Continue readingI write what I am learning. I teach as I grow. I make the same mistakes as anyone else, only my skills show me how to coach people based on what I have uncovered. I am not right, I just write what becomes aware to me as it happens. When I have been in relationship to men, I have hidden behind them and not been my true self. I have been afraid, just as my clients have been afraid, because we were taught to be. When it is over, I reflect and feel the guilt and shame of not having said what I should have said. Of not standing up for myself. Of not really being the partner to them because I was too busy trying to make them love me. This is what happens when you are the survivor of the narcissistic parent. You meet the narcissistic partner and dance with them using the same song you were taught as a child. I will make you love me, no matter what it takes. When you do, I will finally succeed in having the love I have always wanted. Because, if I can make you love me, I will have finally turned this wrong into a right. Jeannine Vegh, M.A., I.M.F.T.
Tag Archives: Men
Staying True to the Self in a Relationship – Ellen’s Story
My first two videos (part 1 and 2) in a series I am creating called Staying True to the Self in a Healthy Relationship. These first two videos are of a couple who have been married for 50 years and had a six year break in between. They have one adult child and a grandchild. Subscribe to my Youtube channel after watching one of these and you will be able to watch all the videos I have created there.
Pain and Suffering Toward Enlightenment
For the past seven months, I have been numb…as I walked in the desert alone – in silence and prayer or meditation. I have come to know God in a renewed way; as I took this path on a contemplative journey. The pain and suffering of losing yet one more relationship at 59, took a hold of me and wouldn’t let go. Realizing, that once again, I had given up on myself while trying to please them and one more time being blamed. This time something completely made up and fabricated to get rid of me. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back and yet, while I hoped to get an apology and for the nightmare to be over, I began to realize, month by month, this was just not going to come.
Continue readingAn Impossible Love: Un Amour Impossible
I will not put this movie (French 2018), in “The Arts” section because it is a psychological drama that hits on the topic of sexual abuse, narcissism and women being left alone for several generations; much like Antonia’s Line (Netherlands, 1995). The film starts out in the 1950’s post WWII France. If you are a great film lover, as I am, you will know when you see the cover and the title, it just hits you – I must watch this film. What really piqued my interest was the title “An Impossible Love,” which hit home for me. I saw other things in the description that I ignored at first until it came up on the screen. I love the way Catherine Corsini handles abuse of a child in this film. Extremely subtle. The topic does not even come up until much later in the film. The child’s older lover tells the mother, not to let her daughter visit the father anymore. The shock on the mother’s face, to realize a man she has loved for 16 years, but who has rejected her all the same, is now sexually abusing their daughter. The shock to finally take in the missing pieces of this puzzle “Rachel” has created, her fantasy that he was a great lover, that they had something special together, suddenly unravels before her eyes. Virginie Efira (with the help of the cameraman), gives a somatic demonstration of soul searching, confusion, awareness and reality in just a few seconds of this film.
Continue readingThey Know Not What They Do
The above title is a comment made by Jesus, on the cross, and can be found in the New Testament. I was taking a course on Insight Timer recently called “The Contemplative Journey,” which is a Gnostic workshop given by Methods. The very last day of this five-day process, the instructor took us on a final meditation in which he used these words “They know not what they do.” I was mesmerized by this statement in a new way and decided to reflect on this today.
Continue readingTwo Therapists Discuss Intimate Relationships with a Narcissist
Episode Two: Intimate Relationships with a Narcissist
Elizabeth Miller, LISW, LLC
https://elizabethmcounseling.com/
Jeannine Vegh, IMFT at Transformative Psychotherapy, LLC
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Survivors of Narcissists Workshop available at Udemy https://www.udemy.com/course/embracing-me/?referralCode=C515C00CF7BBEE83BEC5
Disclaimer: As we are two humble therapists, all discussion you see between us in the video/podcast is based on our training and education, therapeutic work in our practices, and thoughtful opinions formed over our years of working with the population we discuss. We are not the last word in this discussion, and we commit to providing ongoing resources beyond ourselves to enlarge your understanding of this complex subject. Thank you for viewing and we hope this will be helpful in your recovery process.
Two Therapists Discuss Narcissism
Episode One: Introduction to Narcissism
Elizabeth Miller, LISW, LLC
https://elizabethmcounseling.com/
Jeannine Vegh, IMFT at Transformative Psychotherapy, LLC
https://jkvegh.com
Survivors of Narcissists Workshop available at Udemy
https://www.udemy.com/course/embracing-me/?referralCode=C515C00CF7BBEE83BEC5
Disclaimer: As we are two humble therapists, all discussion you see between us in the video/podcast is based on our training and education, therapeutic work in our practices, and thoughtful opinions formed over our years of working with the population we discuss. We are not the last word in this discussion, and we commit to providing ongoing resources beyond ourselves to enlarge your understanding of this complex subject. Thank you for viewing and we hope this will be helpful in your recovery process.
Narcissistic Victim Syndrome From a Shamanic Perspective
FROM A SHAMANIC PERSPECTIVE, NARCISSISTIC VICTIM SYNDROME IS A RAPE OF THE SOUL.
By Christine Louis de Canonville a mental health therapist in Ireland.
Many therapists would say that the victim of narcissistic abuse seems to unconsciously choose abusive narcissists again and again in a bid to correct their own maladaptive behavioral patterns. And that this pattern of behaviour is the victims attempt to resolve old conflicts, and hopefully soothe their old wounds. This is a plausible argument, and personally I can concur with that to some degree, but personally I believe that the phenomenon is a bit more complicated than that.
Continue readingTaking Responsibility Rather Than Blaming

In our society today, all we hear is the term “victim shaming,” blaming, and apologizing. We never, ever hear anyone just taking responsibility for the situation. We don’t hear enlightenment. But, then this would not be sensational. People who are self-aware do not often get drama or excitement from the press or social media. Not unless you are in a Yoga, New Age, Spirituality, or Meditation forum or app.
Continue readingLove Between Equals: An Excerpt
This is an excerpt from Polly Young-Eisendrath, Ph.D. in her book “Love Between Equals Relationship as a Spiritual Path” (page 118).
Personal love becomes true love, as you recall, when you can feel at home with your beloved because you trust what you see in the mirror: it’s not too wonderful (or demanding of perfection) nor is it too awful or dispiriting. It’s important to remember, when you are on the path of true love, you both have come to trust what you see in the mirror of each other’s eyes. In order for personal love to become true love, the relationship has to have equality, reciprocity, and mutuality, and the reflections of each other need to be Whole Self to Whole Self, which includes what is ideal and what is limited in both people. Why is equality important on this path? Why do partners have to be equals in order for disillusionment to transform into intimacy and ongoing trust? Because the equality signals that both partners want primarily to be with each other in the reality of what they both are – strengths and limitations. The relationship does not feel like a prison but instead feels freely chosen on the basis of knowledge of the self and other.