Transpersonal Notes: Love Never Fails

Posted on May 25, 2021 by Jeannine Vegh

Love never fails when two people are committed to the relationship. In the “Sound Relationship House,” created by the Gottman Institute, you will see that Trust and Commitment are the pillars that hold up the foundation of the house, wherein the seven principles for making a relationship work (the latter part of this sentence is the title of Dr. John Gottman’s best selling book, only with the word marriage in lieu of relationship) lie within. When either of these two are fractured the partnership “can” fall apart but does not have to. In order for the couple to continue being together they have to revisit the conflict and then repair so that they can then rebuild what they have together. Not returning to the same relationship but to a much stronger and more aware partnership.

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Death of a Child and Ending a Love in Sync

Posted on May 24, 2021 by Jeannine Vegh

Funeral photo from the Hungarian Church, Columbus Ohio. Courtesy Reverend Kántor

Goodbye Forever,

May 24, 1987, was a day I would come to hate. It was the last day that we made love, though I would not know it at the time. Such a promising romance, love; we were the 80’s, we were fun. After that moment I felt as if I would be happy forever, such a young thing I was. Not a care in the world, life was not precious but wild and filled with adventures and cravings to take it all on. I drove to my store and danced through the building, telling everyone I was in love and feeling on top of it all. They had never seen me like this before and so the day began in love, in awe, in such magnificent freedom that everything I had ever wanted would be about to happen.

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As it is…

Posted on May 23, 2021 by Jeannine Vegh

The Truth

Is that we are who we are whether we like it or not.

The Dream

We wished for came true, then we gave it back.

The Mountain

Was tall and slippery, jaded and painful; yet we climbed and stood on top.

The Journey

Continues while we look back and take inventory, keep walking even though we limp and set goals even though the old ones have not been reached.

The Choice

To move ahead while you drag your feet behind makes sense because you follow intuition.

The Answers

Are not clear and may never be, though we must live and seek as though we will find.

The Faith

Waivers when we don’t get what we want. It is clear that we have a belief but not in ourself.

The Time

Has come to let go and be.

The Message

Is not here even though it has told you many things – that you already knew.

The Point

Was to remind you.

copyright 2005

Down By The Lake

Posted on May 23, 2021 by Jeannine Vegh

Standing on the dock, looking out at the mossy green basin, she discards her clothes, and jumps in. Half-way across the lake she looks up, and notices there is no gate in the distance. Just as she is beginning to gage her sense of timing to get to the other side, a motor sounds off to the right from the lagoon. Dr. Lion comes toward her or “Guru” as he likes to be called. She calls him nothing.

He has respect from his colleagues, for his papers on depression and isolation. He alludes to having traveled extensively, to lecture about the pressures of society. No one is allowed access to the institution, without his express permission. Dr. Lion is viewed by his clients with fear and trepidation. Like a drill sergeant, he demands that they live by his rules. There is a list next to each bed: 1. Rise at seven, 2. Ten minute showers, 3. Twenty minute breakfast, and it goes on to account for the day with twelve more items. When it was time for therapy, clients would sit on the metal chairs, in order by appointment; they were alphabetized. No talking, no listening, the room outside his office must be silent. Each client is allowed to read the books he has chosen for them.

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An Ode to Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Posted on May 22, 2021 by Jeannine Vegh

After 10 years of solitude, Carlotta had all but given up on the ability to imagine life with a man once more. This time of absence was her own doing, though it was largely the fault of the menopause; which was now nearing its end. The curse had turned into a bitter coming of age story. As her words shot out of her mouth, laced with turpentine just at the tips of the letters, that would leave a mark on anyone she had an opinion about. And these days this was just about anyone. Her pheromones would emit a scent, that was not enticing any more than if she had been a rotting corpse left out on a table to dry. One by one her friends had walked away, too tired of the dark energy that stood near her, even though they too were in the crisis of aging.

Each woman can only tolerate their own pain and each man is looking for one who is not yet touched; if he is lucky. She saw herself as a hag, up in a tree in an apple orchard, throwing barely ripe fruit down; on people who came near her. She tried to explain to people what was going on; to no avail. How could anyone understand a personal crisis which is designed for the individual? While they all know that the Grim Reaper, with his sickle, can come to call any day, and this is expected, most try not to think about it until the time comes; and then it is too late. When the old woman begins to emerge, it is like looking out your window one day and noticing the neighbor has installed a new walkway, that he had been working on for weeks and you had ignored. One day Carlotta had looked in the mirror and wondered who had suddenly appeared before her.

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The Loss of Self with the Narcissist

Posted on May 19, 2021 by Jeannine Vegh

How does one lose their sense of self? This is a loaded question. With a child, it begins when you are more focused on your parent than yourself. You realize that their needs are more important than your own. You make decisions that they will like rather than what you want. You compromise your likes and wants and needs to make sure they are happy. It can come from not having boundaries growing up so that there is no space that is your own. One example is not allowing doors to be locked, even in the bathroom. Therefore, when a child is going through puberty any moment a person can walk through the door. This is frightening to hear but yet this has become a life they are accustomed to. You don’t know any different. Another example is a child who does not even have a room to sleep in and so there is no place to go and read or talk to your friends on the phone. Losing your sense of self can make a person feel like a robot; they are just there doing what they are told. As one person stated, it made them feel invisible from those around them.

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Who Am I

Posted on May 19, 2021 by Jeannine Vegh

Through the passage of time, I have found my mark

And I look back to see how treacherous it was, to embark.

I recall a moment of slashed wrists and a broken plate

A baby crying in the back, while he lay in wait.

I sat in a corner as people walked by

And observed that they lived while I tried to die.

The wells of my emotions had all run dry.

The body was stiff but craved the touch of

One so great who would want so much.

And I looked and I took but they were wrong

Yet even still, I went along.

I knew in my heart that I should walk away

But I craved and I yearned for a voice that would stay.

Someone to see me for who I am

To just once get it right, even if it meant putting up a fight

Thinking I must fix it, assuming it was my fault, to hold this

Relationship and behave like an adult.

In and out of the rooms I would go

Putting on one hell of a show.

I danced and sang and praised and played

While they sucked up the juices and

Fed in to my demise.

I saw the noose hanging above the trap

While I ate and supped on all of their lies.

And when I searched for my mother once more

To give me some respite and nurture these wounds.

Hoping to get a tender embrace, instead she would slap me in my face.

She would call out the shadows from within

And laugh as they sprang forth; ripping the scars on my skin.

There I would sit in a void.

Numb to this renewed place I so wanted to avoid.

Stuck in a web from conception to light

I would scream and cry out wishing it would disappear with the night.

Alas, I am here as is she and the trees are filled with my memories.

I struggle and plod forward with all of my might

Working up the courage to make it alone; assuming that I have the right

And thinking that one day I may become known

When the stone turns and the walls collapse and out of this I won’t relapse.

I dream and I write and I scour my brain, looking for the answers out on the plain.

To imagine this is possible to think that I can,

Like the train who would and could and should make it up to that terrain.

I walked as I thought until I came up with a plan.

Would it work? I wondered as I thought out in haste,

I didn’t want this to be one big waste.

To my surprise the person inside began to emerge

And I saw the words cause the fears to purge

The rage and torment slipped behind the gate

As I felt my fingers once more and I began to create.

Transpersonal Notes: Job and the Bane of Human Existence

Posted on May 12, 2021 by Jeannine Vegh

Recently, I mentioned that I had returned to reading the Bible during a particularly challenging period of my life. After sitting in a church service on Mother’s Day, I heard the guest lecturer speak about Job’s patience. I could barely hear most of what this person said because, like many speakers, they don’t understand the concept of “put the mic near your mouth.” Therefore, I have no idea what she actually said, it was just those two words that sat in my head. Why was Job patient? What happened to him? I went home and began reading this chapter. I quickly realized how much I could relate to Job and how his struggles with God, which were inflicted by God, were similar to my own and those of the clients I serve (and most anyone who has struggled and feels it was – too much to bear).

In reading Job, you will first learn that he is quite well off for that time period. He has many acres, livestock, married and about ten children, more sons than daughters. Sons back then would have been more worthwhile than daughters, for the work they could perform on the property. Also, they would bring in more families to the household whereas the daughter would probably leave to join her husband and his family. The stage is set to let us know that he is in a good place financially. He is also a God-fearing family man. He is not worried about anything except the wrath of God.

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Live FB Event: Survivors of Narcissists

Posted on May 12, 2021 by Jeannine Vegh

Embracing Me: Moving Forward from a Narcissistic Parent or Partner

Live Facebook event on Wednesday, May 26th from 11-noon (Eastern Time Zone). Once you have paid for the event, you will be able to access the Exclusive Posts which will give you the Zoom link to attend the presentation.

This webinar is for people who have been in a relationship with a narcissistic parent or partner and are having difficulties within their life. Generally this is in regard to relationships with bosses, co-workers, siblings, partners, friends, and others. It is also for adult children of these parents who are struggling with differentiation or maintaining your own separate identity from your parents. Narcissistic parents tend to want to remain enmeshed and not allow you to have your own life. If grandchildren are involved and they have any type of control over them (babysitter, raising them, paying for them), this detachment can cause even more havoc on you as a person.

If you have been in this type of relationship, it is often from growing up with some form of trauma or a narcissistic parent. It is difficult to get into a “healthy” attachment with a partner as it is so easy to attract this type of person if you are familiar with this personality. They come across as really caring and loving people – at first. Often we don’t find out their true colors until six months – to a year as the honeymoon stage wears off. You see it sooner, but often don’t realize what you are looking at. Even I, as a therapist, have been fooled more than once!

We are going to look at these personality types and then discuss how to heal from these type of people and move forward into a more healthier attachment with both parent and/or the partner. The webinar is $9.99 with a discount for purchasing a week in advance. You have to click on the Facebook Event link at the top of this post and sign up in order to access this.

I look forward to seeing you there!

Grief, Death and Funerals: For Those Left Behind

Posted on May 11, 2021 by Jeannine Vegh

Two years ago, my uncle died. A beloved past-minister, father, grandfather, brother, uncle, son, and so on. He was well known in many communities of people. When I called my mother to ask about the funeral arrangements, she informed me there would not be one. I was really upset to hear this. It was because the family, with his knowledge, had felt that they did not want to do this. They didn’t want a bunch of commotion. I was furious with this but my words could not be heard because his family are people that when they make a decision, they are not detracted.

As a psychotherapist, who deals with death and dying quite frequently from survivors who come into my office, I know the importance of grief. A funeral is not for the dead, it is for the living. It is for the people who love the departed one and who need to come together in memorial of this person to “sing” their praises. When you deny a funeral from your loved one’s and those who knew of you, you are keeping them from being in congregation with one another and withholding their ability to have closure.

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