Tag Archives: Family

Thank you Mr. Dahlman for that Life Changing Moment

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You wouldn’t think that writing a paper on religious cults would lead someone to a lifelong spiritual journey. If you didn’t grow up in Ohio or another Mid-west state, in a very isolated and controlled lifestyle, you really wouldn’t make that connection. This is how it happened for me and this is my gratitude to one teacher, for spurring on this moment in a little farm town called Pataskala.

Mr. Marty Dahlman was the P.O.D. teacher (Problems of Democracy) at Watkins Memorial High School. He went on to other things, such as a track coach, vice-principal or principle, I forget which. Once I left Ohio, I didn’t return until 2010, when I began catching up after this long absence at high school reunions. He is now retired from Watkins and writes a blogpost, called Our America – Essays on Politics and American Life.

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The Uncomfortable Comfortableness

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My ebook is finally here and I can’t wait for you to read it and provide a review to help others who are struggling with this topic. You can find the book at Books2Read through a variety of your favorite ebook publishers. Today is the first day, so if you don’t see your favorite publisher yet, it may be there tomorrow. Hoopla will take a couple of weeks so please be patient!

Uncomfortable Comfortableness is an easy read-in-one-day, with six wonderful homework assignments to keep you thinking. I have been working on this for many months at the same time preparing workshops on this very same topic. It finally occurred to me, I needed something quick and easy. A book that gets right to the point. Another therapist came up with a similar concept – quick and easy for couples. I told her to publish it and then I thought – why don’t I do this for survivors? Well, here it is, just in time for Christmas/Hannukah/Winter Solstice or whatever holiday you might celebrate at this time of the year.

Thank you for shopping and again, leave a review if you don’t mind, so others might consider picking up a copy for themselves.

Emotionally Immature Parents

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The key point of whether they are or not is how they respond to you when you express concerns about something they have said or done. Do they get defensive and turn it around to be about themselves or do they say to you “What did I say” or “Tell me what I did to hurt you.” This book “Adult Children or Emotionally Immature Parents,” By Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson, is one of my client favorites who are still feeling wounded or continue to be wounded by parents they were raised by. They turn to this book to seek answers as an adjunct to therapy.

A few days ago, I put a video on here with Dr. Ramani talking about whether it is a Narcissist or an Emotionally Immature parent.

It is important to educate yourself about whatever you are experiencing from a parent or partner, and this knowledge should come from professionals, not from bloggers who are not qualified to explain these topics to you. Otherwise, listening to a “survivor turned expert,” could possibly trigger you, as they are luring you in with dramatic posts. Whereas an expert is going to share information with you and talk to you about how to work through this experience or where to get help on this topic.

Margaret Sanger – Yes, History is Not Comfortable – Respect the Reasons

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Image courtesy of Library of Congress Catalog/Wikimedia Commons

Margaret Sanger’s history is coming up for slaughter in a new documentary put together by the “right.” Even Planned Parenthood is running scared and trying to step away from their founding mother rather than taking a stand for history and the person who created their organization. You cannot erase the past and it is important to respect the reasons people had for their beliefs, as this was a different time and in fact a desperate time for women.

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Who is Telling the Truth? – The Narcissist Always Wins

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As a psychotherapist, I am dumbfounded by the stories I always hear in my room. It is the family law stories that get me every time. The client, no matter whether it is male or female, the survivor of the narcissist, is always the one who loses when there is a narcissistic spouse involved. Here in Ohio, it is a “woman’s only state,” but I can tell you this is NOT true when there is a narcissist. I’d like to even say only with children, but I have had women who had money (not lots, but more then him) who have had to fight him trying to take their money, when they were only married a few years. I have had men who were up against a woman (with no children together) and had to fight her lies and manipulation in court – not for money – but for power. Why is it that nothing is being done about this? Why is it the court’s always believe them? Why are they not trying to create change, or to have a conscience?

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My Parent is a Narcissist, I Just Found Out – Now What?

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Image from a Spanish Movie “The Red Virgin,” based on a true story about a mother/daughter.

Recently, my client began to become aware of her mother and father both being what she would presume to be a narcissist. I had know they were showing symptoms of this all along, but she wasn’t ready yet and I am not going to push someone. The awareness was like “coming out of the closet,” excitement/honeymoon stage of “Aha, I finally have some answers.” Now, we are at the “Now what stage” and not feeling so excited. “How do I hang out with them? I like some things about them and don’t want to abandon them but at the same time, how do I deal with this” (paraphrased). This is the question I am asked so often. And, now I will give you some thoughts on this.

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Growing Up in a Healthy Household – What it Must be Like

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Personally, I can only imagine as I did not grow up in one nor was I allowed to raise my own. However, I am reading a political book right now, about a very famous/infamous (depending on who would hear the name) woman and her hidden subtitle might be “Growing Up in a Healthy Household.” I am withholding her name because I want to focus on my intent here. Her book is a very controversial but factual storyline about a life changing event in our country. Her father is a previous Vice-President and the two of them wrote a book together. Her mother has written several books, one of which she brought up in this book – that I will be reading next. As she writes about her family, brought up for various reasons, it is to share different things within the context of her book. For me, it kept hitting home, what it must be like to have two healthy parents.

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Parental Narcissism

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Me and my pal in the hat, Middle School

Growing up with a narcissistic parent, you make do. You try to follow the rules, deal with the lack of boundaries, cry a lot – even though your told not to, become a scapegoat when you are the oldest (often but not always), get yelled at, compared to, and told things like “Why can’t you be more like…” When I looked back at my “diary” in a little pink book from this middle school time period, I never said a word about physical abuse or emotional abuse and certainly nothing about narcissism. How did I know? I complained about not being allowed to do something or what a day I had had or whether I was going to my friends house to hang out. You would never know from the outside looking in and you would not know from the inside looking out. You are a kid with no psychological training.

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Attachment Styles: A Basic Overview

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I think Brianna’s videos are very useful in understanding Attachment. The narcissists “attachment” to parents/caregivers, early on initiates the coping mechanism that they will create in their life – which we will come to understand as they age into adulthood. I invite you to subscribe to her channel so you can learn more.

Disclaimer: Learning about attachment theory is not a “diagnosis,” and it is not like your astrological sign. For example, you wouldn’t say to someone “What is your attachment style?” Not a lot of people follow psychology videos and you don’t want to try your hat at pop-psychology on a date. Instead, I show you this merely for self-awareness so that you can discover more about yourself and to understand perhaps more about your partner.

Relationships, Communication and Not Giving Up

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Healthy = Turning Toward vs. Toxic = Turning Away

A relationship is hard work but when two people are committed to each other equally then you have a better chance of surviving the long haul. Notice I said equally. If you are in a narcissistic relationship, you are probably the one making the choice to stay and are committed to the relationship yourself. The narcissist is committed but not making a “choice,” it is just a decision, nor are they working hard to make things work. Generally they might say “I am not the one with the problem, you are.” Ouch! That bites. This is a very arrogant statement too. Relationship is about two people not one. If one is hurting, the other should be concerned about this.

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