Category Archives: Relationships

Getting Married at 64 – Eyes Wide Open

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Getting married the second time around – for both of us, we had our eyes wide open. This was more honest, clear, conscious and rewarding.

As a result, there were no young adult expectations, everything was discussed up front and no uncommunicated concerns about moving forward in marriage. Our first marriages lasted about five minutes – so to speak, both were abusive, emotionally and mentally immature and both had no qualms about breaking vows. Oddly, both our ex’s were veterans, though I don’t blame the military for their lack of responsibility – mental health issues were clearly to blame. Paul and I believe in loyalty, fidelity and emotional commitment. We are clear that this marriage is for the rest of our lives and we treat our marriage, as we have our relationship the last three years, as a team. Nothing will change for us, other than we are “legal” now and our love became even deeper as we said our vows. What lessons I have learned about getting married and the process of having a wedding, I will share with you here.

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Getting the Most Out of Psychotherapy

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Three men in period clothing discussing at a table in a study room
AI’s attempt at creating a photo of Jung, Nietzsche and Gandhi having a discussion.

My best sessions are those in which a client is there to learn, to grow, to explore, to heal. I enjoy someone who comes in ready to go. Who shows up on time (or lets me know they are on their way) because this means they respect the process and my time. I am there to aide you on your journey. I don’t know everything but I do know psychology. I trust my intuition to guide me. I trust your body language or the somatic resonance created in the room that I am witnessing.

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A Woman and the Aging Process: Sex, Love and So Much More

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Next month when I marry the man I love, I will be 64 years old. It is both of our second time around but this time it is conscious, eyes wide open, no lies, no abuse, no bs. The sales person in one of the jewelry stores was wanting me to act excited over a ring, she was in her 20’s. I explained that it isn’t like I am shocked or surprised or grateful that this man wants to marry me. I know exactly what I am getting in to. We bought our rings from someone who was kind and unconcerned about my expression. While she was in her 20’s as well, she was grateful for the sale. She wasn’t pushy or annoying, just being herself. I know who I am now and it is the lessons I learned along the way, the aging process that brought me to my older wiser more comfortable self. There are no surprises anymore, just choice.

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Attracting the Person Who is Right For You

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Couple holding hands with wedding rings on a wooden slab during outdoor ceremony
Before you say “I Do,” make sure they are a good fit for you. Ask questions, listen, ask more questions to clarify, and this goes on throughout your relationship and into your marriage. As you evolve into this new person and this couple.

Marriage has its ups and downs. There are days when you want to pack it up and leave, and days when you are so very much in love. The strength of a marriage is a testament to commitment, values, faith and of course love. All of these four components must be understood by both of you before you say “I Do.” Let’s examine this a little further.

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Keeping Up Appearances – the Narcissistic Wife and Neighbor

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While this is a comedy, you can imagine, when you view this series from the BBC, how difficult it would be to be in the character Richard’s shoes (her husband) and that of her neighbors. Dame Patricia Rutledge died this past week, at the age of 96 and so I thought I’d share one of her most remarkable performances as a Narcissistic wife and neighbor. Her character’s name is Hyacinth Bucket (though she makes sure everyone pronounces her name Bouquet instead). She is so focused on looking good, hence the title of the show. It does not matter what her husband thinks, her neighbors, her siblings, the Vicar and his wife. Everyone is under her thumb and reacts appropriately to her expectations.

If you get a chance to watch this TV series, it will make you laugh hysterically. However, in real life, this type of person would be hell to live with. She also has a son, whom you never see in the series. His name is Sheridan. She thinks highly of him, which a narcissistic mother would do. RIP Dame Rutledge, what a long life and career, and a wonderful actress you were.

Growing Up in a Healthy Household – What it Must be Like

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Personally, I can only imagine as I did not grow up in one nor was I allowed to raise my own. However, I am reading a political book right now, about a very famous/infamous (depending on who would hear the name) woman and her hidden subtitle might be “Growing Up in a Healthy Household.” I am withholding her name because I want to focus on my intent here. Her book is a very controversial but factual storyline about a life changing event in our country. Her father is a previous Vice-President and the two of them wrote a book together. Her mother has written several books, one of which she brought up in this book – that I will be reading next. As she writes about her family, brought up for various reasons, it is to share different things within the context of her book. For me, it kept hitting home, what it must be like to have two healthy parents.

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Attachment Styles: A Basic Overview

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I think Brianna’s videos are very useful in understanding Attachment. The narcissists “attachment” to parents/caregivers, early on initiates the coping mechanism that they will create in their life – which we will come to understand as they age into adulthood. I invite you to subscribe to her channel so you can learn more.

Disclaimer: Learning about attachment theory is not a “diagnosis,” and it is not like your astrological sign. For example, you wouldn’t say to someone “What is your attachment style?” Not a lot of people follow psychology videos and you don’t want to try your hat at pop-psychology on a date. Instead, I show you this merely for self-awareness so that you can discover more about yourself and to understand perhaps more about your partner.

Relationships, Communication and Not Giving Up

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Healthy = Turning Toward vs. Toxic = Turning Away

A relationship is hard work but when two people are committed to each other equally then you have a better chance of surviving the long haul. Notice I said equally. If you are in a narcissistic relationship, you are probably the one making the choice to stay and are committed to the relationship yourself. The narcissist is committed but not making a “choice,” it is just a decision, nor are they working hard to make things work. Generally they might say “I am not the one with the problem, you are.” Ouch! That bites. This is a very arrogant statement too. Relationship is about two people not one. If one is hurting, the other should be concerned about this.

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