Love and forgiveness can conquer all, but only when your partner is mature enough to handle this (see post from yesterday). When both of you value your commitment to each other, yes, love and forgiveness will conquer all ills. What happens when there is a lack of maturity? You can’t control the actions of another. You have to let go when shock and drama won’t because their anger (and your stubbornness to let go) are all that is holding on. The love has ceased to exist. You are a victim of your memories and they are a hostage to their anger.
The shock of learning that your boy/girlfriend or spouse is not the person you thought they were is an extremely painful experience. Seeing their true colors for the first time is the start of a very painful journey. At first, you are in denial. You think that any day they will call to apologize. As time goes on, the longer it takes, the chances are, it is just not going to happen.
In a relationship, love and forgiveness can conquer most anything if two people are willing to work through the crisis. The problem is this: most people give up at the sign of any discomfort. It is usually one person that makes that decision to say they aren’t going to put up with someone anymore. Sometimes both do and then they say it was mutual when they leave at the end.
Love is easy, you can kiss and make up. Relationships are for grown-ups and require a lot of hard work. Persistence, dedication, love, and commitment to each other. This is the recipe for turning things around. If one or both refuses, they have missed out on an opportunity to grow and become better people. They are essentially running away and choosing to continue living their life in the crisis. This is unfortunate. If they could stay with their partner and do the work, the relationship could potentially transform into a much more powerful union. A sense of relationship enlightenment could ensue.
This is quite a lengthy post but well-worth the read. I found it quite fascinating and hope you will too. It is a very diplomatic way of explaining the ills of our society.Posted by Dr. Rod Hoevet on June 22, 2020
Perhaps people have always been unreasonable. Even if we look back to the origins of humanity, maybe there has never been a reasonable time. Perhaps there has never been a time when people listened to each other, truly considered thoughts and ideas (even when they were opposed to their own) and offered measured or reasonable responses to those disagreements. Maybe it’s always been the way it is now: chaotic, accusatory, blaming, erratic, unpredictable and irrational. We are living in times so unreasonable that only the Borderline can fully relate.
I copied the below information on Mabel from the Alliance Historical Society Website. Take some time to peruse their website and learn more about this family, the home and the city. I don’t see any other information about her online but you might reach out the historical society to see what more they have to offer.
Biography of Mabel Hartzell
Mabel Hartzell was born in Saginaw, Michigan on January 1, 1875 and died in Alliance, Ohio on December 2, 1954.
She came to Alliance with her family when she was eight years old. Her mother died when Mabel was just nine years old. The family was divided and she was adopted by Matthew and Mary Earley, who were friends of the family. The Earleys allowed Mabel to keep the Hartzell name.
Mabel Hartzell was a very well-educated woman and was extremely active in activities in and for the Alliance community.
In a relationship, the biggest reason for endings is the Ego. Werner Erhard once said “When your right, that’s what you get to be. Right. That is, not necessarily loved, or anything else nice: Just Right.” To succeed in couples counseling, both parties need to be willing to work on their ego, with the knowledge that both are making mistakes.
How are we able to delve deeper into our psyche? Breathe fresh air into our consciousness and let go?
This is the hardest task we must both follow in a relationship. The one thing that will make or break a couple. Can they let go of their need to be right or continue to just fight? Do they love each other and want to grow as a couple? If you want to grow, you both have to be willing to listen and learn. Otherwise, you have nothing.
We three Leos’ have read your books which were handed down from one to another. First, it was Lia, who once was a little toddler that crossed the border from Hungary in 1956 with mommy and daddy. She was sick and they were granted passage on a plane to get her to America more quickly, I believe from an Austrian camp. Then it was her mother, Marika neni who read it next. Marika neni has told me her story many times of coming to this country. She was a woman I grew up with, who was like an aunt but more of a sister to my stepfather. Lia was our babysitter in my formative years. Marika neni and my stepfather met at Camp Kilmer in New Jersey, when a group of refugees decided on Wheeling for their new home.
The Perfect Host stars David Hyde Pierce as Warwick Wilson, in an outstanding performance as a first-class creep. He has gone a long way from Niles on Frasier, our first cerebral goofball to see on television. As a psychotherapist, I always reveled in that show and the intellectually snobbery between he and his brother. In this role as Warwick, he has stepped into a new dimension (perhaps he has done this in another role, but this is my first time to see him in this type of character portrayal) and mesmerized me the entire time. The dissociative identity disorder idea was flabby in the storyline but made sense, nonetheless. He could have been schizophrenic as well, but I think the writer wanted to portray DID instead.
In this past year, the world has been at war with a virus. Everyone has been included: nurses, psychotherapists, doctors, lawyers, no one has been excluded from the fear that has besieged us. Being with our clients and patients we are in the same boat and this has challenged us to be strong in the face of fear. There was no where in the world we could run to; to get away. We all had to face what was happening individually and as a collective. We all handled this in our own way. A way that made us feel comfortable with our beliefs, our culture, our environment and what we knew to be right.
It has been a time when our faith in ourselves, others, and our spiritual beliefs have been put to the test. Some people have been afraid, so very afraid that violence ensued. Other people went into hiding hoping for the best. Some people felt a need to stand up to this fear and assert their privilege as a human being. No one was wrong because they were being true to themselves. Mistakes were made that will have to be paid for in the long term. This year will begin to show its true colors, in the future that is to come. An awareness after we have had time to sit back, discover the lessons and realize what price was paid for our actions. At the moment, everyone feels that they are right and everyone else is wrong.
Visiting the Cleveland Art Museum with my boyfriend, this past September, was a real treat. Not only was it, sadly, very empty but I also learned about a new Ohio woman. Since there were small numbers, we had the luxury of touring the museum like an after hours wealthy dignitary might do, such as a Louis Tiffany in his time. Without a crowd, we did not have to rush viewing the pieces, reading the descriptions and standing and gazing as long as we wished. My boyfriend was interested in viewing the Tiffany’s collection, that I had not noticed since it was behind us walking in. To my surprise, I quickly learned that there was a woman, from Tallmadge, Ohio, who was the actual designer and creator of Tiffany lamps and eventually the jewelry as well. I found a historical fiction book about her…
“Love is a many splendored thing, Love lifts us up where we belong.” from Moulin Rouge with Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman in a duet. I love listening to raw music sung by people who are not necessarily singers but are quite good. I love love, I love being in love, I love feeling love in all its glory. And yet, for most of my life it has come to an end. In fact, it has felt like the end from the beginning. I have lived with several men in my life and never once felt like I was in my own home. Passionate, immature, cocky, egotistical, frightened, PTSD love that was once my life. Now, for once in my life, I am in love with a man who I can be uncomfortable with and this allows me to grow. Someone who allows me to be myself so that I am able to come into myself as a woman. I feel safe and secure, being in love. It feels like it took forever to get here. And yet, we have taken things very very slow. Like it should be. And it makes so much more sense!