Category Archives: Psychology

Gaslight Scene which Captures Gaslighting Best

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This particular scene works best in understanding what “gaslighting” is. It also shows the moves of a pathological liar in motion. When watching this, pay particular attention to when she says “the letter.” See how Gregory stops in motion, is thinking, then turns around and stumbles with his words ever so slightly before conjuring up the lie that she never had the letter in the first place. When Paula uses the terms “insane” she is letting us all know that this is what it feels like when someone is gaslighting you. Although she says “Are you trying to tell me I am insane.” This is an educated woman trying to make sense of her reality. This is the difference between a lie an gaslighting.

At the end, a discussion is had about why “he” can’t let her go out in public. This would have been the worst thing that could happen to a society woman in her time period. She would become speculation for gossip and rumors, which we see in this movie when the two maids are talking outside the house (this is not on this clip). In today’s day and age, if a celebrity couple is captured in a photo (alone or together), perhaps in a bad mood, bad hair day, poor choice of clothing, this is the modern way of “going out in public” and gossip and rumors run havoc in the tabloids.

Emotionally Immature Parents

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The key point of whether they are or not is how they respond to you when you express concerns about something they have said or done. Do they get defensive and turn it around to be about themselves or do they say to you “What did I say” or “Tell me what I did to hurt you.” This book “Adult Children or Emotionally Immature Parents,” By Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson, is one of my client favorites who are still feeling wounded or continue to be wounded by parents they were raised by. They turn to this book to seek answers as an adjunct to therapy.

A few days ago, I put a video on here with Dr. Ramani talking about whether it is a Narcissist or an Emotionally Immature parent.

It is important to educate yourself about whatever you are experiencing from a parent or partner, and this knowledge should come from professionals, not from bloggers who are not qualified to explain these topics to you. Otherwise, listening to a “survivor turned expert,” could possibly trigger you, as they are luring you in with dramatic posts. Whereas an expert is going to share information with you and talk to you about how to work through this experience or where to get help on this topic.

Margaret Sanger – Yes, History is Not Comfortable – Respect the Reasons

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Image courtesy of Library of Congress Catalog/Wikimedia Commons

Margaret Sanger’s history is coming up for slaughter in a new documentary put together by the “right.” Even Planned Parenthood is running scared and trying to step away from their founding mother rather than taking a stand for history and the person who created their organization. You cannot erase the past and it is important to respect the reasons people had for their beliefs, as this was a different time and in fact a desperate time for women.

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Dial M for Murder – A Very Very Prepared Psychopath

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Ray Milland plays Tony Wendice (prn. When-dess), in the 1954 Hitchcock film “Dial M For Murder.” He is a cold, calculating, psychopath, who has elegantly and cleverly set up Anthony Dawson’s character Charles Swann to kill his wife for her money. This is a familiar storyline from the movies Temptation, Double Indemnity, The Postman Rings Twice, to name a few.

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Narcissist or Emotionally Immature – Dr. Ramani Explains the Difference

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Society uses this term too lightly and it is important to understand the difference. Naturally you should never use this term toward someone, especially since you are not a psychology professional and even when you are. We want to, but it will only work against us. It feels like they need to know, but it is better to focus on taking care of yourself rather than trying to change them.

Keeping Up Appearances – the Narcissistic Wife and Neighbor

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While this is a comedy, you can imagine, when you view this series from the BBC, how difficult it would be to be in the character Richard’s shoes (her husband) and that of her neighbors. Dame Patricia Rutledge died this past week, at the age of 96 and so I thought I’d share one of her most remarkable performances as a Narcissistic wife and neighbor. Her character’s name is Hyacinth Bucket (though she makes sure everyone pronounces her name Bouquet instead). She is so focused on looking good, hence the title of the show. It does not matter what her husband thinks, her neighbors, her siblings, the Vicar and his wife. Everyone is under her thumb and reacts appropriately to her expectations.

If you get a chance to watch this TV series, it will make you laugh hysterically. However, in real life, this type of person would be hell to live with. She also has a son, whom you never see in the series. His name is Sheridan. She thinks highly of him, which a narcissistic mother would do. RIP Dame Rutledge, what a long life and career, and a wonderful actress you were.

Healing from Trauma

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Found on Linkedin

It can be difficult to “let go” and begin to forgive yourself and the people around you that have brought harm to you. Forgiving as in “Radical Acceptance” not that you agree with what happened or okay with it.

I also find that when clients don’t want to do work on themselves – to heal from trauma – it is because the walls they have put up are protecting them. If they take them down, they might be seen as weak or unable to protect themselves from danger.

Fortunately, I find that when I work with people who have faced trauma and they bravely commit themselves to healing from this experience, they are actually much stronger people. Naturally, they have to trust me, the therapist and the process. When they do, they end up having much happier lives and are of course much stronger as well.

The trauma has to be over though, and this means ending the relationship with the narcissistic relationship. This is sometimes difficult to do when you are going through a divorce – and dealing with the perpetrator and the court the perp has manipulated. It also can be hard if this is your family. And yet, it can still happen that you will find peace of mind at the end of the day, by the choices you make, the boundaries you set and staying true to yourself.

Manipulation and Gaslighting

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Found on LinkedIn post

Manipulation leads to gaslighting or is a part of gaslighting. However, manipulation can stand alone and can be defensiveness – someone doesn’t want to take responsibility. It does not have to end up in a gaslighting scenario. With both, someone may start out focused on your reaction but they can also spin it into causing you to question your sanity. Did this really happen? Two scenarios:

Manipulation – Guy: Oh, so it sounds like you have a lot of grievances. Gal: Yes, I do in fact I have some issues to discuss with you and I wish you would listen. Guy: I don’t like the tone of your voice. You are very manipulative. (When this happens, the person is turning the scenario around and blaming the communicator so that she will not try to hold him accountable. It can confuse a person).

Gaslighting: Let’s look at a clip from the movie. Watch how Gregory suddenly turns the tables when Paula brings up a letter he (visually) does not seem to remember. He has Paula questioning her sanity, bringing into play her own mother’s history. He doubles down at the end by saying, this is why he doesn’t want to take her into public. Back then, not being sociable in public, for a wealthy woman, would give rise to scandal and gossip. The woman’s whole life depended on being social and attending galas, the theater and the opera. It would be horrible for a woman of her class. She would be looked down on.

Flying Monkeys – Priority Female or Male in the Narcissists Life

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When I typed in this term on Duck Duck Go, the Search Assist told me this: “Flying monkeys refer to individuals who enable or assist a narcissist in their manipulative behaviors, often without realizing the harm they are causing. They may spread gossip, act as spies, or defend the narcissist, typically due to manipulation or a desire to please.” What I had already seen as a pattern in narcissistic relationships was a person that I termed “The Priority Female,” and now realize there are Priority Male’s as well. What does this look like?

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