This is a Hungarian film, with a very very long name: Preparations to be Together for an Unknown Period of Time (2021). It is a film that many women can relate to. The man who isn’t who he says he is. The man who cons us into his disguise. The man who is avoidant and we take on the challenge of falling in love with him and gaining his trust and love. Then he turns into another person. He lies. We try to win him back by being persistent and devout. In the movie, this goes in an interesting direction. A very artistic path. Yes, she does get him back in the end. Only, in real life, this rarely happens.Continue reading
Talking about the 1944 movie Gaslight and its relation to Narcissism.
Elizabeth Miller, LISW, LLC https://elizabethmcounseling.com/
Jeannine Vegh, IMFT at Transformative Psychotherapy, LLC https://jkvegh.com
Survivors of Narcissists Workshop available at Udemy https://www.udemy.com/course/embracing-me/?referralCode=C515C00CF7BBEE83BEC5 Blogposts on Psychology, the Arts and Ohio Women’s History https://discerninggal.com
Disclaimer: As we are two humble therapists, all discussion you see between us in the video/podcast is based on our training and education, therapeutic work in our practices, and thoughtful opinions formed over our years of working with the population we discuss. We are not the last word in this discussion, and we commit to providing ongoing resources beyond ourselves to enlarge your understanding of this complex subject. Thank you for viewing and we hope this will be helpful in your recovery process.
Four months ago, I created my first video for DiscerningGal.com, where I interviewed award winning author, Evelyn Kohl LaTorre, for her first book “Between Inca Walls.” The second book entitled “Love in Any Language,” is the part two. In fact, when you begin to read this book – should you have read the first one, you will feel as if this books starts where the last one left off. And, this is the point. Many people were curious what happened to Antonio and Evelyn; once they left Peru. We are indulged with this beautiful story about a couple who’s marriage spans five and a half decades, as we speak. The book ends about three decades later and we are on our seats for the entire roller coaster ride.Continue reading
Is it getting better?
Or do you feel the same?
Will it make it easier on you now?
You got someone to blame
Did I disappoint you?
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without
Did I ask too much? More than a lot
You gave me nothin’ now it’s all I got
We’re one but we’re not the same
Well we hurt each other then we do it again
One love, one blood
One life, you got to do what you should
One life, with each other
One life but we’re not the same
We get to carry each other
All I want is you and I still love you. An apology is all it takes to say hello.
Defeat, my Defeat, my solitude and my aloofness;
You are dearer to me than a thousand triumphs,
And sweeter to my heart than all world-glory.
Defeat, my Defeat, my self-knowledge and my defiance,
Through you I know that I am yet young and swift of foot
And not to be trapped by withering laurels.
And in you I have found aloneness
And the joy of being shunned and scorned.
Defeat, my Defeat, my shining sword and shield,
In your eyes I have read
That to be enthroned is to be enslaved,
And to be understood is to be leveled down,
And to be grasped is but to reach one’s fullness
And like a ripe fruit to fall and be consumed.
Defeat, my Defeat, my bold companion,
You shall hear my songs and my cries and my silences,
And none but you shall speak to me of the beating of wings,
And urging of seas,
And of mountains that burn in the night,
And you alone shall climb my steep and rocky soul.
Defeat, my Defeat, my deathless courage,
You and I shall laugh together with the storm,
And together we shall dig graves for all that die in us,
And we shall stand in the sun with a will,
And we shall be dangerous.
(For my love of you.)
Yesterday, I sat down to watch nearly three hours of this historic fiction that took place between the 1900’s and 1920. From the onset, there is a clear indication of something bad that is going to happen though we have no idea what it will be until they walk onto the barge. Even then, we don’t really know what is going to happen but we can suspect. You are not watching this movie thinking there will be a happy ending as it is somewhat akin to those who watched the Titanic movie. In 1920, it was the end of the Tsar. The entire family had been assassinated; including little children. The communists were most certainly not very humane in their actions. In the aftermath of annihilating the family, they set about to destroy the lives of their soldiers as well. They did not want one single person left behind from the old regime.Continue reading
A strong woman is a woman who is straining.
A strong woman is a woman standing on tiptoe and lifting a barbell
while trying to sing Boris Godunov.
A strong woman is a woman at work
cleaning out the cesspool of the ages,
and while she shovels, she talks about
how she doesn’t mind crying, it opens
the ducts of the eyes, and throwing up
develops the stomach muscles, and
she goes on shoveling with tears
in her nose.
A strong woman is a woman in whose head
a voice is repeating, I told you so,
ugly, bad girl, bitch, nag, shrill, witch,
ballbuster, nobody will ever love you back,
why aren’t you feminine, why aren’t
you soft, why aren’t you quiet, why
aren’t you dead?
A strong woman is a woman determined
to do something others are determined
not be done. She is pushing up on the bottom
of a lead coffin lid. She is trying to raise
a manhole cover with her head, she is trying
to butt her way through a steel wall.
Her head hurts. People waiting for the hole
to be made say, hurry, you’re so strong.
A strong woman is a woman bleeding
inside. A strong woman is a woman making
herself strong every morning while her teeth
loosen and her back throbs. Every baby,
a tooth, midwives used to say, and now
every battle a scar. A strong woman
is a mass of scar tissue that aches
when it rains and wounds that bleed
when you bump them and memories that get up
in the night and pace in boots to and fro.
A strong woman is a woman who craves love
like oxygen or she turns blue choking.
A strong woman is a woman who loves
strongly and weeps strongly and is strongly
terrified and has strong needs. A strong woman is strong
in words, action, in connection, in feeling;
she is not strong as a stone but as a wolf
suckling her young. Strength is not in her, but she
enacts it as the wind fills a sail.
What comforts her is others loving
her equally for the strength and for the weakness
from which it issues, lighting from a cloud.
lightning stuns. In rain, the clouds disperse.
Only water of connection remains,
flowing through us. Strong is what we make
each other. Until we are all strong together,
a strong woman is a woman strongly afraid.
*This poem that is one of my favorites. I think all women who have faced trauma in one way or another should read this and feel comforted by her words. It really captures the essence and beauty of a strong woman.
My very first video blog with award winning writer Evelyn Kohl LaTorre who has written Between Inca Walls: A Peace Corp Memoir. I hope you will enjoy this.
In my heart, there are tears.
Tears of joy,
Of love lost.
In my eyes, there are mirrors.
I can see in and out.
I can see you and me.
I can see that you do not see me.
In my ears, there are waves.
I hear music when we make love.
The rhythm of your laughter
Vibrates my soul.
In my nose, is your scent.
When you are near it is next to me.
When you are far it follows me.
On my mouth is your kiss.
I taste your passion at night,
When I am alone.
Let me in, let me see what is inside
Let me feel that place where you are trying to hide.
Two wounded souls from different places in time
Coming together without a map or a rhyme.
As you suffer in silence, I fly around in the dark
and search for words to help you embark.
Stolen moments meet us half way
to carry us forward thru a whole new day.
Two lovers gather in the evening silence
Yearning to touch and find their way once more.
They seek solace in the arms of each other
Hoping to find what they are looking for.
The past sits on the edge of reason and doubt
While it waits to be soothed and coddled.
Confusion lurks and passions await
Time moves on in haste.
The bed feels empty; the mind is reprieved
By a thought or a gesture that provides some relief.
I wait and I ponder and I wonder as I wander
The roads are clear but the climb is steep.
The painting is finished but the oils have yet to dry.
The journey is in motion and there is still more to do.
The dancers step forward and take their cue
While the room lets out a sigh…
The sounds are released and they move
Two people together, aware of nothing
But the instruments guiding their way.