This 2023 film is not at all what you think it is about. You won’t find out until the very end, why she is going through that door and then the whole movie is a question of “What the F?” This is not a Fellini type film – but it does have weird scenes. I felt it was more like Roberto Benigni’s film “Life is Beautiful.” Making a joke at the macabre. It is not set up as a mystery, but it is when you see the ending and think back at the whole story. It is like a schizophrenic journey. Didn’t this happen? Didn’t we see the set up for all of this conclusion?
This week has been a difficult and challenging week for me. I had to trust someone, an attorney, who luckily was able to help me get through one challenge. On another situation, an organization I belong to, decided to strip away my trust by changing their bylaws and not informing their members. I found out by reading about it in the Daily Wire. My local branch had changed their by-laws last year, I voted “No,” because it smelled fishy to me. The chapter regent beat around the bush when I declared my concerns to her after the meeting. She “would get back to me on it, after talking to some people higher up.” She never did. I resigned from the organization this past weekend, after reading this article and knowing that it was correct.
Who was Aurora Rodríguez Carballeira and what made her become the obsessed narcissistic mother of Hildegart? So little is known about this woman but much is known about Hildegart because of her writings. She was conceived sometime in 1914 and born at the end of the year on December 9th in Ferrol, Spain. She died 18 years later at the hands of her mother’s gun. In the meantime, she was the protégé of her mother, who held her emotionally and sometimes physically captive in their home where she was under the “protection” of her mother. We only have the Spanish movie “The Red Virgin,” to give us a glimpse of what the screenplay writer wants us to know and understand.
I love this video as it is important to look at both men and women who are abusers and victims who are both men and women.
In the past year, I have had many men come to see me who are, or have been in relationships with either Narcissists or Borderline women. I am so proud of them for being brave enough to come in and break the stigma that only women are being abused in the world. Emotional Abuse and Financial Abuse are some of the two top behaviors I see with women who are the Narcissists (or Borderlines). I am also beginning to learn about serial affairs from some of these women. There is trauma that occurs to a partner when an affair occurs, whether one or multiple. And, just as a side note, I see trauma to children when either mother or father cheats. It is not PTSD, but it is a type of trauma.
Then, I am seeing men who are either in short term situations with the narcissists or long term. The short term, no shock, is generally with an Instagram influencer type – several men have told me about these quick relationships. The short term Instagram Influencer is more about taking money from the guy, is very shallow, using emotional manipulation to get what they want. This impacts the male ego a little differently than a long term relationship or marriage with a narcissist. With the short term, there will be a discard and she will go on to the next guy. It is a game of chasing or cat/mouse until someone gets bored or the victim begins to have self-realization.
When you are living with and being berated day in and day out by the love of your life, it is going to have long term consequences to the psyche. Having racing thoughts, low feelings of self-worth, no sense of self, blaming, feelings of hopelessness. These are all ways to bring the man down over many years of living with this person. It is not much different than with a female who is being abused.
The serial cheating is taking advantage of the marriage, the male partner; destroying their sexual sense of self. Not to mention putting the partner at risk for STDs, and don’t forget, the woman can get pregnant. It is one thing when the male narcissist is making another woman pregnant and she lives somewhere else. Another when the female narcissist gets pregnant and is living with their victim and bringing another man’s child into the mix. Both are not good family values and destroy trust and the sacredness of the vows that were spoken.
I wanted to shed light on this, as I begin to explore this topic further in my practice. It bears mentioning to give these men a voice and begin to look at the differences and similarities in what I am starting to see between narcissistic women and narcissistic men.
If you would like to be a part of a research study I am conducting on narcissistic abuse survivors, please email me at transformpsych @ outlook.com (spaces created to prevent spam, so don’t use them). I can send you the questionnaire and you can email back after filling out online. Thank you!
Yes, there are male survivors of narcissistic women and I am beginning to see them come to my office more and more these days. While the DSM -5 states that 50-75% of narcissists are men, that leaves those 25-50% who are women. And, think of the books written to address daughters of Narcissistic Mothers – they had to have fathers too.
A relationship does not need to be divided as a result of conflict. If both parties are committed to one another and believe they are on a team – and operate as a team, both will grow with conflict. The reason so many couples are divided is that trust has been broken and they are in a two party household.
If only one partner is talking and requesting support but the other is not listening – stonewalling, or criticizing, being contemptuous or defending themself, the talker will feel bitter over time. They will feel emotionally exhausted. “I have tried explaining, but he/she doesn’t listen.” They might say. When they come into my office, the “listener” becomes very defensive, “yes I did.” I know they didn’t otherwise they wouldn’t be there.
Patience is a Virtue, but don’t sit around and wait, patiently for him to return.
Love, Sweet Passionate Love. An energy, not an emotion, words my professor spoke to me or us in class back in the late 90’s at Antioch University Santa Barbara. I had struggled until recently to begin to understand what this really might mean. We want to believe that love is based on emotions. This is what society tells us. That it is about sex, fulfilment, desires, needs being met, romance. And yet, every love story comes with a tale of how the two met. It is not a linear photograph. Remembering fondly, “When Harry Met Sally.” These two young adults met right in college; I believe they were driving somewhere together. Over the years, the two of them had a friendship, with husband/wife, break-ups, illness, and they still carried this bond, this fondness. It wasn’t until the very end of the movie that we see this, now older couple getting together, probably in their 30’s.
Social media has forced society into new ways of living their lives. When I grew up, people stopped by to visit, we asked them to stay for coffee and dessert or even dinner. We were good hosts. We had conversations. Sometimes these turned into debates in a Hungarian household (and I assume any European one would be the same). It wasn’t fueled with hatred or venom, just trying to understand each other in a loud voice with arms swinging while they spoke. This was healthy because people were in discussion. The walk to the door started and ended with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Now, instead of visiting each other and having conversations, we are stuck with posting, replies, ghosting and gaslighting. This has become normal that no one even bats an eye anymore when they hear about this. Offenders feel entitled to ghost or gaslight because they read an article about it. Anger has ensued as a result of this. Kids are committing suicide, people are being killed and its all in a day’s cycle of venting their hostility, their fears, their pain, their inability to have a conversation with someone.
Last night I went on Youtube to look for something interesting and different to watch. I had no idea I could actually watch an entire film without advertising, while not being a payer. I clicked on the link thinking it was a critic engaging in a discussion of the film and ended up watching this wonderful storyline.
The film stars Merle Oberon who was a British-Asian actress (her Asian heritage was a secret to the audience in that time period). This was my first time to see her in a movie other than Wuthering Heights. In Temptation, a woman named Ruby is looking to strengthen her financial picture, and goes after an Egyptologist, Nigel. She shares her secret ambitions with her doctor, assuming that he must keep this secret. She assumes he does. Her marriage takes her to Egypt, and she leads a very boring life until she meets Mahmoud Baroudi. This is when the trauma bond begins.
Isabelle Huppert is being interviewed by an Arabic man by the name of Husam Sam Asi. This is in English but it has Arabic subtitles. I was not impressed with his questions but I was taken by Isabelle’s ability to handle these questions. She is not trying to please him or anyone. She is simply being herself and not being taken in by the political correctness. He on the other hand, looks upset and frustrated that she is not agreeing with him. I found her responses to be ruthless and yet noble, diplomatic and sophisticated.
The questions meet an American audiences whims, so they will be attractive to Americans. However, this interview clearly shows that Europeans are much more mature.
A Frequent Blog of Devotionals Inspired by A Course in Miracles, A Course of Love, The Way of Mastery, Choose Only Love--Plus More . . . with Celia Hales - https://www.amazon.com/author/celiahales
Jeannine Vegh 