Pretend I’m Not Here – Barbara Feinman Todd

I really enjoyed reading this book from beginning to end, and I am not a liberal. Ms. Feinman Todd explores herself psychologically, throughout the book, which I appreciated. I think it builds trust and character in a human; when they can be real with their audience. It is something I try to do myself with my posts.

To say she has been humbled is putting it lightly. It isn’t so bad when you are being thrown under the bus by a girlfriend or boyfriend, teacher or boss. But when that person is Bob Woodrow (Watergate fame) and Hillary Clinton, yeah, that is a bit of a hiccup.

Part way into the book, I actually looked her up online as I thought she looked familiar. Not because of this infamous 15 minutes but I thought she might have been to the California Writer’s Club bi-annual conference perhaps. This is when I read the part about the hiccup, when her book was reviewed by her old “boss” at the Washington Post – where she got her start in life as a researcher and subsequent “ghosting” gigs. Needless to say, they blamed her and of course stood up for their top writer. One more reason to never trust the media. I learned this by being a social worker where you can’t speak out for the children you are responsible for. The media just makes things up, or covers their ass.

As I noted, she shared herself quite openly in this book. It is not hard to see how a young woman, looking up to a highly revered reporter – whom she has put on a pedestal – would trust him over her own intuition. How many times have women succumbed to the charms of a man. The prisons are filled with women who have committed an act for a man, very rarely is it of their own volition.

I write about narcissism all the time, on my psychology page. This is what I specialize in – survivors of narcissists. Not saying Bob is a narcissist, just saying that it is interesting when people don’t take responsibility for their actions. To think people are that naïve – well, they are, sad but I am trusting the little guy over the big guy. I mean, even if she went to see Bob and blurted out confidential information – a bigger person, who knew he was her mentor, would have counseled her and kept it to themselves. But, Bob isn’t a psychotherapist who retains confidential information. Although he did for “Deep Throat,” but only his name, not the confidential information. You never reveal your source. He is a big time reporter that gets people impeached. I am sure by then (late 90’s), he had become a bit big for his britches. How I am looking at it, was it really that important that the American people knew that Hillary was into psychics? BFD. As Kenny Rogers said, no when to hold them and no when to fold them. Personally, I would never trust the guy. Luckily, I doubt I will ever have to.

The complete title of the book (published 2017) is “Pretend I’m Not Here.” The secondary title, “How I worked with three newspaper icons, one powerful first lady, and still managed to dig myself out of the Washington swamp.” Quite a mouthful. I picked it up on sale at the Worthington Library for the title, not the secondary byline. It is easy to get the point when the book is written by a woman.

In Order to Live – Yeonmi Park Book Review

I had only learned of this young woman a week ago. My boyfriend mentioned her name, we looked her up and found lots of scathing reviews from liberal journalists who don’t know the first thing about psychology or survivors of communist countries. As soon as I heard more about the story, I wanted to read it immediately to see for myself. My step/adopt father came to the U.S. in 1956 from Hungary. Post-WWII, after failing as an ally (luckily), their country was communist until 1989. I grew up learning about communism, Russians and fearing this type of lifestyle. I also, myself, wrote a book about 1956, The Uprisers, in which I did an extensive amount of research. And, I am a trauma specialist in my day job.

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In the Mood for Love, A Chinese Masterpiece in Avant Garde

A 2000 film by Wong Kar-Wai, this is a brilliantly directed, choreographed, acted, film with amazing camera work that will have you wondering what is going on. I say the latter because you will want to watch this at least two times to understand what is going on. This was the consensus of my movie group last night. I loved it the first time I watched it, but was confused, as an American, by the names, the characters and all the cameo type scenes. I loved it once I figured out what was going on the first time, and then the second time, being prepared for what was about to take place, I could relax and prepare and enjoy. I have learned with foreign films – trust the director – he knows what he is doing.

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Temptation (1946 film) – The Trauma Bond Experience

Last night I went on Youtube to look for something interesting and different to watch. I had no idea I could actually watch an entire film without advertising, while not being a payer. I clicked on the link thinking it was a critic engaging in a discussion of the film and ended up watching this wonderful storyline.

The film stars Merle Oberon who was a British-Asian actress (her Asian heritage was a secret to the audience in that time period). This was my first time to see her in a movie other than Wuthering Heights. In Temptation, a woman named Ruby is looking to strengthen her financial picture, and goes after an Egyptologist, Nigel. She shares her secret ambitions with her doctor, assuming that he must keep this secret. She assumes he does. Her marriage takes her to Egypt, and she leads a very boring life until she meets Mahmoud Baroudi. This is when the trauma bond begins.

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Isabelle Huppert – Talking About Elle

Isabelle Huppert is being interviewed by an Arabic man by the name of Husam Sam Asi. This is in English but it has Arabic subtitles. I was not impressed with his questions but I was taken by Isabelle’s ability to handle these questions. She is not trying to please him or anyone. She is simply being herself and not being taken in by the political correctness. He on the other hand, looks upset and frustrated that she is not agreeing with him. I found her responses to be ruthless and yet noble, diplomatic and sophisticated.

The questions meet an American audiences whims, so they will be attractive to Americans. However, this interview clearly shows that Europeans are much more mature.

The Worst Person in the World – Norway

I resonated with Julie and the confusion she has as a young woman. The movie doesn’t end with less confusion, just that she has grown a little more as a person. This is normal with foreign films, as only Americans seem to need to be nurtured at the end of the film. I like the foreign way because it is more realistic to me. No one’s life ends with a nurtured ending. It ends with the choices we made and whether we have learned anything from it or not.

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Phantom Thread – Controlling Narcissist and the Trauma Bond

Phantom Thread is a 2017 movie directed by Paul Thomas Anderson. It stars Daniel Day-Lewis as the Controlling Narcissist (Reynolds), Vicky Krieps as the Victim in his trauma bond (Alma) and Lesley Manville as his sister, and dominant female ally (Cyril). The film is well-done in many respects, showing the trauma bond that is created between perpetrator and victim. However, there are some key moments where I felt that Daniel and Vicky came out of character. One scene was him giggling with her in the bathroom, with bowl on his lap and asking her to kiss him. It didn’t feel real to me. Another scene was when she was telling him about the egg dish and again there seemed to be an odd moment between the actors. I was also confused about how the director brought us into the movie. Was there another woman at the beginning of the film that was his girlfriend (I thought his wife, due to the time period) or was this Vicky’s character and we are later going back in time when he meets her in the next scene? We also hear Alma talking to some guy that we will later learn is Reynolds doctor. It was confusing because we see her (the girlfriend) for a brief moment, get to know the character Reynolds, his sister and then suddenly he is meeting his victim or next one, Alma and says he is not married. I already knew he was a controlling narcissist by now but not sure about the women.

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Jim Morrison: A Shaman Who Was Never Meant to Be

The difference between a madman and a shaman is that a shaman comes back, they gain something and use the tools they have learnt to heal others through their own survival guide. ~ DiosRaw, WordPress Blogger

Possibly a non-professional photo, in France, in his last days on Earth.

When I read the book “Shamans of the World,” by Bradford P. Keeney and Nancy Connor, I learned that shamans often have a life or death type situation that they have had to overcome before they achieve the enlightenment worthy of such a high person. I feel like Jim Morrison was a shaman or a chieftain or philosopher of some type, in another lifetime. I have also learned that elements of our past lives transfer forward.  Jim Morrison may have been a genius but he was not strong enough emotionally to beat addictions. His words have great meaning, for him and they can teach us something about his life. However, it was all too much for him to handle.

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Corridor of Mirrors: Portrait of a Covert Narcissist

Last night, I watched a 1948 British classic, “Corridor of Mirrors.” I started by looking on Kanopy, at various films and kept seeing “psychological” thriller or mental health issues and I said to myself “not in the mood for psychology tonight.” Then I see this film and it says it is about a man who thinks this woman is his reincarnated lover from 400 years ago. Sounded intriguing to me and I set about to watch it. The sound was horrible and I had to re-start it three times and finally, put on closed captioning so I knew what they were saying. I was a little confused with the storyline in the beginning too, but kept at it. Then, we get to the character Veronica, who “is allowed” to live in the basement of the mansion. It is where the main male lead, Paul, lives in. Veronica spells out his personality, almost like she is giving the description of a covert narcissist. I thought to myself, “Oh, well now, I have to sit up straight and pay more attention to this storyline.” I just can’t get away from my specialization at the office. And, I knew this was going to be a film I would be talking up to my clients. And, it is an amazing film. It is different from Gaslight, which is focused on the title. This film, bares a lot more explanation to the average person. So, here we go.

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The Bold, Bizarre and Disturbing: in Film

Since as far back as I can remember, I found controversial films could pique my interest. Actually, it all started with Qube TV in Columbus, Ohio and a girlfriends sleepover. I was at the height of puberty, we were all in Gloria’s basement, and she mentioned that her family had cable. I had no idea what that was, nor did anyone at that time; unless you had it. She also mentioned that there were porn films on the channel, but you had to use a special key, which she had. That was the end of this conversation, until they went to sleep. My curiosity got the best of me and I quickly put the key in and began to watch some really great films; with the sound way, way down. These were not your blue eye shadow, nose dripping, scarf around the neck type porns. Instead, they were art films and the people happened to have sex or be naked for various scenes.

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