Attracting the Person Who is Right For You

Couple holding hands with wedding rings on a wooden slab during outdoor ceremony
Before you say “I Do,” make sure they are a good fit for you. Ask questions, listen, ask more questions to clarify, and this goes on throughout your relationship and into your marriage. As you evolve into this new person and this couple.

Marriage has its ups and downs. There are days when you want to pack it up and leave, and days when you are so very much in love. The strength of a marriage is a testament to commitment, values, faith and of course love. All of these four components must be understood by both of you before you say “I Do.” Let’s examine this a little further.

Continue reading

When You Choose a Path of Growth, You Will Walk Thru Many Doors

Blue wooden door with lion head knocker and climbing greenery
A charming historic blue door surrounded by climbing vines and potted flowers

I have a dream that comes to me now and then, where I am walking down the street. In order to get where I am going, I have to go in and out of people’s homes along the way. Through many different doors. No one is generally in these homes, though I go in the door, walk around the house, looking for the door to get out and then I am on to the next one. I find it difficult that I have to go through this maze in order to get where I am wanting to go. I have made a conscious effort to be on a path of growth my entire adult life. It has meant that I have had many phases or stages along these six decades, as I go through different doors that open me up to knowledge, spirituality, and naturally growth as a human being.

Continue reading

You’re Dating a Narcissist! – American Movie 2025

Fandango Ad

Naturally someone in Hollywood had to make use of the term “Narcissist,” that is making people’s careers rise up amongst the psychology profession. This is nothing more than an Instagram/Tik Tok video minus the subtitles. It is a “Tell Don’t Show,” because God forbid that someone would have to use their head. While they do get the narcissism correct, I wonder how many young women actually got something from watching this show? I specialize in working with survivors, so yes, I got it. All you are getting is Marissa Tomei’s character talk through the entire movie. Well, yell is more like it. Who talks like this?

I don’t recommend seeing this film, as you won’t learn anything from it. Wouldn’t this be the point? To help young women get a sense of the type of men out there they might be dating? There is nothing funny about it, to me as a psychology professional, and it is extremely predictable.

Continue reading

Pope Leo: The Jesus of our Times

(photo credits: Aciafrica.org)
Not a coincidence that it only took a day to decide he would be pope.

I am not a Catholic and never have been AND, I am not saying Pope Leo IS Jesus, just to clear this up. He is a voice of reason to our Roman Emperor Tiberius (Trump) and his Praetorian Prefect Sejanus (Vance), and all the other antagonizing leaders from across the land. He is a world leader that brings balance to all the chaos and conflict that we face daily in the news. He may not be literally turning water into wine, but he is cleaning up the bazaar with his voice on the stage, while going to various countries observing and commenting.

Continue reading

Menopause and the Sage Woman

In my 98 year old home

A question I frequently ask my female clients mid-40’s and over, is about menopause. Have they begun, are they in it or have they completed the cycling. Many women do not know that they are in the beginning stages, just as I did not in my late 40’s. It can go on for many years before you are actually completing that one year pause – no more monthly cycles at all. You will deal with so many things psychologically. This is the main reason I am asking as a psychotherapist. Is it menopause, or has your life just begun to head in a very strange direction? I also recommend reading “The Fifth Decade,” by Dr. Deborah Wagner as it helped me find direction. Validation really. I was going through a very odd crisis.

Continue reading

Listening: The Answers Are Right There

2007 Open Mic Fremont, CA: Barnes and Noble

When you listen, everything you need to know is right there. A person who is talking, is not doing so to waste their energy. They are talking to communicate with you. Explain their boundaries, voice their needs, and to explain who they are. In a relationship, whether it is friend, boss, co-worker, or lover, listening is the best way to have a healthy partnership with the person receiving the words. When we do not listen, we miss out on the connection. When we misunderstand, we ass…u…me. When we ignore, we are focused on ourself, our Ego. The answers are right there. All you need to know about someone, they are telling you.

I am a psychotherapist, I work with people who are frustrated because you are not listening.

Continue reading

Meditation: Life Changing Moments

A Kundalini yoga guru, that I took a class with in Los Angeles said, “If everyone did yoga, there would be less people in hospitals.” I have never been in a hospital, as a holistic practitioner.

In addition, I am adding, “If everyone did meditation, the world would be a calmer place.”

I tell people all the time, this is the best medicine for Anxiety.

So what is this all about?

Continue reading

Seaside Hotel – Badehotellet: Danish TV Period Piece

thetvdb.com

This 10 season WWII Danish period piece ran from 2013-2024 and is quite addicting to watch. You will find it on PBS. I found it to be Denmark’s description of WWII, similar to A French Village, in that they are capturing a small community of people during this period of crisis. The differences are vast, in that A French Village shows more violence and causes more stress to the viewer. In fact, at the end of A French Village, I felt emotionally exhausted. But, the French period piece is doing a lot of “Show Don’t Tell,” vs. the Danish piece is “Telling but not Showing.” Which is fine and a unique way of narrating a horrible time in history. With Seaside Hotel, we are seeing amazing actors, never out of character, who are capable of telling the story of WWII and how it impacted them. These are middle to well to do characters who choose to consistently take room and board at this seaside hotel, during the summer season. It is strangely comforting, as if your grandparents or great grandparents are talking to you from beyond the grave.

Continue reading

The Ironies of “Conversion Therapy” and Which Side You Are On

Alliance Defending Freedom adflegal.org

The American Heritage Dictionary defines Conversion as: 1. The act of converting and 2. The state of being converted. The third definition has to do with converting your religion, which is not part of this article. After the Supreme Court ruling on Chiles v. Salazar this last week, national organizations – politically liberal – for therapists are up in arms concerned about therapists “rights” even though they ruled in our favor. But it really depends on what side of the fence you are on politically as to whether it was in therapists favor or not. And, in respect to the term conversion, it is interesting that Colorado and 20 other states ban “conversion therapy,” but only if you are a conservative focused on children’s rights. It is perfectly okay to convert a child into changing their gender in these states (presumably if they all have similar wording to Colorado’s), but not okay to bring some balance to their childhood delusions especially when you are telling the therapist you are confused and need to talk it out (Kayley Chile’s Story). “Children in Colorado can be counseled toward dangerous drugs and surgeries—but not the reverse.” Quote from Kayley’s story.

Continue reading

Shame Has to Change Sides – The Gisèle Pelicot Story

Ms. Pelicot’s story is one that I learned about in the news after the court hearing against her husband and other perpetrators began. She is from France. I was fascinated with the knowledge that she had requested the courtroom be opened to the public at the Palais de Justice. The title “Shame Has to Change Sides,” coincides with this. She had heard this term from a woman’s group, I believe she says in her book. It meant that instead of her facing the humiliation of being alone in the courtroom, with all of her perpetrators, instead, the room would be filled with journalists (from around the world) and women wanting to hear her story. These people, who flocked in daily once the word got out, were now facing the perpetrators, so they could not be anonymous. This was a very brave action on her part, especially as these people would also be witness to the humiliation and degradation that was done to her in more than a decade. The book she writes, “A Hymn to Life,” gives us the details of her fifty year marriage to the “monster.”

Continue reading