I knew a man who did not know how to love a woman.
He could not love himself.
He was filled with anger and hatred for a girl in his past.He determined this was her fault.
Then he decided it was me he was angry with, because of her.He forgot that he loved me, or did I only imagine that he had?
He was unable to empathize with others in pain.He would not allow himself to feel.
I loved and adored this man and gave him all that I had to give.He never saw this because he could not believe this.
I thought that his praises and rewards and adoration were acceptance.He was patronizing and biding his time.
I assumed that his smile and willingness and gifts were acknowledgement.He was the good guy, and I was filling a gap.
In the end he could not say goodbye. He was unable to just walk away.He had to find a way to make me wrong. This made it easier on him.
For so long, I searched for answers as I sat in denial.I wanted to believe he would return. I wanted to believe I was wrong.
The thought of never seeing, touching, or being held by him was more than I could bare.If this were true than the whole time was no more than a mirage.
I would be laughed at for being such a fool and the humiliation was more than I could take.Deceit is a game I do not play and yet he had no qualms about playing me.
All alone I sat in wait, month by month, hoping and praying.In darkness, I saw a shadow of light, as time went on, it became brighter.
God held my hand as I returned to walk beside him once more.If I should falter, He stood me back up.
Once more I walked my path alone, though this time reassured.My devotion and faith – now consistent and clear.
He will lead us together, and I will find, the person I thought that I already had.
Jeannine Vegh, 2021
Jeannine Vegh 