“Love is a many splendored thing, Love lifts us up where we belong.” from Moulin Rouge with Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman in a duet. I love listening to raw music sung by people who are not necessarily singers but are quite good. I love love, I love being in love, I love feeling love in all its glory. And yet, for most of my life it has come to an end. In fact, it has felt like the end from the beginning. I have lived with several men in my life and never once felt like I was in my own home. Passionate, immature, cocky, egotistical, frightened, PTSD love that was once my life. Now, for once in my life, I am in love with a man who I can be uncomfortable with and this allows me to grow. Someone who allows me to be myself so that I am able to come into myself as a woman. I feel safe and secure, being in love. It feels like it took forever to get here. And yet, we have taken things very very slow. Like it should be. And it makes so much more sense!
A victim of domestic violence has a lot of anger inside toward the perpetrator. Before I escaped my ex-husband I attempted suicide because I did not know that I could escape his prison. I did not know I had choices. I could walk away, although it wasn’t easy, or I could just sit there and not take any control over my life or my son’s.
There were many times when I thought about attempting suicide and there are many things that I wrote, much of which makes no sense now, during those brief periods of depression. My writing helped me to think things through. Consequently I have many journals that I will probably burn some day.
Fathers play a very important role in the lives of their children. They are teaching them a man’s perspective, they create balance by providing the masculine counterpart to the feminine (yin and yang). A father helps a child to be able to manage male relationships in the world. If you have a good and healthy relationship with your father you will have an easier time with men (and vice versa with mother’s). The father is just as important as the mother. This is why it is imperative that the father play a role in the child’s life whether the relationship is continuing or not. It is also the reason why the man and woman need to be more responsible for bringing children into this world in the first place. A child is not a toy but it is the result of unplanned pregnancy.