Tag Archives: parents

Emotionally Immature Parents

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The key point of whether they are or not is how they respond to you when you express concerns about something they have said or done. Do they get defensive and turn it around to be about themselves or do they say to you “What did I say” or “Tell me what I did to hurt you.” This book “Adult Children or Emotionally Immature Parents,” By Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson, is one of my client favorites who are still feeling wounded or continue to be wounded by parents they were raised by. They turn to this book to seek answers as an adjunct to therapy.

A few days ago, I put a video on here with Dr. Ramani talking about whether it is a Narcissist or an Emotionally Immature parent.

It is important to educate yourself about whatever you are experiencing from a parent or partner, and this knowledge should come from professionals, not from bloggers who are not qualified to explain these topics to you. Otherwise, listening to a “survivor turned expert,” could possibly trigger you, as they are luring you in with dramatic posts. Whereas an expert is going to share information with you and talk to you about how to work through this experience or where to get help on this topic.

Who is Telling the Truth? – The Narcissist Always Wins

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As a psychotherapist, I am dumbfounded by the stories I always hear in my room. It is the family law stories that get me every time. The client, no matter whether it is male or female, the survivor of the narcissist, is always the one who loses when there is a narcissistic spouse involved. Here in Ohio, it is a “woman’s only state,” but I can tell you this is NOT true when there is a narcissist. I’d like to even say only with children, but I have had women who had money (not lots, but more then him) who have had to fight him trying to take their money, when they were only married a few years. I have had men who were up against a woman (with no children together) and had to fight her lies and manipulation in court – not for money – but for power. Why is it that nothing is being done about this? Why is it the court’s always believe them? Why are they not trying to create change, or to have a conscience?

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My Parent is a Narcissist, I Just Found Out – Now What?

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Image from a Spanish Movie “The Red Virgin,” based on a true story about a mother/daughter.

Recently, my client began to become aware of her mother and father both being what she would presume to be a narcissist. I had know they were showing symptoms of this all along, but she wasn’t ready yet and I am not going to push someone. The awareness was like “coming out of the closet,” excitement/honeymoon stage of “Aha, I finally have some answers.” Now, we are at the “Now what stage” and not feeling so excited. “How do I hang out with them? I like some things about them and don’t want to abandon them but at the same time, how do I deal with this” (paraphrased). This is the question I am asked so often. And, now I will give you some thoughts on this.

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Parental Narcissism

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Me and my pal in the hat, Middle School

Growing up with a narcissistic parent, you make do. You try to follow the rules, deal with the lack of boundaries, cry a lot – even though your told not to, become a scapegoat when you are the oldest (often but not always), get yelled at, compared to, and told things like “Why can’t you be more like…” When I looked back at my “diary” in a little pink book from this middle school time period, I never said a word about physical abuse or emotional abuse and certainly nothing about narcissism. How did I know? I complained about not being allowed to do something or what a day I had had or whether I was going to my friends house to hang out. You would never know from the outside looking in and you would not know from the inside looking out. You are a kid with no psychological training.

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Re-Writing the Story – How Narcissistic Parents Gaslight their Adult Children

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Taken from SunshineTherapeutics.com

My client is reading the book “Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-up’s Guide for Getting Over Narcissistic Parents,” by Dr. Nina W. Brown. As we were talking, they made a comment about their parent “Re-writing the story,” to make it fit with their narrative now. I loved the way it was stated and decided to write about this. It is so important to understand when you are the Adult Child of a Narcissistic Parent. Your parent is going to “remember” things way differently than you did. They will remember it the way it makes them feel comfortable AND, in a way where they don’t have to be held accountable for their actions.

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I Can See Clearly Now – The Divorce is Over (or the relationship has ended)

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“I Can See Clearly Now”

I can see clearly now, the rain has gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day

I think I can make it now, the pain has gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is that rainbow I’ve been praying for
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day

Look all around, there’s nothing but blue sky
Look straight ahead, nothing but blue sky

I can see clearly now, the rain has gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone’re the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day
Gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day
Gonna be a bright, bright, bright sun-shining day

Written by Johnny Nash

When listening to the lyrics of this very famous song written by Johnny Nash, you feel a sense of hope after all the pain that you have been through. Women and men who are struggling in the courtroom, trying to divorce a narcissist – this can be a long and tedious journey costing tens of thousands of dollars and leaving the victim broke. However, once it is over, it is over. My clients talk with me about the sense of relief – he/she is gone. “I can sleep at night.” and “I am beginning to have a sense of where I want to go.” As he sings, “Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind,” from the trauma bond (cognitive dissonance), the attorneys who you are unsure are supporting you or not, the judges and GALs who collude with the narcissist (coercive control in the courtroom).

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Genital Mutilation is not Acceptable Whether it be in Africa or America: Free our Children from Abusive Teachers, Doctors and Therapists

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ncdsv.org

When I first learned about female genital mutilation, it was sometime in the 90’s. I went to an art installation. I later read about it through Planned Parenthood’s international newsletter. I saw terrible photos of little girls in kitchens with a person wielding some sort of machete, I think it was. Those images disturbed me to no end. Children should have rights. The rights of their parents to protect and safeguard their well-being. They should be listened to and respected, but the parents should be the adults, who teach right from wrong. Parents should be teaching values, educating the child, providing them with their basic needs.

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