Tag Archives: Society

The Uncomfortable Comfortableness

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My ebook is finally here and I can’t wait for you to read it and provide a review to help others who are struggling with this topic. You can find the book at Books2Read through a variety of your favorite ebook publishers. Today is the first day, so if you don’t see your favorite publisher yet, it may be there tomorrow. Hoopla will take a couple of weeks so please be patient!

Uncomfortable Comfortableness is an easy read-in-one-day, with six wonderful homework assignments to keep you thinking. I have been working on this for many months at the same time preparing workshops on this very same topic. It finally occurred to me, I needed something quick and easy. A book that gets right to the point. Another therapist came up with a similar concept – quick and easy for couples. I told her to publish it and then I thought – why don’t I do this for survivors? Well, here it is, just in time for Christmas/Hannukah/Winter Solstice or whatever holiday you might celebrate at this time of the year.

Thank you for shopping and again, leave a review if you don’t mind, so others might consider picking up a copy for themselves.

Survivor Stories – Human Trafficking

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Virginia Giuffre

There are many survivors of the Jeffrey Epstein/Ghislaine Maxwell human trafficking scandal. While we only hear about the women, I have seen a photo online of him standing with a group of boys. I imagine that they are having a harder time coming forward, as male sexual abuse survivors often do. Virginia Giuffre appears to be the most outspoken, female survivor, with her book “Nobody’s Girl.” What is sad is two things, one that she felt so alone and depressed that she died by suicide. Secondly, that one of the other victim’s a Korean woman by the name of Rina Oh and she were in pursuit of justice in different ways and at odds with each other at the same time.

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Gaslight Scene which Captures Gaslighting Best

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This particular scene works best in understanding what “gaslighting” is. It also shows the moves of a pathological liar in motion. When watching this, pay particular attention to when she says “the letter.” See how Gregory stops in motion, is thinking, then turns around and stumbles with his words ever so slightly before conjuring up the lie that she never had the letter in the first place. When Paula uses the terms “insane” she is letting us all know that this is what it feels like when someone is gaslighting you. Although she says “Are you trying to tell me I am insane.” This is an educated woman trying to make sense of her reality. This is the difference between a lie an gaslighting.

At the end, a discussion is had about why “he” can’t let her go out in public. This would have been the worst thing that could happen to a society woman in her time period. She would become speculation for gossip and rumors, which we see in this movie when the two maids are talking outside the house (this is not on this clip). In today’s day and age, if a celebrity couple is captured in a photo (alone or together), perhaps in a bad mood, bad hair day, poor choice of clothing, this is the modern way of “going out in public” and gossip and rumors run havoc in the tabloids.

Emotionally Immature Parents

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The key point of whether they are or not is how they respond to you when you express concerns about something they have said or done. Do they get defensive and turn it around to be about themselves or do they say to you “What did I say” or “Tell me what I did to hurt you.” This book “Adult Children or Emotionally Immature Parents,” By Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson, is one of my client favorites who are still feeling wounded or continue to be wounded by parents they were raised by. They turn to this book to seek answers as an adjunct to therapy.

A few days ago, I put a video on here with Dr. Ramani talking about whether it is a Narcissist or an Emotionally Immature parent.

It is important to educate yourself about whatever you are experiencing from a parent or partner, and this knowledge should come from professionals, not from bloggers who are not qualified to explain these topics to you. Otherwise, listening to a “survivor turned expert,” could possibly trigger you, as they are luring you in with dramatic posts. Whereas an expert is going to share information with you and talk to you about how to work through this experience or where to get help on this topic.

Margaret Sanger – Yes, History is Not Comfortable – Respect the Reasons

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Image courtesy of Library of Congress Catalog/Wikimedia Commons

Margaret Sanger’s history is coming up for slaughter in a new documentary put together by the “right.” Even Planned Parenthood is running scared and trying to step away from their founding mother rather than taking a stand for history and the person who created their organization. You cannot erase the past and it is important to respect the reasons people had for their beliefs, as this was a different time and in fact a desperate time for women.

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Narcissist or Emotionally Immature – Dr. Ramani Explains the Difference

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Society uses this term too lightly and it is important to understand the difference. Naturally you should never use this term toward someone, especially since you are not a psychology professional and even when you are. We want to, but it will only work against us. It feels like they need to know, but it is better to focus on taking care of yourself rather than trying to change them.

Manipulation and Gaslighting

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Found on LinkedIn post

Manipulation leads to gaslighting or is a part of gaslighting. However, manipulation can stand alone and can be defensiveness – someone doesn’t want to take responsibility. It does not have to end up in a gaslighting scenario. With both, someone may start out focused on your reaction but they can also spin it into causing you to question your sanity. Did this really happen? Two scenarios:

Manipulation – Guy: Oh, so it sounds like you have a lot of grievances. Gal: Yes, I do in fact I have some issues to discuss with you and I wish you would listen. Guy: I don’t like the tone of your voice. You are very manipulative. (When this happens, the person is turning the scenario around and blaming the communicator so that she will not try to hold him accountable. It can confuse a person).

Gaslighting: Let’s look at a clip from the movie. Watch how Gregory suddenly turns the tables when Paula brings up a letter he (visually) does not seem to remember. He has Paula questioning her sanity, bringing into play her own mother’s history. He doubles down at the end by saying, this is why he doesn’t want to take her into public. Back then, not being sociable in public, for a wealthy woman, would give rise to scandal and gossip. The woman’s whole life depended on being social and attending galas, the theater and the opera. It would be horrible for a woman of her class. She would be looked down on.

Flying Monkeys – Priority Female or Male in the Narcissists Life

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When I typed in this term on Duck Duck Go, the Search Assist told me this: “Flying monkeys refer to individuals who enable or assist a narcissist in their manipulative behaviors, often without realizing the harm they are causing. They may spread gossip, act as spies, or defend the narcissist, typically due to manipulation or a desire to please.” What I had already seen as a pattern in narcissistic relationships was a person that I termed “The Priority Female,” and now realize there are Priority Male’s as well. What does this look like?

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Why are Women Always to Blame?

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The female (and male that we have not read about) survivors of the Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell human trafficking scandal want justice. Yet, recently on Linkedin, Nicole Huff, LCSW, posted a list of appropriate terms that should be used in court, instead of the terms perceived to be used shown below. The terms in italics are presumably what will be seen in court and in the media and what is next to these terms are the appropriate terms.

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