Category Archives: Happiness, Healing, Growth

Thank you Mr. Dahlman for that Life Changing Moment

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You wouldn’t think that writing a paper on religious cults would lead someone to a lifelong spiritual journey. If you didn’t grow up in Ohio or another Mid-west state, in a very isolated and controlled lifestyle, you really wouldn’t make that connection. This is how it happened for me and this is my gratitude to one teacher, for spurring on this moment in a little farm town called Pataskala.

Mr. Marty Dahlman was the P.O.D. teacher (Problems of Democracy) at Watkins Memorial High School. He went on to other things, such as a track coach, vice-principal or principle, I forget which. Once I left Ohio, I didn’t return until 2010, when I began catching up after this long absence at high school reunions. He is now retired from Watkins and writes a blogpost, called Our America – Essays on Politics and American Life.

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Soul Collage Workshop in Columbus, Ohio

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This is a wonderful workshop that I will be co-presenting with MJ Abell who is a Soul Collage Facilitator. There will be materials available to make the cards – which you will take with you, light refreshments and camaraderie with like minded people. If you live in Columbus, I hope to see you there.

Q. Is this in-person? yes

Q. Do I need to be creative or artistic? no, this is not an art class, it is a creative workshop and you will guided to choosing the pictures that are right for you.

Q. Is this therapy? no, it is not group therapy it is a soul collage workshop and I am there only to briefly discuss narcissism, answer your questions and support you in your process.

Q. Do I have to be a survivor or what does this mean? The workshop will encompass people who are victims (still in the relationship), trauma bond (out but hoping to get back in) and survivors (those who are out and no they won’t go back but still want to work on this issue).

Q. What is soul collage? https://soulcollage.com/

Any other questions, please feel free to contact me at transformpsych@outlook.com

Dreams: God’s Forgotten Language – An Old Book With a Timeless Message

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Ever since I was a young girl, I reflected on the meaning of God, on spirituality, on life. I tried following the church – as I was expected, but continued to fall short on what I wanted. Answers. I received regurgitated phrases that shed no sense of enlightenment which I sought. In confirmation I was taught how women are punished for Eve’s sin…Why, I had nothing to do with this – I thought. I was told “Because the Bible says so.” Which was exactly how my questions – any of them – were answered at home (with the word Bible exchanged for the word I). Nonetheless, I did not give up hope and continued to search. This began a lifelong journey; reading, workshops, college/grad school, spiritual teachers, all designed to awaken me into the person I am today. Not to mention my own life lessons.

Not one of us has so much faith that we have no doubts; not one of us has such purity that we have no darkness. Within every human attribute there hides somewhere its opposite. (p.18)

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Healing from Trauma

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Found on Linkedin

It can be difficult to “let go” and begin to forgive yourself and the people around you that have brought harm to you. Forgiving as in “Radical Acceptance” not that you agree with what happened or okay with it.

I also find that when clients don’t want to do work on themselves – to heal from trauma – it is because the walls they have put up are protecting them. If they take them down, they might be seen as weak or unable to protect themselves from danger.

Fortunately, I find that when I work with people who have faced trauma and they bravely commit themselves to healing from this experience, they are actually much stronger people. Naturally, they have to trust me, the therapist and the process. When they do, they end up having much happier lives and are of course much stronger as well.

The trauma has to be over though, and this means ending the relationship with the narcissistic relationship. This is sometimes difficult to do when you are going through a divorce – and dealing with the perpetrator and the court the perp has manipulated. It also can be hard if this is your family. And yet, it can still happen that you will find peace of mind at the end of the day, by the choices you make, the boundaries you set and staying true to yourself.

Radical Acceptance – A Way Forward

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This is an amazing video, listening to the renowned therapist, Marsha Linehan speak on Radical Acceptance. I am reminded of Dr. Wayne Dyer’s quote “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

Think about being in a relationship with a narcissist. You can’t change them. If you focus on accepting this, you can begin to heal from the trauma you are suffering from. For example: In a courtroom, don’t be surprised at his/her actions. If you radically accept he/she will not change, you can think more clearly about how you respond to the situation. In a home environment, to survive the moment if you are planning to stay, realize who this person is, accept who they are and look at how you can live YOUR life as a result. How can you cope in this environment? In other words, how can you take care of your mind, body, spirit, knowing that this person is not going to join you, accept your thinking, or agree with you?

Trauma and Healing

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Guiding a Healing Revolution with Natalia Rachel – found on LinkedIn

Trauma Bond comes from going down that path of being love bombed. Trauma can come from being frightened or manipulated or gaslighted or abuse (sexual, emotional, physical, mental) or witnessing.

Healing is about surviving the trauma. It is about standing up for yourself. About having personal integrity or agency. It is about having an awakening and realizing you have to look out for yourself.

This is a phrase I read in my World Religions class and have never forgotten it.

Attachment Styles: A Basic Overview

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I think Brianna’s videos are very useful in understanding Attachment. The narcissists “attachment” to parents/caregivers, early on initiates the coping mechanism that they will create in their life – which we will come to understand as they age into adulthood. I invite you to subscribe to her channel so you can learn more.

Disclaimer: Learning about attachment theory is not a “diagnosis,” and it is not like your astrological sign. For example, you wouldn’t say to someone “What is your attachment style?” Not a lot of people follow psychology videos and you don’t want to try your hat at pop-psychology on a date. Instead, I show you this merely for self-awareness so that you can discover more about yourself and to understand perhaps more about your partner.

When You Say Yes, but Need to Say No – Psychology Today, Susanne Babbel MFT, Ph.D.

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An article I found from a fellow alumnus at John F. Kennedy University. Learning to listen to your body or your gut feelings. These hints often happen during the romantic delusion I have spoken about here on this website. Susanne has great points below and within this wonderful article, that you can click on to read further. The burnouts, she mentions, can be translated to cognitive dissonance while surviving a narcissist. Years (or even months) of excusing the narcissists behavior, losing your sense of self to the point where you don’t know who you are anymore – burnout. She talks about beginning to feel relief when you are setting boundaries, going into therapy and taking care of yourself – with a narcissist – when you leave the relationship or are able to find someway to survive in the relationship. Some partners feel they have no choice but to stay, and therein lies the dilemma of creating a way to keep your sanity by taking your power back. Click on the article below to read in its entirety and feel free to comment on your thoughts.

When You Say Yes but Need to Say No | Psychology Today

Key Points found within the article above.

  • Burnout may signal self-abandonment. Saying yes when you need to say no disconnects you from your true self.
  • Symptoms like tension, guilt, and loss of joy are signs you might be overriding your limits.
  • Setting boundaries protects your energy and helps you reconnect with your body, feelings, and values.

PTSD Awareness Month

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Approximately 12 million people in the U.S. are living with PTSD, according to the most recent estimates from the Veterans Administration. While effective treatments exist, too many still aren’t getting the help they need and many individuals remain unaware or unsure about seeking care. 

This month, help us spread the word: PTSD is treatable, and recovery is possible .Whether someone is a veteran or a civilian affected by traumatic events, evidence-based therapies can make a real difference and can lead to a better quality of life.
(This above quote came from Star Behavioral Health a provider service and training center for psychotherapists who work with the military).
Photo taken from: https://www.northsegment.com/ptsd-awareness-month-the-rewarding-journey-of-healing-a-wounded-soul/

There are different types of treatment for PTSD. Some examples are Cognitive Processing Therapy, EMDR, and Prolonged Exposure. As a trained therapist in CPT for PTSD, I can personally attest to symptoms decreasing and clients having a better quality of life from this treatment. I actually log the scores, of all the cases I have worked with, on a spreadsheet and calculate the averages for each of the 12 sessions. For example: I currently show an average starting score, in session one as 54.8 and by session 12, the average final score is 13.35. The score needed to begin treatment is 30 for military and 35 for civilians on the PCL-5 (which is the test given for PTSD). In CPT, we give this test weekly to show evidence of symptoms.

What is important with any treatment is that you are ready to begin and committed to not backing out. Knowing it is going to a be a tough road ahead, but willing to do what it takes to heal from the trauma. If you have a desire to not live with this pain and not stay focused on medications solely, you can survive this – with treatment. Holistic treatment, or an alternative to medications.

Ego Vs. Intuition

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Ellen Seigel and I made this video in 2022 from the comfort of our homes. It is a topic that we both enjoy discussing and feel it is important to hear the difference, so that our audiences can differentiate and begin to grow from. I hope you will too. Below is a favorite quote from Carl Jung.

When you are ready, the right therapist will be able to take you to the other side. From darkness to light, from unhealthy to healthy, from pain to clarity.