely woman, who learned on the day before her marriage that her husband to be was in love with another (who he is married to now). Yet, Princess Diana was more famous, more loved and will be while her husband is the King now and not many people care – except his loyal followers. She did more for the homeless, AIDS, raising awareness about land mines, and many other things. While she had a tragic death, which only made her more of a saint, her memory and contributions will live on. King Charles? Who cares. The world waits for her son and daughter-in-law to take his place. Right now, her ex is nothing more than a token object. A tradition, a bump on the log.
So, who can you think of? Don’t be shy. Comment below with your answer.
This is a wonderful workshop that I will be co-presenting with MJ Abell who is a Soul Collage Facilitator. There will be materials available to make the cards – which you will take with you, light refreshments and camaraderie with like minded people. If you live in Columbus, I hope to see you there.
Q. Is this in-person? yes
Q. Do I need to be creative or artistic? no, this is not an art class, it is a creative workshop and you will guided to choosing the pictures that are right for you.
Q. Is this therapy? no, it is not group therapy it is a soul collage workshop and I am there only to briefly discuss narcissism, answer your questions and support you in your process.
Q. Do I have to be a survivor or what does this mean? The workshop will encompass people who are victims (still in the relationship), trauma bond (out but hoping to get back in) and survivors (those who are out and no they won’t go back but still want to work on this issue).
Ever since I was a young girl, I reflected on the meaning of God, on spirituality, on life. I tried following the church – as I was expected, but continued to fall short on what I wanted. Answers. I received regurgitated phrases that shed no sense of enlightenment which I sought. In confirmation I was taught how women are punished for Eve’s sin…Why, I had nothing to do with this – I thought. I was told “Because the Bible says so.” Which was exactly how my questions – any of them – were answered at home (with the word Bible exchanged for the word I). Nonetheless, I did not give up hope and continued to search. This began a lifelong journey; reading, workshops, college/grad school, spiritual teachers, all designed to awaken me into the person I am today. Not to mention my own life lessons.
Not one of us has so much faith that we have no doubts; not one of us has such purity that we have no darkness. Within every human attribute there hides somewhere its opposite. (p.18)
This is also mentioned on my “Survivors” page. If you haven’t had a chance to take this workshop and have been meaning to, no better day then the present! There are quite a few videos to watch, learn and grow from. You are welcome to ask me any question you like and I am happy to answer this. If you subscribe to this website, you will also get a coupon to take the course for $9.99! or go to their website now and watch the video that will give you an introduction to the course. You will be glad you did!
A Frequent Blog of Devotionals Inspired by A Course in Miracles, A Course of Love, The Way of Mastery, Choose Only Love--Plus More . . . with Celia Hales - https://www.amazon.com/author/celiahales
Jeannine Vegh 