What is PTSD?

What is PTSD? Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a diagnosis in the DSM-5 that is not biological. You are not born with this, nor is it genetic. It happens to someone post-trauma as the diagnosis states. Many people believe they have this and sometimes this is correct. The U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs National Center for PTSD states that 7-8% of the population will have PTSD in their lives. Sixty percent of men and fifty percent of women will experience at least one trauma in their lives, they continue to state. To further clarify in regard to veterans: since Vietnam, between 11-15% of veterans have been diagnosed with PTSD (also stated on the website of the U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs National Center for PTSD).

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Survivors of Narcissist – Differences Between Men and Women

Yes, there are male survivors of narcissistic women and I am beginning to see them come to my office more and more these days. While the DSM -5 states that 50-75% of narcissists are men, that leaves those 25-50% who are women. And, think of the books written to address daughters of Narcissistic Mothers – they had to have fathers too.

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Conflict In Relationships: Having a Healthy Dialogue


A relationship does not need to be divided as a result of conflict. If both parties are committed to one another and believe they are on a team – and operate as a team, both will grow with conflict. The reason so many couples are divided is that trust has been broken and they are in a two party household.

If only one partner is talking and requesting support but the other is not listening – stonewalling, or criticizing, being contemptuous or defending themself, the talker will feel bitter over time. They will feel emotionally exhausted. “I have tried explaining, but he/she doesn’t listen.” They might say. When they come into my office, the “listener” becomes very defensive, “yes I did.” I know they didn’t otherwise they wouldn’t be there.

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Our Soul’s Mate

Patience is a Virtue, but don’t sit around and wait, patiently for him to return.           

Love, Sweet Passionate Love. An energy, not an emotion, words my professor spoke to me or us in class back in the late 90’s at Antioch University Santa Barbara. I had struggled until recently to begin to understand what this really might mean. We want to believe that love is based on emotions. This is what society tells us.  That it is about sex, fulfilment, desires, needs being met, romance. And yet, every love story comes with a tale of how the two met. It is not a linear photograph. Remembering fondly, “When Harry Met Sally.” These two young adults met right in college; I believe they were driving somewhere together. Over the years, the two of them had a friendship, with husband/wife, break-ups, illness, and they still carried this bond, this fondness. It wasn’t until the very end of the movie that we see this, now older couple getting together, probably in their 30’s.

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Conversations: A Way to Open Doors

Social media has forced society into new ways of living their lives. When I grew up, people stopped by to visit, we asked them to stay for coffee and dessert or even dinner. We were good hosts. We had conversations. Sometimes these turned into debates in a Hungarian household (and I assume any European one would be the same). It wasn’t fueled with hatred or venom, just trying to understand each other in a loud voice with arms swinging while they spoke. This was healthy because people were in discussion. The walk to the door started and ended with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Now, instead of visiting each other and having conversations, we are stuck with posting, replies, ghosting and gaslighting. This has become normal that no one even bats an eye anymore when they hear about this. Offenders feel entitled to ghost or gaslight because they read an article about it. Anger has ensued as a result of this. Kids are committing suicide, people are being killed and its all in a day’s cycle of venting their hostility, their fears, their pain, their inability to have a conversation with someone.

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Temptation (1946 film) – The Trauma Bond Experience

Last night I went on Youtube to look for something interesting and different to watch. I had no idea I could actually watch an entire film without advertising, while not being a payer. I clicked on the link thinking it was a critic engaging in a discussion of the film and ended up watching this wonderful storyline.

The film stars Merle Oberon who was a British-Asian actress (her Asian heritage was a secret to the audience in that time period). This was my first time to see her in a movie other than Wuthering Heights. In Temptation, a woman named Ruby is looking to strengthen her financial picture, and goes after an Egyptologist, Nigel. She shares her secret ambitions with her doctor, assuming that he must keep this secret. She assumes he does. Her marriage takes her to Egypt, and she leads a very boring life until she meets Mahmoud Baroudi. This is when the trauma bond begins.

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Healthy Relationships Don’t Have Blaming or Punishment

Healthy relationships are not blaming you by twisting something that you said around – they take responsibility for their own actions. Healthy Relationships do not punish you with passive aggressive tactics such as not allowing you to attend an event they invited you to or not calling for several days. The key word here is Boundaries and the person you are with respecting these boundaries. If they do, you are in a healthy relationship, if they don’t, you are being blamed and punished.

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Romantic Delusion – Dissociation hit by Cupid’s Arrow

Imagine you are on a second or third date with a very handsome man. There is something that draws you into his face. His smile, his eyes, his generosity, his warmth. You find yourself lapping up everything he has to say. Then you come home and you talk to your friends about how it went. What did he say? You can tell them where he works, how old he is, what he looks like, even how many siblings he has. When it comes to answering questions about his previous relationship, what he wants for the future, any tensions he might have brought up with family or friends, or anything at all of substance that may have seemed to be a conversation that triggered you in some way – you draw a blank.

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A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing – The Covert Narcissist

“The mind in conflict with itself is dangerous to itself, and of course, by extension, to everyone else in all dimensions.  Therefore, indeed, beloved friends, beware of those that come in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves.  Beware of the viciousness of the ego within your own mind.”  (“The Way of Transformation,” The Way of Mastery, Lesson 22, Page 266)

Ah, those sheep. They are so handsome, so sexy, or even when they are not, there is something about their character that draws you in like Little Red Riding Hood thinking it is Grandma. In psychotherapy, we talk about countertransference and transference issues. This is when a characteristic of the other person, makes us think of someone else and we transfer those thoughts onto that person. For example, Little Red Riding Hood is so focused on her ego telling her “This is Grandma’s house, so the person answering the door MUST be Grandma.” Her gut feelings told her that she had “Big Eyes,” today and “Big Ears,” and “Big Hands,” but little red’s ego kept insuring her, in compliance with the wolf, that he was in fact her Grandma.

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Having a Healthy Relationship After a Narcissist

Watch this or read the blog below! Whichever you prefer.

I am a psychotherapist in the Columbus, Ohio area. I have been working with survivors of narcissists for many years and during this time I continue to find new ways to help support the survivor as I learn myself. In my own evolution or increasing self-awareness as a psychology professional and a survivor of narcissism.

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