Watch the above video first, to understand what the Zeigarnik Effect is and think about not having closure with a narcissist as you watch this. Unfinished business. Being discarded. This also speaks to grief and feeling that you were unable to say what you needed to say, or questions you wanted answered at the end of someone’s life. Someone sent me a different video from Facebook this morning and my mind immediately went to narcissism and the hold it has on us when we are let go, like we never existed in their life. Yes, this can also be explained by cognitive dissonance, but I think what keeps us stuck (re-occurring thoughts) is the Zeigarnik Effect.
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Listening: The Magic Wand in a Healthy Relationship or Dialogue

Usually when you ask a long-term married couple what made their relationship a success, they will say “communication.” This is a familiar tried and tested term they probably heard other people say. It is not really an answer, it is a word that requires an explanation. What does communication mean? And, the magic answer is two people (or more) listening to one another. Whether you are in a conference room, a relationship, talking to friends at happy hour, listening is the key to having good communication. We can talk all day long but if it isn’t registering, if the person isn’t validating and asking clarifying questions, if they are dissociating, if they are looking away from you often and not really turning toward you, if there is defensiveness (or criticism, contempt or stonewalling), they are not listening and therefore you are not communicating. You are talking. So, let’s dig deeper to talk about what this really looks like.
Continue readingThe End of Woman: By Carrie Gress

It has taken me a long time to read this book and this is because I was getting married, putting my birth father (who I don’t have much of a relationship with) into assisted living, dealing with my business and other things that occur on a day to day basis. At the same time, any time I read a woman’s non-fiction book about our history, I find it difficult to take in the gravity of what is being said. Usually, it makes me angry and sick to my stomach and I often have to put the book down. It is hard to sit with what has happened to women in history or even in modern times. This book validated what I have felt all along. It is well written and researched and provided the necessary discussion topics, should I wish to do so or write about here.
Continue readingWhat is a Woman: Dolly Parton

Dolly Parton died on August 25, 2026, and since then, I have been thinking about her personality – how it was formed in a nicer more gentler time (pre-computers) vs. now with people being split based on their opinions. Opinions that have made a sharp and very extreme change since COVID. Dolly helped people feel calm from what I can see. She refused to talk politics – which was one of the three things you should never discuss in company. I have been looking for a copy of her memoir from 1994 – which she wrote and I hope will be republished. I’d rather read her own words. I am not too fascinated with her costumes or her singing, but I think she was a wonderful writer, a great human being and she represents the end of old country. This is what I miss the most about country music – which you can’t find any country radio station willing to play. A time when these men and women had to hawk their wares at town festivals, drive around the country pushing their 45’s to disc jockeys and hoping to get on the stage at the Grand Ole Opry. This was long before TV contests and Youtube. It was a time when these people grew up dirt poor and you could feel it in their music. They were not entitled but appreciative of their Appalachian heritage. Dolly was around for all of them, Patsy, Loretta, Tammi, Roy and Buck, Johnny and June, all the Carter sisters, Hank and George, so many legends with some leaving us much too soon.
Here is her take on being a woman from 1968.
Continue readingGetting Married at 64 – Eyes Wide Open

Getting married the second time around – for both of us, we had our eyes wide open. This was more honest, clear, conscious and rewarding.
As a result, there were no young adult expectations, everything was discussed up front and no uncommunicated concerns about moving forward in marriage. Our first marriages lasted about five minutes – so to speak, both were abusive, emotionally and mentally immature and both had no qualms about breaking vows. Oddly, both our ex’s were veterans, though I don’t blame the military for their lack of responsibility – mental health issues were clearly to blame. Paul and I believe in loyalty, fidelity and emotional commitment. We are clear that this marriage is for the rest of our lives and we treat our marriage, as we have our relationship the last three years, as a team. Nothing will change for us, other than we are “legal” now and our love became even deeper as we said our vows. What lessons I have learned about getting married and the process of having a wedding, I will share with you here.
Continue readingGetting the Most Out of Psychotherapy

My best sessions are those in which a client is there to learn, to grow, to explore, to heal. I enjoy someone who comes in ready to go. Who shows up on time (or lets me know they are on their way) because this means they respect the process and my time. I am there to aide you on your journey. I don’t know everything but I do know psychology. I trust my intuition to guide me. I trust your body language or the somatic resonance created in the room that I am witnessing.
Continue readingA Woman and the Aging Process: Sex, Love and So Much More

Next month when I marry the man I love, I will be 64 years old. It is both of our second time around but this time it is conscious, eyes wide open, no lies, no abuse, no bs. The sales person in one of the jewelry stores was wanting me to act excited over a ring, she was in her 20’s. I explained that it isn’t like I am shocked or surprised or grateful that this man wants to marry me. I know exactly what I am getting in to. We bought our rings from someone who was kind and unconcerned about my expression. While she was in her 20’s as well, she was grateful for the sale. She wasn’t pushy or annoying, just being herself. I know who I am now and it is the lessons I learned along the way, the aging process that brought me to my older wiser more comfortable self. There are no surprises anymore, just choice.
Continue readingAttracting the Person Who is Right For You

Marriage has its ups and downs. There are days when you want to pack it up and leave, and days when you are so very much in love. The strength of a marriage is a testament to commitment, values, faith and of course love. All of these four components must be understood by both of you before you say “I Do.” Let’s examine this a little further.
Continue readingYou’re Dating a Narcissist! – American Movie 2025

Naturally someone in Hollywood had to make use of the term “Narcissist,” that is making people’s careers rise up amongst the psychology profession. This is nothing more than an Instagram/Tik Tok video minus the subtitles. It is a “Tell Don’t Show,” because God forbid that someone would have to use their head. While they do get the narcissism correct, I wonder how many young women actually got something from watching this show? I specialize in working with survivors, so yes, I got it. All you are getting is Marissa Tomei’s character talk through the entire movie. Well, yell is more like it. Who talks like this?
I don’t recommend seeing this film, as you won’t learn anything from it. Wouldn’t this be the point? To help young women get a sense of the type of men out there they might be dating? There is nothing funny about it, to me as a psychology professional, and it is extremely predictable.
Continue readingListening: The Answers Are Right There

When you listen, everything you need to know is right there. A person who is talking, is not doing so to waste their energy. They are talking to communicate with you. Explain their boundaries, voice their needs, and to explain who they are. In a relationship, whether it is friend, boss, co-worker, or lover, listening is the best way to have a healthy partnership with the person receiving the words. When we do not listen, we miss out on the connection. When we misunderstand, we ass…u…me. When we ignore, we are focused on ourself, our Ego. The answers are right there. All you need to know about someone, they are telling you.
I am a psychotherapist, I work with people who are frustrated because you are not listening.
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