I think this blog post really captures the pain and suffering that we go through by honoring our individual timelines. We shouldn’t “get over it” until we are ready. Otherwise we have missed out on deep introspection and growth.
“Eventually, the soul that is truly committed to awakening does not flee uncomfortable situations until it believes it has fully extracted all the wisdom that it can. . .In short, when there is just a quiet sense of peace, and you can look upon the players in the experiences you have had with perfect equanimity and see them as perfectly innocent, and you detect that there is nothing in the body that is not at peace—the heart is not racing, the shoulders are not tight—you truly understand that you are not in fear, then it is time to move on.” (“The Way of Transformation,” The Way of Mastery, Chapter 17, Page 213)
If we are in an uncomfortable situation, this passage says that we ought to just stay there—not try to distract ourselves, not try to flee or to escape—for this uncomfortable situation has something to teach us. Of course…
Love and forgiveness can conquer all, but only when your partner is mature enough to handle this (see post from yesterday). When both of you value your commitment to each other, yes, love and forgiveness will conquer all ills. What happens when there is a lack of maturity? You can’t control the actions of another. You have to let go when shock and drama won’t because their anger (and your stubbornness to let go) are all that is holding on. The love has ceased to exist. You are a victim of your memories and they are a hostage to their anger.
The shock of learning that your boy/girlfriend or spouse is not the person you thought they were is an extremely painful experience. Seeing their true colors for the first time is the start of a very painful journey. At first, you are in denial. You think that any day they will call to apologize. As time goes on, the longer it takes, the chances are, it is just not going to happen.
These past few months have been a struggle for everyone. And yet for some, it has been more difficult than others. This reminds me of the first sentence of Anna Karenina which now rings more true than ever.
All happy families are like one another; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. Leo Tolstoy
Interpreted this can mean that each unhappy family brings different baggage from their own families of origin. Two households merged into one from four parents and siblings. The unhealthy dynamics that played out, inside this home [of origin], were interpreted individually. When a crisis hits a family, each member deals with it in their own separate ways. Thus, bringing all of these family parts, of each couple, into their own domain and without therapy to support these persons, you will have nothing but chaos during this virus (though the relationship started out this way, the virus is just adding to the mess). You are stuck with each other 24/7 and you aren’t retired. One or both of you may be without a job. You may or may not have children, either way being in an uncomfortable situation with someone you are not happy with; it can’t be easy. If you were happy with your partner pre-virus, you are probably doing fine now. If there were lingering problems or elephants in the room; it is much worse by now.