Ms. Pelicot’s story is one that I learned about in the news after the court hearing against her husband and other perpetrators began. She is from France. I was fascinated with the knowledge that she had requested the courtroom be opened to the public at the Palais de Justice. The title “Shame Has to Change Sides,” coincides with this. She had heard this term from a woman’s group, I believe she says in her book. It meant that instead of her facing the humiliation of being alone in the courtroom, with all of her perpetrators, instead, the room would be filled with journalists (from around the world) and women wanting to hear her story. These people, who flocked in daily once the word got out, were now facing the perpetrators, so they could not be anonymous. This was a very brave action on her part, especially as these people would also be witness to the humiliation and degradation that was done to her in more than a decade. The book she writes, “A Hymn to Life,” gives us the details of her fifty year marriage to the “monster.”
Can you think of other famous women who prevailed, while or after being married to a Narcissist? It helps to remember, and helps us to stay strong and not give up hope.
Here I have shown you Catherine the Great. She was married to Pytor, a Russian Tsar, for a moment. The royal house conducted a coup d’état, and boom, he was gone. Catherine was Empress of Russia longer than any other monarch in that country.
Eleanor Roosevelt had a husband who embarrassed our country by sleeping with every woman he could get his hands on. While he was a great president in many respects, Eleanor is seen as being the first female president to some. She advised him, gave speeches, travelled the country, held press conferences with women journalists only. She survived by focusing on what she could do and could control, not by what she couldn’t.
Frida Kahlo is a famous Mexican painter, who was married to Diego Rivera, another famous Mexican painter (famous before marrying her). He slept with anyone and everyone, including her sister, before she could not take it anymore. And, before this, (and after) she focused on her art, staying strong despite her many miscarriages and terrible medical issues. She also had her own lovers. In the end, Frida is the one whom Mexicans have in their shop windows, whom they revere so much. Even Mexican restaurants in the U.S., you can find images of her, whereas you will see Diego in California doctor’s offices. She was quite an amazing woman.
And who can forget Princess Diana. A lovely woman, who learned on the day before her marriage that her husband to be was in love with another (who he is married to now). Yet, Princess Diana was more famous, more loved and will be while her husband is the King now and not many people care – except his loyal followers. She did more for the homeless, AIDS, raising awareness about land mines, and many other things. While she had a tragic death, which only made her more of a saint, her memory and contributions will live on. King Charles? Who cares. The world waits for her son and daughter-in-law to take his place. Right now, her ex is nothing more than a token object. A tradition, a bump on the log.
So, who can you think of? Don’t be shy. Comment below with your answer.
This is also mentioned on my “Survivors” page. If you haven’t had a chance to take this workshop and have been meaning to, no better day then the present! There are quite a few videos to watch, learn and grow from. You are welcome to ask me any question you like and I am happy to answer this. If you subscribe to this website, you will also get a coupon to take the course for $9.99! or go to their website now and watch the video that will give you an introduction to the course. You will be glad you did!
My ebook is finally here and I can’t wait for you to read it and provide a review to help others who are struggling with this topic. You can find the book at Books2Read through a variety of your favorite ebook publishers. Today is the first day, so if you don’t see your favorite publisher yet, it may be there tomorrow. Hoopla will take a couple of weeks so please be patient!
Uncomfortable Comfortableness is an easy read-in-one-day, with six wonderful homework assignments to keep you thinking. I have been working on this for many months at the same time preparing workshops on this very same topic. It finally occurred to me, I needed something quick and easy. A book that gets right to the point. Another therapist came up with a similar concept – quick and easy for couples. I told her to publish it and then I thought – why don’t I do this for survivors? Well, here it is, just in time for Christmas/Hannukah/Winter Solstice or whatever holiday you might celebrate at this time of the year.
Thank you for shopping and again, leave a review if you don’t mind, so others might consider picking up a copy for themselves.
There are many survivors of the Jeffrey Epstein/Ghislaine Maxwell human trafficking scandal. While we only hear about the women, I have seen a photo online of him standing with a group of boys. I imagine that they are having a harder time coming forward, as male sexual abuse survivors often do. Virginia Giuffre appears to be the most outspoken, female survivor, with her book “Nobody’s Girl.” What is sad is two things, one that she felt so alone and depressed that she died by suicide. Secondly, that one of the other victim’s a Korean woman by the name of Rina Oh and she were in pursuit of justice in different ways and at odds with each other at the same time.
This particular scene works best in understanding what “gaslighting” is. It also shows the moves of a pathological liar in motion. When watching this, pay particular attention to when she says “the letter.” See how Gregory stops in motion, is thinking, then turns around and stumbles with his words ever so slightly before conjuring up the lie that she never had the letter in the first place. When Paula uses the terms “insane” she is letting us all know that this is what it feels like when someone is gaslighting you. Although she says “Are you trying to tell me I am insane.” This is an educated woman trying to make sense of her reality. This is the difference between a lie an gaslighting.
At the end, a discussion is had about why “he” can’t let her go out in public. This would have been the worst thing that could happen to a society woman in her time period. She would become speculation for gossip and rumors, which we see in this movie when the two maids are talking outside the house (this is not on this clip). In today’s day and age, if a celebrity couple is captured in a photo (alone or together), perhaps in a bad mood, bad hair day, poor choice of clothing, this is the modern way of “going out in public” and gossip and rumors run havoc in the tabloids.
The key point of whether they are or not is how they respond to you when you express concerns about something they have said or done. Do they get defensive and turn it around to be about themselves or do they say to you “What did I say” or “Tell me what I did to hurt you.” This book “Adult Children or Emotionally Immature Parents,” By Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson, is one of my client favorites who are still feeling wounded or continue to be wounded by parents they were raised by. They turn to this book to seek answers as an adjunct to therapy.
A few days ago, I put a video on here with Dr. Ramani talking about whether it is a Narcissist or an Emotionally Immature parent.
It is important to educate yourself about whatever you are experiencing from a parent or partner, and this knowledge should come from professionals, not from bloggers who are not qualified to explain these topics to you. Otherwise, listening to a “survivor turned expert,” could possibly trigger you, as they are luring you in with dramatic posts. Whereas an expert is going to share information with you and talk to you about how to work through this experience or where to get help on this topic.
Ray Milland plays Tony Wendice (prn. When-dess), in the 1954 Hitchcock film “Dial M For Murder.” He is a cold, calculating, psychopath, who has elegantly and cleverly set up Anthony Dawson’s character Charles Swann to kill his wife for her money. This is a familiar storyline from the movies Temptation, Double Indemnity, The Postman Rings Twice, to name a few.
Society uses this term too lightly and it is important to understand the difference. Naturally you should never use this term toward someone, especially since you are not a psychology professional and even when you are. We want to, but it will only work against us. It feels like they need to know, but it is better to focus on taking care of yourself rather than trying to change them.
A Frequent Blog of Devotionals Inspired by A Course in Miracles, A Course of Love, The Way of Mastery, Choose Only Love--Plus More . . . with Celia Hales - https://www.amazon.com/author/celiahales
Jeannine Vegh 