Sunstroke: A Russian Film 2014

Yesterday, I sat down to watch nearly three hours of this historic fiction that took place between the 1900’s and 1920. From the onset, there is a clear indication of something bad that is going to happen though we have no idea what it will be until they walk onto the barge. Even then, we don’t really know what is going to happen but we can suspect. You are not watching this movie thinking there will be a happy ending as it is somewhat akin to those who watched the Titanic movie. In 1920, it was the end of the Tsar. The entire family had been assassinated; including little children. The communists were most certainly not very humane in their actions. In the aftermath of annihilating the family, they set about to destroy the lives of their soldiers as well. They did not want one single person left behind from the old regime.

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Your Soul

In my heart, there are tears.


Tears of joy,

Of sadness,

Of Pain,

Of love lost.


In my eyes, there are mirrors.


I can see in and out.

I can see you and me.

I can see that you do not see me.


In my ears, there are waves.


I hear music when we make love.

The rhythm of your laughter

Vibrates my soul.


In my nose, is your scent.


When you are near it is next to me.

When you are far it follows me.


On my mouth is your kiss.


I taste your passion at night,

When I am alone.

The Journey

Let me in, let me see what is inside

Let me feel that place where you are trying to hide.

Two wounded souls from different places in time

Coming together without a map or a rhyme.


As you suffer in silence, I fly around in the dark

and search for words to help you embark.

Stolen moments meet us half way

to carry us forward thru a whole new day.


Two lovers gather in the evening silence

Yearning to touch and find their way once more.

They seek solace in the arms of each other

Hoping to find what they are looking for.


The past sits on the edge of reason and doubt

While it waits to be soothed and coddled.

Confusion lurks and passions await

Time moves on in haste.


The bed feels empty; the mind is reprieved

By a thought or a gesture that provides some relief.

I wait and I ponder and I wonder as I wander

The roads are clear but the climb is steep.


The painting is finished but the oils have yet to dry.

The journey is in motion and there is still more to do.

The dancers step forward and take their cue

While the room lets out a sigh…


The sounds are released and they move

Two people together, aware of nothing

But the instruments guiding their way.

Healthy, Authentic Love: Is this You and Your Partner?

Tonight, I had two mallards (male and female) that appeared on my front lawn while I was grooming the flower beds. The male was very aware of his position in this animal kingdom. He was dutifully watching over his lover as she nested on the grass. They moved their seats when I got up to cart the weed barrel, down to the road, for the garbage men tomorrow. The male moved carefully behind the female, keeping an eye on her that no one would disturb her. As she foraged under my fir trees, he continued to gaze on her and make sure she was taken care of. What a beautiful sight to behold.

Healthy, authentic love is exactly this. Two people taking care of each other, watching over one another, doting on each other. More is written online about unhealthy, abusive, narcissistic love – it would seem, than healthy, loving relationships and with this, it causes negativity to shine over couples. As a result, they are always picking on one another based on what they read. How can we expect couples to succeed if they don’t know what good honest love looks like?

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An Ode to Gabriel Garcia Marquez

After 10 years of solitude, Carlotta had all but given up on the ability to imagine life with a man once more. This time of absence was her own doing, though it was largely the fault of the menopause; which was now nearing its end.  The curse had turned into a bitter coming of age story. As her words shot out of her mouth, laced with turpentine just at the tips of the letters, that would leave a mark on anyone she had an opinion about. And these days this was just about anyone. Her pheromones would emit a scent, that was not enticing any more than if she had been a rotting corpse left out on a table to dry. One by one her friends had walked away, too tired of the dark energy that stood near her, even though they too were in the crisis of aging.

Each woman can only tolerate their own pain and each man is looking for one who is not yet touched; if he is lucky. She saw herself as a hag, up in a tree in an apple orchard, throwing barely ripe fruit down; on people who came near her. She tried to explain to people what was going on; to no avail. How could anyone understand a personal crisis which is designed for the individual? While they all know that the Grim Reaper, with his sickle, can come to call any day, and this is expected, most try not to think about it until the time comes; and then it is too late. When the old woman begins to emerge, it is like looking out your window one day and noticing the neighbor has installed a new walkway, that he had been working on for weeks and you had ignored. One day Carlotta had looked in the mirror and wondered who had suddenly appeared before her.

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Who Am I

Through the passage of time, I have found my mark

And I look back to see how treacherous it was, to embark.

I recall a moment of slashed wrists and a broken plate

A baby crying in the back, while he lay in wait.


I sat in a corner as people walked by

And observed that they lived while I tried to die.

The wells of my emotions had all run dry.


The body was stiff but craved the touch of

One so great who would want so much.

And I looked and I took but they were wrong

Yet even still, I went along.


I knew in my heart that I should walk away

But I craved and I yearned for a voice that would stay.

Someone to see me for who I am

To just once get it right, even if it meant putting up a fight

Thinking I must fix it, assuming it was my fault, to hold this

Relationship and behave like an adult.


In and out of the rooms I would go

Putting on one hell of a show.

I danced and sang and praised and played

While they sucked up the juices and

Fed in to my demise.


I saw the noose hanging above the trap

While I ate and supped on all of their lies.


And when I searched for my mother once more

To give me some respite and nurture these wounds.

Hoping to get a tender embrace, instead she would slap me in my face.

She would call out the shadows from within

And laugh as they sprang forth; ripping the scars on my skin.


There I would sit in a void.

Numb to this renewed place I so wanted to avoid.

Stuck in a web from conception to light

I would scream and cry out wishing it would disappear with the night.

Alas, I am here as is she and the trees are filled with my memories.


I struggle and plod forward with all of my might

Working up the courage to make it alone; assuming that I have the right

And thinking that one day I may become known


When the stone turns and the walls collapse and out of this I won’t relapse.

I dream and I write and I scour my brain, looking for the answers out on the plain.

To imagine this is possible to think that I can,

Like the train who would and could and should make it up to that terrain.

I walked as I thought until I came up with a plan.

Would it work? I wondered as I thought out in haste,

I didn’t want this to be one big waste.


To my surprise the person inside began to emerge

And I saw the words cause the fears to purge

The rage and torment slipped behind the gate

As I felt my fingers once more and I began to create.

Letting Go When Shock and Drama Won’t

Love and forgiveness can conquer all, but only when your partner is mature enough to handle this (see post from yesterday). When both of you value your commitment to each other, yes, love and forgiveness will conquer all ills. What happens when there is a lack of maturity? You can’t control the actions of another. You have to let go when shock and drama won’t because their anger (and your stubbornness to let go) are all that is holding on. The love has ceased to exist. You are a victim of your memories and they are a hostage to their anger.

The shock of learning that your boy/girlfriend or spouse is not the person you thought they were is an extremely painful experience. Seeing their true colors for the first time is the start of a very painful journey. At first, you are in denial. You think that any day they will call to apologize. As time goes on, the longer it takes, the chances are, it is just not going to happen.

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