Empowering Your Healing Process Through Women’s Voices

Reading what women (or men’s voices for men) have had to say through a biographer or from their own words of wisdom can be very empowering when you are going through your own healing process. Whether you are a victim – still in the home, or a survivor – out and trying to get your life back, a woman’s voice can be very strong, very educational, and very relatable. It doesn’t matter who you choose, let your intuitive powers guide you to this choice and then be prepared to sit back and indulge yourself in another woman’s experience.

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When are they NOT a Narcissist?

There are so many articles about Narcissism on the internet. It is easy to lump someone into a category when “narcissistic traits” may seem to be prevalent in many other diagnoses. This is the reason why it is inappropriate to diagnose someone who is not in the room. Often times, I will hear people talking about their partner and I realize they may have TBI or PTSD. They may also have Depression or some other mental health condition. Addicts DO seem to be narcissistic but this is because they are putting the addiction before the family, job or partner. Below are some things to be aware of. No one should diagnose anyone unless they are a psychological professional and they are in the room with this person. Even then, we don’t necessarily tell the person, unless we are going to do treatment on them or they seem open to listening.

  1. Narcissistic traits vs. personality disorder – As mentioned above, the traits can be seen in a myriad of diagnoses and so it might not be the personality disorder. We are all egotistical and so there are times when we can seem like narcissists to others.
  2. Another personality disorder. In my practicum, I worked with a woman who had Histrionic Personality Disorder. Now, I can recall her narcissistic traits, but it was way more drama. The men who have begun to see me for a Narcissistic partner, generally seem to be Borderline. Anti-Social Personality Disorder is really what is going on in the movie “Gaslight.”
  3.  I have had people tell me that a mentally ill person was a “narcissist” or that the addict was a “narcissist,” for example. Those traits will surface from these types of other diagnoses. Which comes first though? What will they be like on medication or clean and sober? This is something that we can’t answer until it happens. I try to empathize with the mentally ill person – who is not in treatment – when explaining to my clients or to people in general. With an addict, I will say “Oh, they are an addict. And the fix is their priority, not you or anyone else, which makes them seem like a narcissist.” Mentally ill people often feel bad about the strain caused on their families by their illness.
  4. Is the man/woman angry due to undisclosed sexual abuse or because of a traumatic brain injury or PTSD? I try to dig deep when I hear a man come into my office who says he was told he was a narcissist. Women aren’t generally told this for some reason. If we find out what is really going on, then we can treat the problem and find a solution. If a man is coming into my office and addressing his own narcissism by taking responsibility for this, that is usually a good sign. I would like to say that most likely they are not as the narcissist does not take responsibility. It is always everyone else’s fault.
  5. Women will often ask “Am I a Narcissist,” thinking it is genetic or maybe it wasn’t my mom or maybe it wasn’t my husband/boyfriend, maybe it was me. There is a study that I have read but I am not convinced yet, I have seen it re-enacted but not inherited.
  6. There are walls put up by the person with PTSD. I specialize in this, and I prepare for the defensiveness when they have it (not always), sometimes they can be quite angry. I never take it personally; they aren’t angry at me or at us as psychotherapists. Their behaviors sometimes can be narcissistic because they are protecting themselves from assumed tragedy, crisis, pending danger. They are angry at all men or all women. They are angry at the perpetrator and their ego shows us a very cocky, know it all, in charge, protector – or a very strong person who is trying to be in control of the world around them. They know this. The narcissist is not aware that they are doing these behaviors, some are conscious though and this is a whole other level.

The narcissist is not aware of their behaviors and how it impacts others. The parent is not concerned about how their children will turn out as adults and how it correlates to the way they raised them. They will talk about their children’s outcomes and will approve or disapprove but do not correlate with themselves and their spouse. They are “bad children”, “they became drug addicts,” “they are a horrible parent,” “they live in the basement because they can’t make it on their own.” I have heard a parent say, “I don’t want them to leave, because I don’t want to be alone.” That is, at least, some acknowledgement of responsibility.

In conclusion, don’t assume the person is a narcissist. If the articles you are reading online, make sense, talk to a therapist to discuss this further. The most important thing is not their diagnosis but how you are handling this relationship, yourself, and what steps should you take to heal and move on in your life. Take a look at my workshop on the “Survivors” page above, which can be found on Udemy.

What is PTSD?

What is PTSD? Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a diagnosis in the DSM-5 that is not biological. You are not born with this, nor is it genetic. It happens to someone post-trauma as the diagnosis states. Many people believe they have this and sometimes this is correct. The U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs National Center for PTSD states that 7-8% of the population will have PTSD in their lives. Sixty percent of men and fifty percent of women will experience at least one trauma in their lives, they continue to state. To further clarify in regard to veterans: since Vietnam, between 11-15% of veterans have been diagnosed with PTSD (also stated on the website of the U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs National Center for PTSD).

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There’s Still Tomorrow – Italian film by Paola Cortellesi

This 2023 film is not at all what you think it is about. You won’t find out until the very end, why she is going through that door and then the whole movie is a question of “What the F?” This is not a Fellini type film – but it does have weird scenes. I felt it was more like Roberto Benigni’s film “Life is Beautiful.” Making a joke at the macabre. It is not set up as a mystery, but it is when you see the ending and think back at the whole story. It is like a schizophrenic journey. Didn’t this happen? Didn’t we see the set up for all of this conclusion?

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Why Trans are Taking Advantage of Women Now

Men did not want to be women until around the pandemic. People were isolated and went stir crazy boarded up in their homes around the world. Until then, men didn’t really care too much to be women. Trans thinking was a small minority of people and let’s look at the reasons why – in my opinion.

  1. Women didn’t have the right to vote until 1920 and minority groups of women didn’t have the right to vote until much later. Asian women 1952, Native American women 1962, Black women 1965, for Latinas, there are three dates: 1929 for literate women, 1935 for Puerto Ricans and then 1975 prohibiting discrimination against non-English speaking people. Before 1920, men could vote without a problem.
  2. Women could not compete in the Olympics until 1920 and this was a special “Women’s Olympics.” Until 1972 with Title IX, you did not see women’s sports teams in schools and universities. Before this, men WERE sports.
  3. Women being allowed to work. Well, prostitution is the oldest profession known to women, but when it comes to legal paid professions, there was factory work – for poor people and women were not looked at too favorably if they had to do this. You could be a nanny or servant in a home. Then you were allowed to work as a Rosie in WWII. A couple of women worked as de-coders during the war, but this was an exception to the rule (they were pretty damn good!). Until the 60’s, you really didn’t see women having careers – as a rule. And, guess what, women didn’t get paid equally to men.
  4. Girls Scouts of America, was brought here by Juliette Lowe, who knew the Baden-Powell’s in England that founded the original boys and girls guide groups there. The Girl Scouts were founded here, specifically like in England, to help poor girls gather practical skills to survive in the world. Men already knew these skills, as they learned these things growing up.
  5. Daughters of the American Revolution was founded one year after the Sons of the American Revolution, by four women and this WAS a genealogical group whereby women had to prove (as did the men) that they were descendants of someone involved in the American Revolution (soldier, activist, etc…). As a previous member (before they began allowing men) and an adopted female, I had to prove my heritage by finding my original birth certificate before I was adopted. Luckily, Ohio allows this. Now, men can hand over fake birth certificates where the state now “legally” declares them a woman. Not the original birth certificate, which would say they were a male. Adopted folks still need to prove their original birth heritage. The four women who founded this once prestigious organization are turning in their graves in shame.
  6. Bathrooms and locker rooms. Well, if a man was caught in the bathroom or a locker room say at a ladies tennis court, their husbands would have beat the living daylights out of this person for even attempting to pretend to be a lady and peep in on their women. I am pretty sure this was not allowed at private country clubs either. We had respect for women at that time, even if we didn’t allow them to work or vote. Women were protected in some way shape or form.
  7. Women owning homes. My very own home in Columbus Ohio was first purchased by a woman in 1928. She was not married yet. I am not sure when a woman could first own a home but I can definitely attest to the fact that it was not easy for a woman to do so. You could not even open a line of credit, as a woman, until 1971, so if you purchased a home, you had to pay cash. This might have come from family inheritances or a family loan. Men NEVER had a problem buying homes, opening lines of credit.
  8. Going to college – there were a couple of colleges that allowed women to attend. Most notably here in Ohio, we had Oberlin and Antioch in the mid 1800’s. Yale and Princeton did not accept women until 1969 and Harvard it would not be until 1977. Men NEVER had a problem going to college prior to these years. If they had the money and for the ivy-league groups – the prestige – they went to college.
  9. Women’s prisons were first established between the 1870’s-1900 in the U.S. Now, suddenly, men can say they are a “woman” and they get a free pass to sexually abuse and impregnate women in federal prisons. The first male to female surgery – paid for by the prison system was in 2022. Now, finally, President Trump is trying to get this abolished. Trans people have “concerns” about their safety in men’s prisons. When was it “safe” to be in prison?
  10. Convents – there is already a man trying to insert himself into a nunnery in England. He is trying to establish himself as a Carolinian “sister.” Luckily, the nuns in this organization are saying they are unable to “accommodate a transgender nun.” Can you imagine? The sacredness of this woman’s organization, taking vows of chastity and suddenly a dick walks in the shower?

Men who want to be women need to have their own trans groups. Women have established themselves in women’s groups to have a safe space to be women, to talk, to share psychological and emotional space with one another. It is a sacred place to discuss violence in the home but also a place to discuss family matters; rearing children, dealing with husbands, taking care of the home, and financial support. A woman’s group is not a place for men, any more than I would want to invade a private men’s group such as the mason’s or a men’s athletic club. The privacy of women’s groups are no different than the privacy of Hungarian Cultural Associations (for Hungarians) or other ethnic groups. It is no different than African-Americans not wanting white people to join their group. It is why an Indian woman once asked me in an Indian store in California “What are you doing here?” It was sacred to her and I was not offended because I realized this suddenly. The same stares have occurred in La Michoacana stores as well. We have to accept that these places are for their (our) safety, their community, and their cultural sanity. Of course me visiting a retail store is hardly the same as invading a woman’s bathroom, sports team or prison.

To get a better perspective, take a look a this timeline of women’s legal rights in the U.S. and keep in mind that it depended on which state you lived in. There is no “timeline of men’s legal rights” in the U.S. except for minorities and foreigners. This is the reason why I have no sympathy for men who want to be women and take over our rights and spaces that we have worked very hard to gain. It is why I have no sympathy for liberal women “feminists,” who have become hypocrites. Why I left the Daughters of the American Revolution (last month) who shamelessly turned the organization upside down in 2022 (unbeknownst to me as this is when I as admitted). As a woman who has been reading and writing about women’s history for her entire life, I am not about to abandon my ancestors ever. Part of who I am is a woman with integrity. Men who choose to dress like women have no integrity or self-respect. They have no respect for women. This is a new way of being a misogynist and raping women worldwide.

As we celebrate WOMEN’s History month, we are not celebrating men who want to be women. That is a choice. Arguably they believe their mental health depends on this. However, a good therapist could help support them in this battle. Real women do not have a choice in the matter and we did not have choices in history and still battle with men taking advantage of us worldwide. Women are still forced into human trafficking – more than men. They are still forced into female genital mutilation in Muslim groups. They are still forced into marriage as children in third world countries. Every 9 seconds in the U.S. a woman is assualted or beaten. Not a man, not a man wanting to be a woman – A WOMAN.

Please bare this in mind when you are thinking about women’s history month during the month of March and in every single month thereafter. Women’s rights are sacred to women. Real biological women. XX

Pamela Harriman – Kingmaker, by Sonia Purnell

On February 5th 1997, almost seven months before the day of Princess Diana’s fatal crash, both coming from the Hotel Ritz in Paris, Pamela Harriman died suffering a heart attack while doing her favorite sport – swimming. Ironically, Henri Paul tried to save Pamela, after she was pulled from the waters and as a result of this heroic deed would become the final driver to Princess Diana.

Photo above by Annie Leibovitz

“What she really wanted–and what those men were unable to give her–was a life on her own terms. A woman born in the early twentieth century to parents who wanted a boy, who was raised only for marriage, who never had the chance of a formal education or proper career, that meant changing her name and her nationality, wrecking her health with work and worry, and waiting five decades for her second break.” Sonia Purnell, Kingmaker.

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Maria von Trapp by Maria

Of course you want to believe that the von Trapp family walked over the mountains onto a plane and came to America. Not really the case. I read the book Maria by Maria von Trapp recently and got a different sense of the Sound of Music. Firstly, they did not make millions off of this movie, they gained $9K after she sold her rights to a German film company, prior to Hollywood knocking on her door. Sadly, Hollywood doesn’t care – no surprise there – about taking over someone’s life. Even better when they reap all the rewards and gain 100% profit. Maria had no idea that her families story would generate millions either. They needed money, which was the case for many years before the Trapp Family Lodge began to really take off in Stowe, Vermont.

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The Red Virgin – Captive of the Narcissistic Mother

Hildegart Rodríguez

Who was Aurora Rodríguez Carballeira and what made her become the obsessed narcissistic mother of Hildegart? So little is known about this woman but much is known about Hildegart because of her writings. She was conceived sometime in 1914 and born at the end of the year on December 9th in Ferrol, Spain. She died 18 years later at the hands of her mother’s gun. In the meantime, she was the protégé of her mother, who held her emotionally and sometimes physically captive in their home where she was under the “protection” of her mother. We only have the Spanish movie “The Red Virgin,” to give us a glimpse of what the screenplay writer wants us to know and understand.

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Melania – A Millennial Jackie Kennedy

As I began to read this book, my first thoughts were of two other autobiographies I have read in the last ten years. One was Queen Noor (the American-born journalist who became the Queen of Jordan in 1978 – 1999) and Sophia Loren. All had sons (though the Queen had two daughters as well). All were women who were very beautiful, international sensations, and went through tough issues as women: controversies, struggles, yet rose to fame and fortune nonetheless. None of them were tactless enough to make their book about gossip, though the Queen did have a lot to say about her son not becoming King (he wasn’t in line, as was culturally acceptable). All had strong opinions but were very grounded and kind and loving.

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