Who Can We Trust

This week has been a difficult and challenging week for me. I had to trust someone, an attorney, who luckily was able to help me get through one challenge. On another situation, an organization I belong to, decided to strip away my trust by changing their bylaws and not informing their members. I found out by reading about it in the Daily Wire. My local branch had changed their by-laws last year, I voted “No,” because it smelled fishy to me. The chapter regent beat around the bush when I declared my concerns to her after the meeting. She “would get back to me on it, after talking to some people higher up.” She never did. I resigned from the organization this past weekend, after reading this article and knowing that it was correct.

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Destroying America, One Value at a Time

Yesterday, our former president was the victim of a second assassination attempt by someone who, in the least, suffered from Anti-Social Personality Disorder. ASPD is a given when an adult commits a crime. With a child, it would be called Conduct Disorder. My thinking right now is – bad luck comes in threes – the Secret Service (and other law enforcement) did a great job yesterday, now they should be even more prepared, no matter where he goes. However, crime in America is worse than it has ever been. A lack of values, a division of people, anti-Semitism not seen since WWII, attacks on freedom of speech (usually conservative), a lack of professionalism in the workplace (all the way to the political debates) and then political lies that go unchecked from a biased debate.

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Women’s Rights 2023: Integrity to Women

Ladies and gentlemen. I step away from writing about women’s history to approach a state of our union as it now stands. A state of the union in regards to women’s rights, privacy, safety, security, and a sacredness of being a woman. It is hard for me to stay focused on the past, when right now, our rights are being violated across the country as we speak. I want to hear from you women about the experiences you have been forced to undergo, in our nation.

The House of Representatives, on February, the ninth of this year, introduced H.Res. 115: Establishing a Women’s Bill of Rights to reaffirm legal protections afforded to women under Federal law. This is something that every woman needs to know about and make sure that their U.S. Representatives and U.S. Senators are on board with. Explain to them why this is important to you.

Here is my story. I am a member of the OSU (Ohio) Phillip Heit Fitness Center in New Albany, Ohio. The end of January, while brushing my hair and completely dressed, I look over and see a male in front of me in the locker room. In my 60+ year history, I have never once been in a bathroom or locker room and had to face seeing a male. I was in shock and disbelief. I had heard about these things happening but hoped that since I was paying $100/month for a luxury facility, I would not have to deal with such things. I went to the management, who appeared sympathetic. A week later, he produced a DEI policy from the university, (see below) and that was that. He even asked me if I was cancelling my membership. I needed to breathe. I did not. I determined instead that I would fight back, because I had a right to be there and be in that women’s locker room. He did not – policy or no policy – its common sense. I have since seen him one other time. This time, I had my towel wrapped around me and became extremely uncomfortable. I have approached DEI, just for shits and giggles – I did not expect them, her (ironically) to sympathize. I made her aware that her “inclusion” meant “exclusion” for women. I have filed a mandated child/elder report with the New Albany PD, as I am a licensed professional mental health therapist. They said it did not fit voyeurism because of the policy.

Let’s review policy. Did black people enjoy the benefits of the Jim Crowe Laws that began in the late 19th century and continued into the 1960’s? Did black people enjoy the policy of seeing signs saying “No Colored People Allowed?” Did they enjoy sitting in the back of the bus? The irony of this is that the OSU DEI person was not only a woman but a black woman. I would be willing to bet many DEI people across the country are minorities fighting to make sure they are “inclusionary.” I do not enjoy, feel safe, feel comfortable, or enjoy having my privacy violated for a tiny minority of people with mental health issues. These policies need to end. The US Supreme Court determined the other day that Affirmative Action is not Equality and will end. One small step.

Gender Dysphoria is a mental health issue. While we would not collude with schizophrenic hallucinations by listening and agreeing with them, we certainly should not be excluding women, biological women if I need to say this to be clear, from the privacy of their changing rooms, sports or bathrooms. Trans identifying people can do whatever they want, that is their business. As long as they are not harming children, influencing children, or invading women’s or even men’s spaces (though, to my knowledge no woman has been disrespectful enough of herself and men to walk into a men’s restroom or locker room – or sports team). When people have mental health issues, they need help. They do not need to be glamorized on TV or in the movies. It is not fun or funny to have a mental health issue. A small percentage actually cross over and get prosthesis put on their bodies, otherwise, they don’t. And, as such, they need to respect women, men and themselves and go to the lavatory of their biology.

What will it take for us to get our private spaces returned? Will we need to wait for a woman to be killed? Already, women have been attacked in bathrooms, raped, and according to a prison police officer that I spoke to, there were six women impregnated here in Ohio, because of men “identifying” as a woman and put in women’s prisons. Women in prison in Canada, spoke in an article about a trans male who was a child molester, and placed in the section with mothers and their children, as a babysitter. Who really has rights? Four children were removed by Children’s Protective Services in Boston, last week, after paramedics called to the scene, found several drag men in a filthy hovel, with these children, oh, and a dead body. Agatha Christie couldn’t have done better herself.

Muslim and some Jewish women are not allowed to remove their head garments, not to mention their clothing in front of a male. Does anyone care about this? We know what we talk about in the bathroom/locker room. These are conversations that we don’t want to have in front of a male who has no idea what it is like to be a woman. Identifying as whatever you want, does not make you that sex. It simply means you are in costume – in drag. Those of us who are seniors and are dealing with the aging body are not interested in being ogled by someone who wants to be us. They never will be. They will never understand. There is a sacred bond between women. There is a knowingness.

I think of the holocaust movies I have seen where men and women were thrown into a gas chamber, forced to strip naked in front of each other before the “showers” were turned on. Their last moments on Earth, they were completely humiliated before being annihilated. As a highly sensitive person, I have never been able to get this horrible image out of my head. Of course, this is just one of the many humiliated moments the Jewish people had to face before ultimate doom.

Women’s sports are no longer this. Now, a man who fails in men’s sports can just say he is a woman, and suddenly “Bob’s your uncle.” or Aunt he would expect you to say. Women fought long and hard to come up with Title IX which finally passed in 1972, thanks to Republican President Richard M. Nixon. Democrats love to say that President Wilson gave us the right to vote – ignoring the fact that his wife talked him into it, finally. So, we accomplished this in 72 and now, the Women’s Bill of Rights, above, was also initiated by Republicans in the House. Ironic, isn’t it? Where are all the feminists now? With Bob, now in women’s sports, women are losing in every sporting race around the world, to a failed male sportsman.

What would our ancestors say? Can you imagine your grandmother or great-grandmother having to change in a locker room with a male? To me, it just seems so dirty and repulsive. It was for myself when I had to undertake this shame, imposed upon me by “the” Ohio State University. I am a mother, grandmother, great-aunt, aunt, sister, and daughter. I am a woman and I have rights. All women have rights, this is what our ancestors fought for.

OSU not only said they will refuse to create a gender neutral space for this one male, they also said “We can’t force someone to use that restroom.” They can’t force him but they can force all of us to stand naked in front of a male. They also have yet to share with their members, this DEI policy or tell them, at my request, that this has already happened. The majority of our members are seniors. We have a handful of teens, of which he is one of them, and we occasionally have mothers bringing their children in the locker room to use the toilet after a swim class (the children are not supposed to be in there but as mothers, we don’t blink for a little kid who has to pee). A teen who has to leer at women, we do blink at.

My final concern is toward women who have been abused, especially sexual abuse by males. As a mental health professional, who specializes in working with PTSD survivors and writes immigrations evaluations for women (and men) who have faced atrocities around the world, triggered is a big word I teach. Imagine being kidnapped and tortured by a male, you come to the US and there you are in a fitness center, with a male standing in front of you. Imagine you are raped by a male, as a child, and there you are facing a male coming out of a shower in a locker room. These “inclusionary” policies are disrespectful and completely oblivious to the common sense of why this should not happen to women. I am stating the obvious over and over again. Women have a right to privacy in bathrooms and locker rooms. Women have a right to compete with women in sports. Women have a right to serve their punishment in the company of women. Women have a right to their own clubs (i.e., sororities, Girl Scouts of America, etc…). Women have a right to continue cherishing the sacredness of being a woman, with other women. We should not have to state “biological” in order to differentiate. We should not have to beg police, prison guards, universities, primary and secondary schools, school boards, and our local, state, and federal politicians to protect us. It should be a given. It was until something called a “pandemic,” in which the world went absolutely nuts.

Note: In the photo above, the email (handwritten) should be osu.edu not osumc.edu. This is the policy that, as of this writing, no email has been sent to members of our fitness center. Why the secrecy?

Having a Healthy Relationship After a Narcissist

Watch this or read the blog below! Whichever you prefer.

I am a psychotherapist in the Columbus, Ohio area. I have been working with survivors of narcissists for many years and during this time I continue to find new ways to help support the survivor as I learn myself. In my own evolution or increasing self-awareness as a psychology professional and a survivor of narcissism.

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Holiday Family Chaos – Rising Above The Social Media Lies and Distortion

The above quote is the very first line you will read in Anna Karenina. It is the only line I really cherished as I couldn’t fathom the book. I could manage the movie but Russian writers are not my forte.

As we go into the holiday season, don’t focus on what you see on social media, focus on the reality of your own life, on how you can become a better person. I can tell you that so many of the lies you see on social media, I have learned about in my office.  They are not happy families; they show you what they imagine they have. There are some rare circumstances but more and more, it is like finding that rare penny that will make you a millionaire.

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Telehealth Vs. In-Person: Modernization Removing Integrity

As our world moves away from customer service, people’s lives continue to be disrupted more and more with the lies about modernization being “Better” and “More Efficient” for our lives. The pandemic forced people out of business, whether it was a large corporation laying off or a small business who was told that they had to close up shop and stay home – for fears – due to the mass hysteria created by the government. People were then treated to “government paychecks” to stay-at-home, and this created isolation, more fear, depression and anxiety.

This was an opening that created a diversion for what was next. Psychotherapists were now working from their homes and saving on rent for office space. Non-profits, had already been doing this for years, claiming that in-home therapy was conducive to supporting low-income clients by keeping them stuck in their houses, under the guise that we were “treating them in their own environment. In reality, this meant they did NOT get a break from the chaos of drugs/alcohol, abuse, filth, and the crisis of being in the projects or low-income housing.

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Centering Prayer: Intuitive Wisdom in the Aftermath

Oh God, unto whom all hearts lie open. Unto whom desire is eloquent and from whom no secret thing is hidden. Purify the thoughts of my heart by the outpouring of your spirit, that I may love you with a perfect love and praise you as you deserve. Amen

The Cloud of Unknowning

The discomfort you face, will lead to enlightenment. In the moment, when you feel such pain, try to remember this.

It is easy to let the ego win over and turn to anger, find solace in addiction or self-soothing that is going too far vs. taking care of the self. Ego wants to control the suffering but this is only a tease, a way of making you feel as if you are receiving justice. Ego gives you nothing but more pain, more time with the negative energy, more space in the connection with that bad occurrence, person, because you are unwilling to let go. Because you don’t want to let go of whatever you struggle with. Did you realize this? Your pain only lasts because you allow it to last. The minute you focus on letting go and letting God into your life, the pain will subside. You will grow. You will attain enlightenment.

Seven months ago, I began a devoted practice to centering prayer. It can also be called contemplative prayer. I learned about this on Insight Timer. I read the book “The Cloud of Unknowing,” who’s author is unknown. I read the book by Father Thomas Keating, “Open Mind, Open Heart,” which teaches centering prayer and explains what this is all about.

Open my heart, awaken my mind and cleanse my soul

A daily prayer that I offer up before meditation

The devotion to this practice is sitting still for 20 minutes – 2x/day. You are listening for God, you are sitting with God, you are still and silent. What do you hear? Probably nothing. Maybe birds singing, a lawn mower in the distance, people talking on the street, chattering or racing thoughts going through your head. You say a word “Truth,” “Love,” “Justice,” “Intelligence,” “Help,” whatever word you choose to help bring you back into this space when your mind loses the silence. Jon Kabat-Zinn would say, when your mind wanders off a thousand times, bring it back a thousand times.

It does not matter that your mind wanders off, your body is still, you are quiet – in the sense that your body is not moving or doing anything, you are in a place of contemplation. If the thoughts come up, there is something there that God wants you to listen to and do something about.

Twenty minutes, two times a day seems so great to many. How much time do you waste on the computer? You have children but yet you still make time for this. If you are on the computer for 20 minutes or more, you have time for centering prayer. How much do you spend working out? How much time do you spend reading a book, listening to music, cleaning your house, etc… etc… If you have time for all of these things, you can make a space for centering prayer. Your life depends on it.

When you struggle with society, the chaos of the world, the Babylon which we have turned into – a hedonistic community of people who think of nothing but themselves. Fear, anger, torment, trauma, anxiety, frustration, feeling unloved/unwanted, without a consistent faith in some spiritual cleansing practice; you are nothing. You cling to a need for fantasy and self-soothing that will take your mind off of things and give you this delusion that you are happy and content. That your self-centered needs are being met. When we focus on just ourselves and are in denial that life has a timeline and that there is an end and that we have a responsibility to others, as well as ourselves, you get nothing. Maybe a few moments of pleasure but ultimately nothing but pain and emptiness inside.

Devotion to centering prayer gave me a place to go to, when I was in a dark place last year. No matter what, I continued. I made a promise to God that I would never give up, no matter what. In the aftermath, my life began to change. It wasn’t in the twenty minutes, nothing earth shattering has occurred – so far. By this I mean, I have had no conversation – as one might imagine you are seeking. I have had some experiences, but this is not something to explain out loud. I did ask once, for God to show me that He was there, by giving me a sign in meditation. My right arm suddenly became so heavy, I could not lift it. It wasn’t until I said “Thank you,” that it then began to go away. I didn’t say that though for a long time, because feeling it gave me such pleasure. In that moment, I needed to have some tangible experience and He indulged me.

If it weren’t for that dark place that another he, a more troubled soul, who is devoted to himself and his pain – if it weren’t for him pushing my buttons and twisting my heart around and then punching me in the gut (metaphorically), I might not have come to this place. Often, we go to God when we are in peril. I am grateful for the lesson I was given last year. This pain and suffering woke me up. I had been in a deep slumber for forty some years, in reality, my entire life. I had assumed that I had been awake a few other times, when I felt I had finally gotten it. Then another lesson would be put in front of me and I realized I was still asleep. Still following the same path, dissociating in life. If it weren’t for pain, how could we ever reach enlightenment? Not that you search for it, believe me, you will get it one way or another. Now, though, I have asked God to bring my lessons through intuitive wisdom.

And, this is the aftermath of centering prayer. In my awakened life, outside of those twenty minutes, I am speaking positively, openly, affirming, attracting goodness. I have prosperity, balance, love, friendship, abundance, wealth, health, and happiness. Most and more importantly than all of this, I have Intuitive Wisdom. God speaks to me through this wisdom as He is showing me things that I need to see and learn. Sometimes they are painful realizations about my past relationship and sometimes they are insights to share with my clients. Sometimes, I am just sitting still with others and not looking for things to upset me. Sometimes, I am listening to my listening of those around me and guided when to speak and when to not. I have never not felt loved or alone.

I love the Lord who listened to my voice in supplication. Who turned an ear to me on the day I called. Return my soul to your rest, the Lord has been very good to me. For my soul has been freed from death, my eyes from tears, and my feet from stumbling. I shall walk in the presence of the Lord, in the land of the living.

Psalm 116

Walking with the Lord, with my God, my unknowing, my patience and unconditional love and support, is my favorite line of all.

I surrender.

Note: There is an app for centering prayer that you can download and set up. I chose these quotes from the Cloud of Unknowing and Psalm 116 for my featured prayers to begin and end. I created my own individual prayer, which I mentioned here, so that I had my own voice to offer up to God. I do not claim any religion. I follow a solitary spiritual path, based on my study of World Religions, that has encompassed my entire adult life. Prior to that, it began intuitively but not consciously.

Manners, Morals, Faith and Values: A Decline in Current Civilization

I blame my own generation for the current downfall of manners, morals, faith and values. We stopped paying heed to these rituals and rules to continue rebelling and punishing our parents for corporal punishment and other frustrations growing up. However, this decline is seen generation after generation, due to wars which caused society to shift from a state of depression with the loss of sons, brothers and husbands, but also economic changes as well. The decline also has suffered due to relocation of families, who are no longer near grandparents, uncles and aunts. Of course now we have social media, cell phones, texting which all correlate to a decline in the above as well as religious practice or even spiritual beliefs as well. Will we ever go back, I certainly hope so but it is highly unlikely. People get lazy and just as their ancestry or cultural background is watered down from the old country to the grandchild, the same has occurred for manners, morals, faith and values.

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Misinformation & The Death of Personal Responsibility

Once again, I am submitting a reblog from Dr. Rod Hoevet as I think his words are inspiring and raw. It is important to hear the truth in others and to reflect upon this in ourselves.

Dr. Rod Hoevet's avatarRod E. Hoevet, Psy.D.

We are witnessing a tragedy unfolding before our eyes. Seemingly every day, the world is abuzz with the latest controversy, which these days seem to almost invariably be about who is responsible for sharing so-called “misinformation” and who is responsible to moderate it. This is a terrifying trajectory that has no good outcome. 

As of the writing of this article, Joe Rogan – former MMA announcer and immensely popular podcast host – is public enemy number one. Musicians and others are protesting his podcast and its host alleging that he is spreading “misinformation,” specifically about Covid-19. Within the past few weeks, the tragic anniversary of the Capitol riot occurred and the US was abuzz with commentaries and opinions about what happened, why and who was responsible. As one example, this story, heard on NPR on January 5, 2022, included an interview with Craig Silverman from ProPublica and his investigation…

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