Next month when I marry the man I love, I will be 64 years old. It is both of our second time around but this time it is conscious, eyes wide open, no lies, no abuse, no bs. The sales person in one of the jewelry stores was wanting me to act excited over a ring, she was in her 20’s. I explained that it isn’t like I am shocked or surprised or grateful that this man wants to marry me. I know exactly what I am getting in to. We bought our rings from someone who was kind and unconcerned about my expression. While she was in her 20’s as well, she was grateful for the sale. She wasn’t pushy or annoying, just being herself. I know who I am now and it is the lessons I learned along the way, the aging process that brought me to my older wiser more comfortable self. There are no surprises anymore, just choice.

I have been a holistic thinker since I moved to San Diego the end of 1981 and learned what this word meant. This started me on a path toward vitamins, yoga, motivational seminars, life extension, smudging, rebirthing, acupuncture, acupressure, massage, etc… I have tried most everything. Anything that is good for you. Everything I did has led me to where I am today. Nothing I have mentioned is too late to start. It is never too late. It is sad when people are on their deathbed when that “aha” moment finally comes, but better then never.

Aging comes with various new forms of physical knowledge. Things you don’t expect and things you wish wouldn’t happen. As a holistic thinker, I won’t allow myself to carry bags of pills. I do take a lot of vitamins and ONE pill, but it was a decision that improved my functioning and I considered necessary. It is all about what you believe and what you allow. You can choose to be a victim or a survivor. If you have paid attention to my posts, you know that I am survivor conscious. There are some things you have no choice but to take a pill, but there are some things you have to question – what can I do holistically. I did try this option before taking my one pill, nothing was available because not much is known about it. Someone tried a vitamin cocktail – it did not work – and he wasn’t anyone with knowledge, just trying something for himself and I did too. Vitamins aren’t going to kill you, or cause addictions, and I had enough experience to know how to work with it.

Exercise is something you MUST do to stay alive. I mean that literally. Moving back to Ohio (after 30 years in CA) and seeing how everyone was fat and sitting on the couch, not my preference. If this is you, get off the couch and get to a gym. Fat and on the couch is passive suicide just like an alcoholic. You are going to get high blood pressure and diabetes the more you gain. It is an eating disorder that you are choosing to have.

Exercise means paying attention to your body. I have been in yoga my whole life, but I now prefer to shake it up a little bit. I will tell you why. When I turned 40, two things happened. My metabolism changed and the size 6-8 became a 10-12. I am back to an 8 now but I have had to work for it. Much harder than I did until 40. Also, my size 34 C became a 34 DDD – I have no idea what happened, you could say that weight gain, but when I decrease my weight, nothing changes. It is a freak of nature. And, trying to stand up straight – is a chore. Gravity each year, makes stooping a constant fight. I also wasn’t born with a concave stomach, so I have a gut. Back then at 100 lbs. in high school with a AAA bra size – if I even wore one, it was cute like a little girl. Now, it is not cute and when I stoop over, it is ghastly! When I stand up straight, I look great. This is why I work out differently.

I am at the gym 2-3 x week for about an hour or so, sometimes less – depending on my body. You should always listen to your body. Don’t beat yourself up if you only feel like 30 minutes or you only have room for 30 minutes. I swim 12 laps. I used to do 14, but found that I could barely function the rest of the day. I was trying to be superwoman. Two less laps and I am. If not doing this, I am doing weights for my arms (preventing osteoporosis). I don’t need to take Sally Fields pills from her commercials, I just needed the right vitamins and the weights for my arms. When not swimming, I also am up to 2 miles on the treadmill – with lovely European backgrounds to watch along the way. One mile is jogging and one is walking. And, when not at the gym, the boyfriend and I might be hiking or cycling on a trail.

The good thing about jogging on treadmills, in the aging process – no worries about rocks, or other issues to cause you to lose your balance. When we hike, we take a stick or find one along the way. Cycling, we use thicker tires, than the road bike I once used.

Love is much more healthier now as we have known each other our whole life. We met in 1989 and then there is a long story about how we got from there to here. Lessons that needed to take place for both of us. Some really hard knocks along the way before it was time for us to reunite in 2023. As a result, we choose each other, we hold the same values, and have committed ourselves to the same journey going forward. I couldn’t imagine my life without Paul.

Sex is comfortable, passionate, fun, friendly, and stable. I am myself with Paul. There are no games, no acting skills needed, no manipulation, no abandonment issues, no bs. I know he is going to be with me until one of us dies and so this takes away all fears and the need to pretend. The need to grovel or beg or acquiesce, the need to be a people pleaser. When you are older and wiser, sex is wonderful when you are in love with someone who is in love with you. Also, there are no secrets. We have told each other all our bs. All our deep dark secrets, all our shame, and all our abuse we have lived. This creates trust and a bond between each other (key note – we don’t use it against each other).

Sex and love is something I really didn’t understand as a younger woman. Partly because of my upbringing and the abuse I suffered even as an adult. I now know that you have to wait. You have to be patient. You have to seek someone who is right for you, not the “right man.” The man who fits into your life, not you fitting into theirs. Playing games will get you nowhere except playing games. You have to work on yourself and strengthen yourself, your confidence, your ego, you have to know who you are. Then you have to set boundaries, ask for what you want and that person needs to respect you.

As we go into our aging process, love who you are. Love your body. Love that woman (or if you are a man reading this, that man) in the mirror. My wedding next month is an elopement. Just me and him, the officiant and photographer. A beautiful nature setting, where we will hike for a few days before headed back to our businesses. It is me and him against the big beautiful world. More to come!