Tag Archives: Abuse

I Can See Clearly Now – The Divorce is Over (or the relationship has ended)

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“I Can See Clearly Now”

I can see clearly now, the rain has gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day

I think I can make it now, the pain has gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is that rainbow I’ve been praying for
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day

Look all around, there’s nothing but blue sky
Look straight ahead, nothing but blue sky

I can see clearly now, the rain has gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone’re the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day
Gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day
Gonna be a bright, bright, bright sun-shining day

Written by Johnny Nash

When listening to the lyrics of this very famous song written by Johnny Nash, you feel a sense of hope after all the pain that you have been through. Women and men who are struggling in the courtroom, trying to divorce a narcissist – this can be a long and tedious journey costing tens of thousands of dollars and leaving the victim broke. However, once it is over, it is over. My clients talk with me about the sense of relief – he/she is gone. “I can sleep at night.” and “I am beginning to have a sense of where I want to go.” As he sings, “Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind,” from the trauma bond (cognitive dissonance), the attorneys who you are unsure are supporting you or not, the judges and GALs who collude with the narcissist (coercive control in the courtroom).

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Survivor Stories – What’s Love Got to Do With it?

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Tina Turner’s bio-movie in 1993, “What’s Love Got to Do With it,” starring Angela Bassett and Laurence Fishburne (as Ike Turner), was probably the first celebrity “coming out” about domestic violence. Tina, married Ike at a very young age of 23. She knew him for six years before this, though they were not a couple the whole time. At the time of their marriage, he had two sons, she had a son and they had a son together. Ike, turned out to be violently abusive, pushed drugs/alcohol on her and was a womanizer to boot. Tina actually tried to consider suicide at one point in the marriage. I think the movie really made people think about him as a person, but also made her a heroine.

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On the Mend – Foo Fighters

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One more day that I’ve survived
Another night alone
Pay no mind, I’m doing fine
I’m breathing on my own

I’m here
And I’m on the mend
I’m here
And I’m on the mend my friend

Wake me when the hour arrives
Wake me with my name
See you somewhere down the line
We’re tethered once again

I’m here
And I’m on the mend
I’m here
And I’m on the mend my friend
I’m here
And I’m on the mend
I’m here
And I’m on the mend my friend

Was it you?
Sat alone
Here we go

Close your eyes and stay a while
To take me where you go
Single file we walk the mile
Who’s wandering back home

I’m here
And I’m on the mend
I’m here
And I’m on the mend my friend
I’m here
And I’m on the mend
I’m here
And I’m on the mend my friend

Was it you?
Sat alone

Here we go
Here we go
Here we go
Here we go

Written by: Dave Grohl, Taylor Hawkins, Nate Mendel, Chris Shiflett Album: In Your Honor Released: 2005

The first time I heard this song, I was in the middle of a trauma bond myself and felt very poorly. I felt that “on the mend,” spoke very much of a person who was trying to crawl out of a hole, and this could be from mental illness, sickness, grief, a normal break-up, or a trauma bond from a narcissist.

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PTSD Awareness Month

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Approximately 12 million people in the U.S. are living with PTSD, according to the most recent estimates from the Veterans Administration. While effective treatments exist, too many still aren’t getting the help they need and many individuals remain unaware or unsure about seeking care. 

This month, help us spread the word: PTSD is treatable, and recovery is possible .Whether someone is a veteran or a civilian affected by traumatic events, evidence-based therapies can make a real difference and can lead to a better quality of life.
(This above quote came from Star Behavioral Health a provider service and training center for psychotherapists who work with the military).
Photo taken from: https://www.northsegment.com/ptsd-awareness-month-the-rewarding-journey-of-healing-a-wounded-soul/

There are different types of treatment for PTSD. Some examples are Cognitive Processing Therapy, EMDR, and Prolonged Exposure. As a trained therapist in CPT for PTSD, I can personally attest to symptoms decreasing and clients having a better quality of life from this treatment. I actually log the scores, of all the cases I have worked with, on a spreadsheet and calculate the averages for each of the 12 sessions. For example: I currently show an average starting score, in session one as 54.8 and by session 12, the average final score is 13.35. The score needed to begin treatment is 30 for military and 35 for civilians on the PCL-5 (which is the test given for PTSD). In CPT, we give this test weekly to show evidence of symptoms.

What is important with any treatment is that you are ready to begin and committed to not backing out. Knowing it is going to a be a tough road ahead, but willing to do what it takes to heal from the trauma. If you have a desire to not live with this pain and not stay focused on medications solely, you can survive this – with treatment. Holistic treatment, or an alternative to medications.

The Psychology of the Deep Narcissist – As Explained Through Carl Jung’s Teachings

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This is Psychology 101, Jung and his thoughts used to understand Narcissism. It is the best 30 minutes on this topic that you will find. However, as a caveat, the subtitles are AI generated, so ignore the subtitles – which you can’t turn off. It looks like this person has maybe created this for a psychology class. I hope the whole thing isn’t AI generated but you never know these days. He has listed many references under the video for further research.

Carl Jung is one of my favorite psychologists but he is hard to study. I have seen him speaking on another video and thought to myself “Why didn’t you write your books this way?” LOL. Naturally, he wrote them for academia, for psychology journals and for research and so they weren’t written for the average reader. I find, the best way to learn about his work is from videos like the one above. Reading books where people have translated his work and listening to a video where he is talking to the interviewer directly.

At the end of this video, he talks about healing the self – that is possible for the narcissist. I would argue that it is equally helpful in healing the survivor.

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” Carl Jung

You Might be a Batterer If:

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Sleeping with the Enemy – Julia Roberts 1991

I wrote the following many years ago, but since I saved it on the Icloud, in one fell swoop, I lost all my dates. I am guessing this was written in the early 2000’s. There are three lists to distinguish between “Batterer,” “Victim,” and “Survivor.” The sentences are sarcastic in the sense that this is how the person is thinking. Meaning, if someone is a batterer, they are going to agree with these sentences and not find anything wrong with it.

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Survivors Turned Experts – Laymen Speaking about Psychology

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It is really important to heal your wounds before speaking to others about psychology. This goes for psychotherapists, psychiatrists, psychologists and even laymen (or non-professionals). Why? Because there is still so much to learn. Because you don’t really understand yet what is going on. Because you have so much anger and are relaying only part of a very biased story. For professionals, it is easy to project your own pain onto others. It is easy to misunderstand because their story doesn’t fit yours.

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Lisa Romano on Daughter’s of Narcissistic Mothers

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I resonate with this video and wanted to share this as we go into “Happy” Mother’s Day. For those of you who are struggling at this time of the year, it is important to seek support from a psychotherapist who specializes in this topic. Learn about boundaries, building self-confidence, separating/detaching from the narcissist (this doesn’t mean you never speak to them again), find your sense of self, grow into the woman you want to be. For some people, they are unsure of who they want to be. Psychotherapy will help you to explore this answer as you work through the childhood wounds.

Lisa A. Romano can be found on her website and on Insight Timer. I have enjoyed listened to her videos on IT and found them to be very helpful and insightful. Please note that she is a Life Coach and not a psychotherapist.