Disclaimer: As we are two humble therapists, all discussion you see between us in the video/podcast is based on our training and education, therapeutic work in our practices, and thoughtful opinions formed over our years of working with the population we discuss. We are not the last word in this discussion, and we commit to providing ongoing resources beyond ourselves to enlarge your understanding of this complex subject. Thank you for viewing and we hope this will be helpful in your recovery process.
Many therapists would say that the victim of narcissistic abuse seems to unconsciously choose abusive narcissists again and again in a bid to correct their own maladaptive behavioral patterns. And that this pattern of behaviour is the victims attempt to resolve old conflicts, and hopefully soothe their old wounds. This is a plausible argument, and personally I can concur with that to some degree, but personally I believe that the phenomenon is a bit more complicated than that.
Michelle Risser is a licensed clinical social worker as well as being a life coach for therapists who happen to be mom’s as well. She will be talking about her new online business, as well as explaining what the differences are between a coach and a therapist. She will also discuss and explain EMDR. Her website is JoyfulHappyMom.com
My premier course is now available at Udemy.com and I hope you will take the time to sign up and take the class! I think you will find it will enrich your life by learning more about what the Narcissist is, how it has effected your life and much more. Thank you!
I think this blog post really captures the pain and suffering that we go through by honoring our individual timelines. We shouldn’t “get over it” until we are ready. Otherwise we have missed out on deep introspection and growth.
“Eventually, the soul that is truly committed to awakening does not flee uncomfortable situations until it believes it has fully extracted all the wisdom that it can. . .In short, when there is just a quiet sense of peace, and you can look upon the players in the experiences you have had with perfect equanimity and see them as perfectly innocent, and you detect that there is nothing in the body that is not at peace—the heart is not racing, the shoulders are not tight—you truly understand that you are not in fear, then it is time to move on.” (“The Way of Transformation,” The Way of Mastery, Chapter 17, Page 213)
If we are in an uncomfortable situation, this passage says that we ought to just stay there—not try to distract ourselves, not try to flee or to escape—for this uncomfortable situation has something to teach us. Of course…
Love never fails when two people are committed to the relationship. In the “Sound Relationship House,” created by the Gottman Institute, you will see that Trust and Commitment are the pillars that hold up the foundation of the house, wherein the seven principles for making a relationship work (the latter part of this sentence is the title of Dr. John Gottman’s best selling book, only with the word marriage in lieu of relationship) lie within. When either of these two are fractured the partnership “can” fall apart but does not have to. In order for the couple to continue being together they have to revisit the conflict and then repair so that they can then rebuild what they have together. Not returning to the same relationship but to a much stronger and more aware partnership.
May 24, 1987, was a day I would come to hate. It was the last day that we made love, though I would not know it at the time. Such a promising romance, love; we were the 80’s, we were fun. After that moment I felt as if I would be happy forever, such a young thing I was. Not a care in the world, life was not precious but wild and filled with adventures and cravings to take it all on. I drove to my store and danced through the building, telling everyone I was in love and feeling on top of it all. They had never seen me like this before and so the day began in love, in awe, in such magnificent freedom that everything I had ever wanted would be about to happen.
Standing on the dock, looking out at the mossy green basin, she discards her clothes, and jumps in. Half-way across the lake she looks up, and notices there is no gate in the distance. Just as she is beginning to gage her sense of timing to get to the other side, a motor sounds off to the right from the lagoon. Dr. Lion comes toward her or “Guru” as he likes to be called. She calls him nothing.
He has respect from his colleagues, for his papers on depression and isolation. He alludes to having traveled extensively, to lecture about the pressures of society. No one is allowed access to the institution, without his express permission. Dr. Lion is viewed by his clients with fear and trepidation. Like a drill sergeant, he demands that they live by his rules. There is a list next to each bed: 1. Rise at seven, 2. Ten minute showers, 3. Twenty minute breakfast, and it goes on to account for the day with twelve more items. When it was time for therapy, clients would sit on the metal chairs, in order by appointment; they were alphabetized. No talking, no listening, the room outside his office must be silent. Each client is allowed to read the books he has chosen for them.
Embracing Me: Moving Forward from a Narcissistic Parent or Partner
Live Facebook event on Wednesday, May 26th from 11-noon (Eastern Time Zone). Once you have paid for the event, you will be able to access the Exclusive Posts which will give you the Zoom link to attend the presentation.
This webinar is for people who have been in a relationship with a narcissistic parent or partner and are having difficulties within their life. Generally this is in regard to relationships with bosses, co-workers, siblings, partners, friends, and others. It is also for adult children of these parents who are struggling with differentiation or maintaining your own separate identity from your parents. Narcissistic parents tend to want to remain enmeshed and not allow you to have your own life. If grandchildren are involved and they have any type of control over them (babysitter, raising them, paying for them), this detachment can cause even more havoc on you as a person.
If you have been in this type of relationship, it is often from growing up with some form of trauma or a narcissistic parent. It is difficult to get into a “healthy” attachment with a partner as it is so easy to attract this type of person if you are familiar with this personality. They come across as really caring and loving people – at first. Often we don’t find out their true colors until six months – to a year as the honeymoon stage wears off. You see it sooner, but often don’t realize what you are looking at. Even I, as a therapist, have been fooled more than once!
We are going to look at these personality types and then discuss how to heal from these type of people and move forward into a more healthier attachment with both parent and/or the partner. The webinar is $9.99 with a discount for purchasing a week in advance. You have to click on the Facebook Event link at the top of this post and sign up in order to access this.
Two years ago, my uncle died. A beloved past-minister, father, grandfather, brother, uncle, son, and so on. He was well known in many communities of people. When I called my mother to ask about the funeral arrangements, she informed me there would not be one. I was really upset to hear this. It was because the family, with his knowledge, had felt that they did not want to do this. They didn’t want a bunch of commotion. I was furious with this but my words could not be heard because his family are people that when they make a decision, they are not detracted.
As a psychotherapist, who deals with death and dying quite frequently from survivors who come into my office, I know the importance of grief. A funeral is not for the dead, it is for the living. It is for the people who love the departed one and who need to come together in memorial of this person to “sing” their praises. When you deny a funeral from your loved one’s and those who knew of you, you are keeping them from being in congregation with one another and withholding their ability to have closure.