On Trial With a Narcissist: No One Wins

Whoever corrects a mocker invites insults; whoever rebukes the wicked incurs abuse. Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you; rebuke the wise and they will love you. Instruct the wise and they will be wiser still; teach the righteous and they will add to their learning.

Proverbs 9:7-9

If Amber Heard imagined or expected that the #METOO movement would be there to back her, or feminists, or women in general, she was sadly mistaken in this tragic turn of events. Unfortunately, the narcissist always wins, or, at least, he is empowered to continue being who he is. Her path to redemption now, will only take place if she seeks solace through healing: with psychotherapy, meditation, supportive friends and taking time to herself.

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Confessions of a Promiscuous Woman

from Artspace.com

On the heels of yesterday’s post, Confessions of a Trauma Bond Survivor, I will continue to tell Annika’s story from the other side (I am also continuing to share this in first person). Having been through this horrible ordeal with her previous lover, and going through the pain and suffering from this trauma bond, Annika began to awaken her consciousness by taking responsibility for how she got here. There are two sides to every story. No one is born a narcissist and no one is born a victim. We make interpretations from the cards that are dealt to us, along the way.

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Confessions of a Trauma Bond Survivor

The Covert Narcissist taking his mask off – in the end.

I met with a woman, I will name “Annika,” (a favorite pseudonym of mine), who told me some details about her life story with men. She gave me permission to write about her story here. I am going to write this in “first person,” as if it were a memoir. She is not a client and, I say this, so if my clients are reading this, they won’t think it is their story. I am breaking this up into different parts. I start with this aspect of her journey: coming back from being in a trauma bond after the break-up with a covert narcissist.

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Rituals: an Enlightening Conversation with Ellen and Jeannine

In this episode we look at the meaning of rituals in varying areas of our lives. This includes rituals that can have deep meaning as well as routine that plays a practical and anchoring role in our lives. We look at rituals that we deliberately intend and ones that we seemingly bring about with little thought or preparation. Join us for a rich discussion and come away with a deeper appreciation of your experiences in life.

To learn more about the presenters:

Ellen Seigel, LISW-S

To work with Ellen as a Transformational Life Coach contact her: ellen@BeHappyNoMatterWhat.com or call 614-389-5795 To receive enlightening Contemplative Thoughts daily and receive a chapter download from her book Be Happy No Matter What – 5 Steps to Inner Freedom, visit http://behappynomaterwhat.com

Jeannine Vegh, IMFT at Transformative Psychotherapy, LLC

https://jkvegh.com Survivors of Narcissists Workshop available at Udemy https://www.udemy.com/course/embracing-me/?referralCode=C515C00CF7BBEE83BEC5 Blogposts on Psychology, the Arts and Ohio Women’s History https://discerninggal.com

Disclaimer: As we are two humble therapists, all discussion you see between us in the video/podcast is based on our training and education, therapeutic work in our practices, and thoughtful opinions formed over our years. We are not the last word in this discussion, and we commit to providing ongoing resources beyond ourselves to enlarge your understanding of this complex subject. Thank you for viewing and we hope this will be helpful as you move forward on your journey.

I Knew a Man

I knew a man who did not know how to love a woman.

He could not love himself.

He was filled with anger and hatred for a girl in his past.

He determined this was her fault.

Then he decided it was me he was angry with, because of her.

He forgot that he loved me, or did I only imagine that he had?

He was unable to empathize with others in pain.

He would not allow himself to feel.

I loved and adored this man and gave him all that I had to give.

He never saw this because he could not believe this.

I thought that his praises and rewards and adoration were acceptance.

He was patronizing and biding his time.

I assumed that his smile and willingness and gifts were acknowledgement.

He was the good guy, and I was filling a gap.

In the end he could not say goodbye. He was unable to just walk away.

He had to find a way to make me wrong. This made it easier on him.

For so long, I searched for answers as I sat in denial.

I wanted to believe he would return. I wanted to believe I was wrong.

The thought of never seeing, touching, or being held by him was more than I could bare.

If this were true than the whole time was no more than a mirage.

I would be laughed at for being such a fool and the humiliation was more than I could take.

Deceit is a game I do not play and yet he had no qualms about playing me.

All alone I sat in wait, month by month, hoping and praying.

In darkness, I saw a shadow of light, as time went on, it became brighter.

God held my hand as I returned to walk beside him once more.

If I should falter, He stood me back up.

Once more I walked my path alone, though this time reassured.

My devotion and faith – now consistent and clear.

He will lead us together, and I will find, the person I thought that I already had.

 

Jeannine Vegh, 2021

A Secure and Healthy Relationship: What does this Look Like?

A secure and healthy relationship is what all men and women aspire to be in. How do we find these partners? What do they look like? Where are they hiding? What am I doing wrong that I seem to attract the same type of person over and over again?

First, we have to work on ourself. Birds of a feather, flock together. If you are an angry person, a secure and healthy person is not going to stick around very long. It is not unusual that you would attract drama into your life. An addict is not going to attract someone who is healthy and secure, they would not feel comfortable being with someone who is unable to function without a glass, pipe, horse race, pill, etc… A person who has lots of mental health issues – PTSD, Anxiety, Depression, Personality Disorders and is not working on themselves, is not going to attract a secure and healthy relationship. Likewise, if you are insecure, immature, unhealthy – physically, avoidant, you are not going to attract a secure and healthy partner. So, what is the answer to this question? Find a really good therapist who specializes in helping you to get into a better place in your life and then you will attract that healthy partner toward you.

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Spring Night/Summer Night 1967 Film

A remarkable film that deserves an Oscar. Unfortunately, it came out in 1967 so this is not possible.

Ohio Women's History

This film is made on a low budget, the director used real people vs. professional actors (except in one case) and it is filmed in Southeastern Ohio. I have put this movie here on Ohio Women’s History because I feel that it is rich in history, landscape and the Appalachian people who’s elders migrated here from what is more traditionally seen as the Appalachian region.

This film also focuses on a woman who is effected by the tale that is drawn out and displayed for us to ponder over. She represents our mother or grandmother, depending on which generation you are in. How she is treated gives us some historical context into the roles women have played for centuries. The film gives us that “Hillbilly Elegy” story but without the mental illness as an excuse for behaviors. Poverty is more the main character that is represented. Low income White families…

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Evelyn and Antonio – Staying True to Themselves 55 years in

A wonderful conversation with Evelyn about her 55 year relationship with her husband and what makes it work. The second in my series on Staying True to the Self in a Healthy Relationship.

Happiness: Ellen and Jeannine in an Enlightening Conversation

The many perspectives we share in this episode will stimulate new self understandings, going beyond society’s general view points on the matter and take you further in your quest to experience happiness and satisfaction as a default setting.

To learn more about the presenters:

Ellen Seigel, LISW-S To work with Ellen as a Transformational Life Coach contact her: ellen@BeHappyNoMatterWhat.com or call 614-389-5795 To receive enlightening Contemplative Thoughts daily and receive a chapter download from her book Be Happy No Matter What – 5 Steps to Inner Freedom, visit http://behappynomaterwhat.com

Jeannine Vegh, IMFT at Transformative Psychotherapy, LLC https://jkvegh.com Survivors of Narcissists Workshop available at Udemy https://www.udemy.com/course/embracin… Blogposts on Psychology, the Arts and Ohio Women’s History https://discerninggal.com

Disclaimer: As we are two humble therapists, all discussion you see between us in the video/podcast is based on our training and education, therapeutic work in our practices, and thoughtful opinions formed over our years. We are not the last word in this discussion, and we commit to providing ongoing resources beyond ourselves to enlarge your understanding of this complex subject. Thank you for viewing and we hope this will be helpful as you move forward on your journey.

Loving the Narcissist: Patterns of Survivors

The Journey

Let me in, let me see what is inside

Let me feel that place where you are trying to hide.

Two wounded souls from different places in time

Coming together without a map or a rhyme.


As you suffer in silence, I fly around in the dark

and search for words to help you embark.

Stolen moments meet us half way

to carry us forward thru a whole new day.


Two lovers gather in the evening silence

Yearning to touch and find their way once more.

They seek solace in the arms of each other

Hoping to find what they are looking for.


The past sits on the edge of reason and doubt

While it waits to be soothed and coddled.

Confusion lurks and passions await

Time moves on in haste.


The bed feels empty; the mind is reprieved

By a thought or a gesture that provides some relief.

I wait and I ponder and I wonder as I wander

The roads are clear but the climb is steep.


The painting is finished but the oils have yet to dry.

The journey is in motion and there is still more to do.

The dancers step forward and take their cue

While the room lets out a sigh…


The sounds are released and they move

Two people together, aware of nothing

But the instruments guiding their way.

When you find yourself writing poetry, you might be in love with a narcissist. The Imposter Syndrome, Anxious and/or Avoidant types, Survivors of Narcissistic Parents, Empaths and Highly Sensitive People. These are the patterns of women that I see who attract the narcissistic partner. Often these are very strong professional women in very capable positions. Many times, they make more money than the partner and, in these cases, I see the male taking a more entitled role. For example, the male tends to become very lazy in the sense that he is not pulling an equal share of the weight, in the home, to compensate for his wife or partner making the higher income. This makes her life even more difficult.

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