The female (and male that we have not read about) survivors of the Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell human trafficking scandal want justice. Yet, recently on Linkedin, Nicole Huff, LCSW, posted a list of appropriate terms that should be used in court, instead of the terms perceived to be used shown below. The terms in italics are presumably what will be seen in court and in the media and what is next to these terms are the appropriate terms.
This is an amazing video, listening to the renowned therapist, Marsha Linehan speak on Radical Acceptance. I am reminded of Dr. Wayne Dyer’s quote “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
Think about being in a relationship with a narcissist. You can’t change them. If you focus on accepting this, you can begin to heal from the trauma you are suffering from. For example: In a courtroom, don’t be surprised at his/her actions. If you radically accept he/she will not change, you can think more clearly about how you respond to the situation. In a home environment, to survive the moment if you are planning to stay, realize who this person is, accept who they are and look at how you can live YOUR life as a result. How can you cope in this environment? In other words, how can you take care of your mind, body, spirit, knowing that this person is not going to join you, accept your thinking, or agree with you?
Many people from my generation saw “Last Tango in Paris,” a 1972 French American collaboration with Maria Schneider and Marlon Brando. It was considered pornographic by some, those who were not used to art films and so it was very controversial and critically discussed. Until watching the new French/Italian/American collaboration film “Being Maria” this past weekend (2025), starring Anamaria Vartolomei, I had no idea what she dealt with as an actress.
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As a psychotherapist, I am dumbfounded by the stories I always hear in my room. It is the family law stories that get me every time. The client, no matter whether it is male or female, the survivor of the narcissist, is always the one who loses when there is a narcissistic spouse involved. Here in Ohio, it is a “woman’s only state,” but I can tell you this is NOT true when there is a narcissist. I’d like to even say only with children, but I have had women who had money (not lots, but more then him) who have had to fight him trying to take their money, when they were only married a few years. I have had men who were up against a woman (with no children together) and had to fight her lies and manipulation in court – not for money – but for power. Why is it that nothing is being done about this? Why is it the court’s always believe them? Why are they not trying to create change, or to have a conscience?
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Recently, my client began to become aware of her mother and father both being what she would presume to be a narcissist. I had know they were showing symptoms of this all along, but she wasn’t ready yet and I am not going to push someone. The awareness was like “coming out of the closet,” excitement/honeymoon stage of “Aha, I finally have some answers.” Now, we are at the “Now what stage” and not feeling so excited. “How do I hang out with them? I like some things about them and don’t want to abandon them but at the same time, how do I deal with this” (paraphrased). This is the question I am asked so often. And, now I will give you some thoughts on this.
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Personally, I can only imagine as I did not grow up in one nor was I allowed to raise my own. However, I am reading a political book right now, about a very famous/infamous (depending on who would hear the name) woman and her hidden subtitle might be “Growing Up in a Healthy Household.” I am withholding her name because I want to focus on my intent here. Her book is a very controversial but factual storyline about a life changing event in our country. Her father is a previous Vice-President and the two of them wrote a book together. Her mother has written several books, one of which she brought up in this book – that I will be reading next. As she writes about her family, brought up for various reasons, it is to share different things within the context of her book. For me, it kept hitting home, what it must be like to have two healthy parents.
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Growing up with a narcissistic parent, you make do. You try to follow the rules, deal with the lack of boundaries, cry a lot – even though your told not to, become a scapegoat when you are the oldest (often but not always), get yelled at, compared to, and told things like “Why can’t you be more like…” When I looked back at my “diary” in a little pink book from this middle school time period, I never said a word about physical abuse or emotional abuse and certainly nothing about narcissism. How did I know? I complained about not being allowed to do something or what a day I had had or whether I was going to my friends house to hang out. You would never know from the outside looking in and you would not know from the inside looking out. You are a kid with no psychological training.
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Trauma Bond comes from going down that path of being love bombed. Trauma can come from being frightened or manipulated or gaslighted or abuse (sexual, emotional, physical, mental) or witnessing.
Healing is about surviving the trauma. It is about standing up for yourself. About having personal integrity or agency. It is about having an awakening and realizing you have to look out for yourself.
The secondary title of this Irish film set in 1974 which is meant to be about Irish history should be “There is an African in the Pub.” He has absolutely NO relevance whatsoever to this film, which I am calling a pseudo historical fiction. Yet, the filmmakers had to stick him in and had to have Liam Neeson’s character Finbar, babysit him throughout, because it is important to them to bypass the real reason we are watching this film – to focus on a part of Irish history.
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