Jules et Jim – 1962 François Truffaut

Jules et Jim (et Catherine, et Albert). Notice who is in front and where everyone’s eyes are.

This movie is a story about to men in friendship with each other, pre-WWI. One is Austrian, the other French. They meet Catherine who is mentally unstable but a lot of fun to be around. There are a lot of female stereotypes that she does not conform too and because they are not therapists and in that time period didn’t know anything about personality disorders, they looked past her eccentricities. One will end up regretting this at the end of the film.

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Gone Girl – The Kind of Woman Everyman Should Fear

Gone Girl Movie Poster – Rosamund Pike and Ben Affleck

Written several years ago for another blog/website that is now defunct.

Last night I watched Gone Girl, which I found quite scary! I didn’t really like the ending but then I realized, if he had killed her that would have been predictable. If she had killed him, this would have been expected. It also would have turned the movie into a horror film and I would not have watched it. The ending was rather odd though and made no sense. Usually, this is what I love about foreign films, non-predictable and full of questions. And this is an American film.

However, I did turn to Wikipedia, for some clarification thinking I’d read something new. The scenes seemed to race by, like a British murder mystery that isn’t quite sure how to come to a conclusion. Often the sillier but much loved TV murder mysteries are so confusing in the end but you don’t really care because you enjoyed the storyline and the actors. I don’t really love Ben Affleck, but I think he can be a great actor. Sometimes he chooses really dumb storylines but overall, he is good. I don’t know much about Rosamund Pike but I thought she did a wonderful job. It seemed though that the focus was too much on her being pretty, like Reese Witherspoon in “Wild.” No matter what scene Reese was in, even as a junkie, she still looked made up. Too think that no one recognized “Amy” just because of her hair color (especially when they are sitting right next to each other at the trailer park hotel) was a bit of a stretch. It is possible I suppose.  Isn’t that being non-politically correct though to stereotype poor white people?

The stereotypical feminist’s didn’t like it – of course! But what is strange is that Thelma and Louise are in their Top 10 of movies to watch. I found that movie rather ridiculous and not a film that showed strong female characters, rather, very weak and distraught. They probably wouldn’t have recognized Amy either. Amy was weak but mentally dysfunctional. Not too different than Natalie Portman’s character in “Black Swan.” It is funny that when the guy isn’t the bad guy and a woman is up against him it goes against stereotypical feminist beliefs but yet if it is a woman up against a woman, it makes sense? Or it is okay for the politically correct pundits. Here are some of the reviews by women via Wikipedia:

Writing in The Guardian on October 6, 2014, Joan Smith criticized what she saw as the film’s “recycling of rape myths”, citing research released in 2013 which claimed that false allegations of rape in the UK were extremely rare.[53] She wrote: “The characters live in a parallel universe where the immediate reaction to a woman who says she’s been assaulted is one of chivalrous concern. Tell that to all the victims, here and in the US, who have had their claims dismissed by skeptical police officers.”

I did think the scene with the police officers (who were they anyway?) was rather un-predictable and strange. I think the female cop in the beginning at least showed a little more common sense. Why were these other cops called in? I am sure the book would have explained it.

In an October 3, 2014, blog post for Ms. Magazine, Natalie Wilson argues that by not addressing Amy’s social privilege—whereby she possesses the “necessary funds, skills, know-how and spare time” to stage a disappearance—Gone Girl is the “crystallization of a thousand misogynist myths and fears about female behavior.”

I don’t think it is a myth or fear about female behavior if a male has been traumatized by a woman, any more than a woman having this fear in the same scenario. If the roles had been reversed in this film, it would have been predictable but the stereotypical feminists would have been salivating.

Alyssa Rosenberg wrote in the Washington Post on October 3, 2014, that, although she was initially “unconvinced” by the book, her fascination with the novel and film was partly due to her conclusion that “Amy Elliot Dunne is the only fictional character I can think of who might be accurately described as simultaneously misogynist and misandrist.”

I confess, I had to look up misandry because I had never heard the word before. Well, it is basically the definition of a stereotypical feminist.

Europeans love women and allow them to be in films, no matter what their age. The women don’t have all these issues that American women have about the roles they play. This is probably why they are in more films. That and they often speak more than one language which makes them versatile for different markets. I began to wonder about how things would have been if Gone Girl had been a European film. If the movie had been made in France, no doubt Isabelle Huppert would have starred in it. She definitely wouldn’t have come across as being “too pretty,” in all her scenes, though she is a beautiful woman. She is one of those actresses that always come across as intense, dark and fearful. In fact, I tend to become a little nervous about watching the movies she is starring in. “Merci Pour Le Chocolat,” comes to mind. From the onset, you don’t even imagine this will be a happy family story even with the designer wardrobe and the vast estate. The mansion looks like it belonged to Erzsébet Báthory. The nice expensive clothes on Isabelle’s character aren’t even noticed when the camera pans on her face while she is talking.

If it were made in Spain, Penélope Cruz would no doubt have been the lead and Pedro Almadovar would have directed it. I think of “Volver,” and how Pedro’s films always seem to make sense “When you put it that way.” Penélope has a huge repertoire of personalities that can come out on film. The “extras” that came with one of her films I rented through Netflix (DVD) showed her being filmed doing stills, while the cameraman asked her to portray different thoughts. I think it was after her Italian film “Don’t Move,” which is a story about a prostitute in a relationship with a physician, who ultimately rapes her. I was caught off guard by how ugly she was able to make herself for this performance, which was certainly very important to really embrace the character and not think of the actress.

In the end, I think Gone Girl was a good film in many respects. The beginning was rather stale and dry, though it began to make sense as it continued. I initially thought Ben Affleck was behaving like a bored actor not wanting to make a film. The gripping turn of events is what made me look at the film in a much better light. I began to realize Ben’s character Nick was really just confused and unsure of himself. In fact, I initially thought this was going to be a predictable storyline but then began to fear for Nick because I don’t like to see someone wrongfully accused. I don’t hate men. They took some time showing Amy in her true light, of course it made it much more palatable as a movie with this twist. I might like to have seen something that showed her a little off other than the “Amazing Amy,” clue. The ending probably could have used some work because I think confusing endings are okay but it just seemed out of context for the film. I can’t quite put my finger on what I think would have made more sense. Watch it because it is not a typical American movie, if you are one of those who hate modern US films. Don’t watch it if you are a stereotypical feminist, as you probably won’t find it fits your mindset. To fear it because you are a man is ludicrous and typecasting, just as it would be if the roles were reversed. It is a good film, don’t try to politicize it. There are mentally ill men and women. Even if it is rare that a woman would lie about rape, it does happen. It also makes for good plot twists and storylines.

Borders of Love – Sexual Manipulation of the Male

This Czech-Polish (2022 – Kanopy) movie could be seen as a modern day love relationship and it is billed as an erotic-drama. But, since it is so important to me that we watch movies consciously – and I use films for homework with my clients – so that we are more self-aware and do not go into a romantic delusion that this is healthy and fun. It is not. The director is very clear of this throughout the film showing us somatically that Petyr is not enjoying this and is being manipulated by his girlfriend Hanka. Here is my fantasy session with Petyr after he comes to see me at the end of the film.

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August: Osage County – Why Some of us Hate Mother’s Day

If you grew up with a narcissistic mother, or a mother like Violet, you absolutely hate Mother’s Day. You were ripped off and didn’t get that kind, nurturing, loving, supportive parent that Hallmark believes you had. They don’t keep “giving, loving and being the best mother you could possibly be,” as one card would lead us to think. So, every woman who has grown up with a narcissistic mother will struggle to find a card, find a gift – that is good enough, or will try to resist altogether, in a passive/aggressive way – which you will pay for.

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Somebody that I Used to Know – Gotye

Above is the video of this song, below are my translations as to what I believe the words mean when I look at them in the context of a narcissist. Not sure if this is what he was thinking, but I suspect it could be. I feel like this song is his way of telling us how he redirected himself in the process of moving forward after a narcissist. Take a look and see:

Now and then I think of when we were together,

Like when you said you felt so happy you could die,

Told myself that you were right for me, (Love Bombing)

But felt so lonely in your company, (Trauma Bond)

But that was love and it’s an ache I still remember.

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness,

Like resignation to the end, (Trauma  Bond)

Always the end,

So when we found that we could not make sense,

Well you said that we would still be friends,

But I’ll admit that I was glad that it was over. (Self-Realization – Healthy Detachment)

But you didn’t have to cut me off, (Discard)

Make out like it never happened,

And that now we’re nothing,

And I don’t even need your love, (Trauma Bond)

But you treat me like a stranger,

And that feels so rough,

No you didn’t have to stoop so low,

Have your friends collect your records, (Discard)

And then change your number, (Discard)

I guess that I don’t need that though,

Now you’re just somebody that I used to know, (Healthy detaching process)

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over

But had me believing it was always something that I’d done (Gaslighting)

And I don’t wanna live that way

Reading into every word you say (Romantic Delusion)

You said that you could let it go

And I wouldn’t catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know…

Narcissists at the Movies

Movies are my favorite tool for helping a client to understand what I am talking about. All of the films below show a relationship with a NPD, in different ways. Some of the films below are shown in the Marquee above.

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There’s Still Tomorrow – Italian film by Paola Cortellesi

This 2023 film is not at all what you think it is about. You won’t find out until the very end, why she is going through that door and then the whole movie is a question of “What the F?” This is not a Fellini type film – but it does have weird scenes. I felt it was more like Roberto Benigni’s film “Life is Beautiful.” Making a joke at the macabre. It is not set up as a mystery, but it is when you see the ending and think back at the whole story. It is like a schizophrenic journey. Didn’t this happen? Didn’t we see the set up for all of this conclusion?

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Pamela Harriman – Kingmaker, by Sonia Purnell

On February 5th 1997, almost seven months before the day of Princess Diana’s fatal crash, both coming from the Hotel Ritz in Paris, Pamela Harriman died suffering a heart attack while doing her favorite sport – swimming. Ironically, Henri Paul tried to save Pamela, after she was pulled from the waters and as a result of this heroic deed would become the final driver to Princess Diana.

Photo above by Annie Leibovitz

“What she really wanted–and what those men were unable to give her–was a life on her own terms. A woman born in the early twentieth century to parents who wanted a boy, who was raised only for marriage, who never had the chance of a formal education or proper career, that meant changing her name and her nationality, wrecking her health with work and worry, and waiting five decades for her second break.” Sonia Purnell, Kingmaker.

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Maria von Trapp by Maria

Of course you want to believe that the von Trapp family walked over the mountains onto a plane and came to America. Not really the case. I read the book Maria by Maria von Trapp recently and got a different sense of the Sound of Music. Firstly, they did not make millions off of this movie, they gained $9K after she sold her rights to a German film company, prior to Hollywood knocking on her door. Sadly, Hollywood doesn’t care – no surprise there – about taking over someone’s life. Even better when they reap all the rewards and gain 100% profit. Maria had no idea that her families story would generate millions either. They needed money, which was the case for many years before the Trapp Family Lodge began to really take off in Stowe, Vermont.

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