I wrote the following many years ago, but since I saved it on the Icloud, in one fell swoop, I lost all my dates. I am guessing this was written in the early 2000’s. There are three lists to distinguish between “Batterer,” “Victim,” and “Survivor.” The sentences are sarcastic in the sense that this is how the person is thinking. Meaning, if someone is a batterer, they are going to agree with these sentences and not find anything wrong with it.
Continue readingThis Czech-Polish (2022 – Kanopy) movie could be seen as a modern day love relationship and it is billed as an erotic-drama. But, since it is so important to me that we watch movies consciously – and I use films for homework with my clients – so that we are more self-aware and do not go into a romantic delusion that this is healthy and fun. It is not. The director is very clear of this throughout the film showing us somatically that Petyr is not enjoying this and is being manipulated by his girlfriend Hanka. Here is my fantasy session with Petyr after he comes to see me at the end of the film.
Continue readingIt is really important to heal your wounds before speaking to others about psychology. This goes for psychotherapists, psychiatrists, psychologists and even laymen (or non-professionals). Why? Because there is still so much to learn. Because you don’t really understand yet what is going on. Because you have so much anger and are relaying only part of a very biased story. For professionals, it is easy to project your own pain onto others. It is easy to misunderstand because their story doesn’t fit yours.
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You hear the term “narcissist” so frequently from others. As a psychotherapist, there are moments when you wonder if they both weren’t a bit egotistical. Over time you begin to piece it together, what really happened and who was what. Sometimes it is not narcissism. I have another blog post “When are they NOT a Narcissist?”
I bought this book to give to someone and kept another in my office to share with clients. It is actually a workbook and I think you will find it very helpful in preparing to take this next step. Safety tip, make sure to leave it at work or at a friend’s house, somewhere that this person will not find it and use it against you. Cognitive Dissonance – very important part of what keeps us in the relationship or makes it difficult post-separation. It is a combination of the trauma bond and the romantic delusion. But, you will have to read Dr. McAvoy’s book to learn more. A tip: I could only find this on Amazon, so this is the best place to begin.
Romantic Delusion is dissociation – brain fog – auto pilot. It is when we are seeing or hearing things from the narcissist but are excusing this in our minds. “If I love him…” or “He/She just needs someone who can…” We don’t pay attention to the red flags because we are dismissing them altogether. Until, it is too late.
The narcissist fears being inferior whereas the borderline fears being abandoned. It is a whole lot more than this, so listen to see what you think you are or have dealt with. Both are manipulative but in different ways. It is complex and exhausting but important to understand the difference.
This video is part of my workshop on Udemy. It is from a professional workshop given by Ira Progoff, who was a Jungian trained psychotherapist. I hope you will enjoy this.
I resonate with this video and wanted to share this as we go into “Happy” Mother’s Day. For those of you who are struggling at this time of the year, it is important to seek support from a psychotherapist who specializes in this topic. Learn about boundaries, building self-confidence, separating/detaching from the narcissist (this doesn’t mean you never speak to them again), find your sense of self, grow into the woman you want to be. For some people, they are unsure of who they want to be. Psychotherapy will help you to explore this answer as you work through the childhood wounds.
Lisa A. Romano can be found on her website and on Insight Timer. I have enjoyed listened to her videos on IT and found them to be very helpful and insightful. Please note that she is a Life Coach and not a psychotherapist.
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