Category Archives: Narcissists

Parental Narcissism

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Me and my pal in the hat, Middle School

Growing up with a narcissistic parent, you make do. You try to follow the rules, deal with the lack of boundaries, cry a lot – even though your told not to, become a scapegoat when you are the oldest (often but not always), get yelled at, compared to, and told things like “Why can’t you be more like…” When I looked back at my “diary” in a little pink book from this middle school time period, I never said a word about physical abuse or emotional abuse and certainly nothing about narcissism. How did I know? I complained about not being allowed to do something or what a day I had had or whether I was going to my friends house to hang out. You would never know from the outside looking in and you would not know from the inside looking out. You are a kid with no psychological training.

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When is it NOT Narcissism?

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Unless you are licensed in the psychology profession and have some training or knowledge in the field of personality disorders, and you have had personal or professional contact with this person, it is not narcissism, it is purely speculation.

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Which Came First, Chicken/Egg – the Manipulation Trail by a Narcissist

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12weekrelationships.com

Remember as kid when you and your siblings would go down the “you started it,” trail? The emotional immaturity does not stop when you are in a relationship with a narcissist. You are in a relationship with them and want to hold them accountable to something and they immediately go on the defense with a “Well, you did this.” You get so focused on what they are saying, trying to please them, that you start forgetting what you wanted to have that conversation with them for in the first place. Sound familiar? Perhaps you need to keep reading.

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Invisible Gaslighting

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https://econ-learner.net/3-signs-youre-carrying-the-invisible-load-in-your-relationship-from-a-psychologist/

As I was talking to a client the other day, they spoke of their shock and now a feeling of the “reality sinking in,” but still having no clue what happened, I kept thinking about how to explain this. I suddenly said that it felt like it was invisible, or stealth and seemed like gaslighting. Many people break-up with a partner, there is no clue at all, some thoughts but no idea about the “why.” The reality is the cognitive dissonance, remembering all the good times they had and then out of nowhere “the rug is pulled out from under them.”

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Narcissists, Relationships and Cognitive Dissoance – By Sherry Gaba LCSW

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Excerpts from Psychology Today article, written by Sherry Gaba LCSW, on Narcissists, Relationships and Cognitive Dissonance:

Cognitive dissonance can occur in a range of different situations. Simply put, cognitive dissonance is having two very different thoughts or beliefs about something at the same time. It is very common in emotionally abusive situations and in relationships with narcissists.

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Re-Writing the Story – How Narcissistic Parents Gaslight their Adult Children

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Taken from SunshineTherapeutics.com

My client is reading the book “Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-up’s Guide for Getting Over Narcissistic Parents,” by Dr. Nina W. Brown. As we were talking, they made a comment about their parent “Re-writing the story,” to make it fit with their narrative now. I loved the way it was stated and decided to write about this. It is so important to understand when you are the Adult Child of a Narcissistic Parent. Your parent is going to “remember” things way differently than you did. They will remember it the way it makes them feel comfortable AND, in a way where they don’t have to be held accountable for their actions.

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I Can See Clearly Now – The Divorce is Over (or the relationship has ended)

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“I Can See Clearly Now”

I can see clearly now, the rain has gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day

I think I can make it now, the pain has gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is that rainbow I’ve been praying for
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day

Look all around, there’s nothing but blue sky
Look straight ahead, nothing but blue sky

I can see clearly now, the rain has gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone’re the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day
Gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day
Gonna be a bright, bright, bright sun-shining day

Written by Johnny Nash

When listening to the lyrics of this very famous song written by Johnny Nash, you feel a sense of hope after all the pain that you have been through. Women and men who are struggling in the courtroom, trying to divorce a narcissist – this can be a long and tedious journey costing tens of thousands of dollars and leaving the victim broke. However, once it is over, it is over. My clients talk with me about the sense of relief – he/she is gone. “I can sleep at night.” and “I am beginning to have a sense of where I want to go.” As he sings, “Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind,” from the trauma bond (cognitive dissonance), the attorneys who you are unsure are supporting you or not, the judges and GALs who collude with the narcissist (coercive control in the courtroom).

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When You Say Yes, but Need to Say No – Psychology Today, Susanne Babbel MFT, Ph.D.

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An article I found from a fellow alumnus at John F. Kennedy University. Learning to listen to your body or your gut feelings. These hints often happen during the romantic delusion I have spoken about here on this website. Susanne has great points below and within this wonderful article, that you can click on to read further. The burnouts, she mentions, can be translated to cognitive dissonance while surviving a narcissist. Years (or even months) of excusing the narcissists behavior, losing your sense of self to the point where you don’t know who you are anymore – burnout. She talks about beginning to feel relief when you are setting boundaries, going into therapy and taking care of yourself – with a narcissist – when you leave the relationship or are able to find someway to survive in the relationship. Some partners feel they have no choice but to stay, and therein lies the dilemma of creating a way to keep your sanity by taking your power back. Click on the article below to read in its entirety and feel free to comment on your thoughts.

When You Say Yes but Need to Say No | Psychology Today

Key Points found within the article above.

  • Burnout may signal self-abandonment. Saying yes when you need to say no disconnects you from your true self.
  • Symptoms like tension, guilt, and loss of joy are signs you might be overriding your limits.
  • Setting boundaries protects your energy and helps you reconnect with your body, feelings, and values.

What do these Narcissistic terms REALLY Mean?

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Found on Linked

It is so important to not use these terms, in general, unless you are a psychotherapist and know what you are talking about. We see them all over social media, we hear them in our daily life, but I can speak from experience in saying that when I hear these terms, the person is generally taking this out of context. I have articles on all or most of these terms (so far) on my webpage here. They are all mentioned one way or another in my posts. I am talking about them here to educate my readers but I am not posting and educating to make you a psychotherapist – unless you already are. Using these terms incorrectly can harm someone. It might deter someone from seeking counseling because they think they have it already figured out. Healing from the abuse you have suffered from a narcissistic parent, partner, or other person in your life is more than just understanding terms.