What is PTSD? Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a diagnosis in the DSM-5 that is not biological. You are not born with this, nor is it genetic. It happens to someone post-trauma as the diagnosis states. Many people believe they have this and sometimes this is correct. The U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs National Center for PTSD states that 7-8% of the population will have PTSD in their lives. Sixty percent of men and fifty percent of women will experience at least one trauma in their lives, they continue to state. To further clarify in regard to veterans: since Vietnam, between 11-15% of veterans have been diagnosed with PTSD (also stated on the website of the U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs National Center for PTSD).
a woman kissing a mask instead of the man who has turned
What does a narcissist look like? According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual 5 – 0-6% of the population has an actual diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and of this population 75% are male. I am going to tell you the traits of a narcissistic person, not the diagnostic criteria. I don’t want you to get caught up in what the diagnosis is because it doesn’t matter. If you are a therapist reading this, than you will know where to look to find this answer but what really matters is the personality type, not the diagnosis. This is because you are not working with the narcissist but with the survivor. If you are the survivor, you need to focus on YOUR LIFE right now.
What an amazing film to watch, utilizing the young – 27 years old – talents of Peter Lorre (born László Löwenstein) a Hungarian Jew (eventually coming to America). “M” was his second film, so he was just beginning to craft himself into the great actor he would become and you can see it, most especially toward the end in his final scenes. I would like to add, for some people who aren’t aware, that he was posthumously made famous for being a huge part of the song “The Friends of Mr. Cairo,” on the Vangelis soundtrack of the same name. He was an enigma, a unique character actor. A legend.
I love this video as it is important to look at both men and women who are abusers and victims who are both men and women.
In the past year, I have had many men come to see me who are, or have been in relationships with either Narcissists or Borderline women. I am so proud of them for being brave enough to come in and break the stigma that only women are being abused in the world. Emotional Abuse and Financial Abuse are some of the two top behaviors I see with women who are the Narcissists (or Borderlines). I am also beginning to learn about serial affairs from some of these women. There is trauma that occurs to a partner when an affair occurs, whether one or multiple. And, just as a side note, I see trauma to children when either mother or father cheats. It is not PTSD, but it is a type of trauma.
Then, I am seeing men who are either in short term situations with the narcissists or long term. The short term, no shock, is generally with an Instagram influencer type – several men have told me about these quick relationships. The short term Instagram Influencer is more about taking money from the guy, is very shallow, using emotional manipulation to get what they want. This impacts the male ego a little differently than a long term relationship or marriage with a narcissist. With the short term, there will be a discard and she will go on to the next guy. It is a game of chasing or cat/mouse until someone gets bored or the victim begins to have self-realization.
When you are living with and being berated day in and day out by the love of your life, it is going to have long term consequences to the psyche. Having racing thoughts, low feelings of self-worth, no sense of self, blaming, feelings of hopelessness. These are all ways to bring the man down over many years of living with this person. It is not much different than with a female who is being abused.
The serial cheating is taking advantage of the marriage, the male partner; destroying their sexual sense of self. Not to mention putting the partner at risk for STDs, and don’t forget, the woman can get pregnant. It is one thing when the male narcissist is making another woman pregnant and she lives somewhere else. Another when the female narcissist gets pregnant and is living with their victim and bringing another man’s child into the mix. Both are not good family values and destroy trust and the sacredness of the vows that were spoken.
I wanted to shed light on this, as I begin to explore this topic further in my practice. It bears mentioning to give these men a voice and begin to look at the differences and similarities in what I am starting to see between narcissistic women and narcissistic men.
If you would like to be a part of a research study I am conducting on narcissistic abuse survivors, please email me at transformpsych @ outlook.com (spaces created to prevent spam, so don’t use them). I can send you the questionnaire and you can email back after filling out online. Thank you!
Healthy relationships are not blaming you by twisting something that you said around – they take responsibility for their own actions. Healthy Relationships do not punish you with passive aggressive tactics such as not allowing you to attend an event they invited you to or not calling for several days. The key word here is Boundaries and the person you are with respecting these boundaries. If they do, you are in a healthy relationship, if they don’t, you are being blamed and punished.
The above quote is the very first line you will read in Anna Karenina. It is the only line I really cherished as I couldn’t fathom the book. I could manage the movie but Russian writers are not my forte.
As we go into the holiday season, don’t focus on what you see on social media, focus on the reality of your own life, on how you can become a better person. I can tell you that so many of the lies you see on social media, I have learned about in my office. They are not happy families; they show you what they imagine they have. There are some rare circumstances but more and more, it is like finding that rare penny that will make you a millionaire.
If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. The lie can be maintained only for such time as the State can shield the people from the political, economic and/or military consequences of the lie. It thus becomes vitally important for the State to use all of its powers to repress dissent, for the truth is the mortal enemy of the lie, and thus by extension, the truth is the greatest enemy of the State. Adolph Hitler, Mein Kampf
The pathological liar is a covert narcissist, an addict, a psychopath, a sociopath, a gaslighter, or you could say a spin doctor. No matter what you attribute it to, if you are listening to someone who is trying to make you believe something, that you know in your heart to be untrue, this person has prepared their case very well. You may love them, you may have given birth to them, they may be your parent or grandparent, nonetheless, you must trust your soul. Learn from this and grow.
When I first learned about female genital mutilation, it was sometime in the 90’s. I went to an art installation. I later read about it through Planned Parenthood’s international newsletter. I saw terrible photos of little girls in kitchens with a person wielding some sort of machete, I think it was. Those images disturbed me to no end. Children should have rights. The rights of their parents to protect and safeguard their well-being. They should be listened to and respected, but the parents should be the adults, who teach right from wrong. Parents should be teaching values, educating the child, providing them with their basic needs.
In this episode we look at the meaning of rituals in varying areas of our lives. This includes rituals that can have deep meaning as well as routine that plays a practical and anchoring role in our lives. We look at rituals that we deliberately intend and ones that we seemingly bring about with little thought or preparation. Join us for a rich discussion and come away with a deeper appreciation of your experiences in life.
To learn more about the presenters:
Ellen Seigel, LISW-S
To work with Ellen as a Transformational Life Coach contact her: ellen@BeHappyNoMatterWhat.com or call 614-389-5795 To receive enlightening Contemplative Thoughts daily and receive a chapter download from her book Be Happy No Matter What – 5 Steps to Inner Freedom, visit http://behappynomaterwhat.com
Jeannine Vegh, IMFT at Transformative Psychotherapy, LLC
Disclaimer: As we are two humble therapists, all discussion you see between us in the video/podcast is based on our training and education, therapeutic work in our practices, and thoughtful opinions formed over our years. We are not the last word in this discussion, and we commit to providing ongoing resources beyond ourselves to enlarge your understanding of this complex subject. Thank you for viewing and we hope this will be helpful as you move forward on your journey.
A wonderful conversation with Evelyn about her 55 year relationship with her husband and what makes it work. The second in my series on Staying True to the Self in a Healthy Relationship.
A Frequent Blog of Devotionals Inspired by A Course in Miracles, A Course of Love, The Way of Mastery, Choose Only Love--Plus More . . . with Celia Hales - https://www.amazon.com/author/celiahales
Jeannine Vegh 