Tag Archives: couples

Which Came First, Chicken/Egg – the Manipulation Trail by a Narcissist

Posted on by
Reply
12weekrelationships.com

Remember as kid when you and your siblings would go down the “you started it,” trail? The emotional immaturity does not stop when you are in a relationship with a narcissist. You are in a relationship with them and want to hold them accountable to something and they immediately go on the defense with a “Well, you did this.” You get so focused on what they are saying, trying to please them, that you start forgetting what you wanted to have that conversation with them for in the first place. Sound familiar? Perhaps you need to keep reading.

Continue reading →

Relationships, Communication and Not Giving Up

Posted on by
Reply
Healthy = Turning Toward vs. Toxic = Turning Away

A relationship is hard work but when two people are committed to each other equally then you have a better chance of surviving the long haul. Notice I said equally. If you are in a narcissistic relationship, you are probably the one making the choice to stay and are committed to the relationship yourself. The narcissist is committed but not making a “choice,” it is just a decision, nor are they working hard to make things work. Generally they might say “I am not the one with the problem, you are.” Ouch! That bites. This is a very arrogant statement too. Relationship is about two people not one. If one is hurting, the other should be concerned about this.

Continue reading →

Healthy Relationships: What do they Look Like? Part II

Posted on by
Reply
Aunt Jenny and Uncle Dick – Together 67 years, until his death and then she died two years later. Five Children. Two preceded them in death.

A good relationship isn’t hard to understand but it is hard work. It is difficult for those who have never been allowed to have a voice to suddenly speak without their throat collapsing. To be able to say “This is what I want,” without someone making them feel like a heel for even thinking about that need. To be able to set a boundary without hearing the word “No,” or just being ignored. It requires that you are brave and assert yourself. It also means that you don’t stay with the person if they are not respecting your requests or allowing you to have your needs met. A good relationship means that a person doesn’t run away when there is a crisis. They stick by you as the two of you see it through. A good relationship means that both people are committed to being on this team. You take responsibility for the bills being paid and understand that there is something required of you when the chips are down. When you have children you undertake this task together and don’t expect the other will do all the work. You realize that both of you are creating this new team member and the result of your actions will determine the future for this young soul.

Continue reading →

Healthy Relationships: What do they Look Like? Part I

Posted on by
Reply
Marika and Jimmy, a happy Hungarian couple I grew up with. Married with two kids, until her death in the 80’s.

What does a good relationship look like? There is a really good book out called “The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts” (1996) by Judith S. Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee. This was one of the first books I read on looking at what works in a relationship and I read this prior to graduate school. I was seeking answers myself; curious how people make things happen. When I met a couple that seemed to have a good relationship, I would ask what made them so great. I always heard the good one’s say “communication,” as to why their relationship lasted as long as it did. What does this look like though? If you have grown up in a narcissistic household, where you have lost your sense of self – or in a relationship where you are broken down, it is confusing. I am not sure these really good relationship role models, I met, know the answer themselves. I think they just know this is the secret and it is what everyone says.

Continue reading →

Staying True to the Self in a Relationship – Ellen’s Story

Posted on by
Reply

My first two videos (part 1 and 2) in a series I am creating called Staying True to the Self in a Healthy Relationship. These first two videos are of a couple who have been married for 50 years and had a six year break in between. They have one adult child and a grandchild. Subscribe to my Youtube channel after watching one of these and you will be able to watch all the videos I have created there.

Part I Ellen’s Story
Part 2 Ellen’s Story

Two Therapists Discuss Intimate Relationships with a Narcissist

Posted on by
Reply

Episode Two: Intimate Relationships with a Narcissist

Elizabeth Miller, LISW, LLC

https://elizabethmcounseling.com/

Jeannine Vegh, IMFT at Transformative Psychotherapy, LLC

Home

Survivors of Narcissists Workshop available at Udemy https://www.udemy.com/course/embracing-me/?referralCode=C515C00CF7BBEE83BEC5

Disclaimer: As we are two humble therapists, all discussion you see between us in the video/podcast is based on our training and education, therapeutic work in our practices, and thoughtful opinions formed over our years of working with the population we discuss. We are not the last word in this discussion, and we commit to providing ongoing resources beyond ourselves to enlarge your understanding of this complex subject. Thank you for viewing and we hope this will be helpful in your recovery process.

Love and Forgiveness Conquer All

Posted on by
Reply

In a relationship, love and forgiveness can conquer most anything if two people are willing to work through the crisis. The problem is this: most people give up at the sign of any discomfort. It is usually one person that makes that decision to say they aren’t going to put up with someone anymore. Sometimes both do and then they say it was mutual when they leave at the end.

Love is easy, you can kiss and make up. Relationships are for grown-ups and require a lot of hard work. Persistence, dedication, love, and commitment to each other. This is the recipe for turning things around. If one or both refuses, they have missed out on an opportunity to grow and become better people. They are essentially running away and choosing to continue living their life in the crisis. This is unfortunate. If they could stay with their partner and do the work, the relationship could potentially transform into a much more powerful union. A sense of relationship enlightenment could ensue.

Continue reading →

Ego vs. Intuition: How to Succeed in Couples Counseling

Posted on by
Reply

In a relationship, the biggest reason for endings is the Ego. Werner Erhard once said “When your right, that’s what you get to be. Right. That is, not necessarily loved, or anything else nice: Just Right.” To succeed in couples counseling, both parties need to be willing to work on their ego, with the knowledge that both are making mistakes.

How are we able to delve deeper into our psyche? Breathe fresh air into our consciousness and let go?

This is the hardest task we must both follow in a relationship. The one thing that will make or break a couple. Can they let go of their need to be right or continue to just fight? Do they love each other and want to grow as a couple? If you want to grow, you both have to be willing to listen and learn. Otherwise, you have nothing.

Continue reading →