Conflict In Relationships: Having a Healthy Dialogue


A relationship does not need to be divided as a result of conflict. If both parties are committed to one another and believe they are on a team – and operate as a team, both will grow with conflict. The reason so many couples are divided is that trust has been broken and they are in a two party household.

If only one partner is talking and requesting support but the other is not listening – stonewalling, or criticizing, being contemptuous or defending themself, the talker will feel bitter over time. They will feel emotionally exhausted. “I have tried explaining, but he/she doesn’t listen.” They might say. When they come into my office, the “listener” becomes very defensive, “yes I did.” I know they didn’t otherwise they wouldn’t be there.

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Our Soul’s Mate

Patience is a Virtue, but don’t sit around and wait, patiently for him to return.           

Love, Sweet Passionate Love. An energy, not an emotion, words my professor spoke to me or us in class back in the late 90’s at Antioch University Santa Barbara. I had struggled until recently to begin to understand what this really might mean. We want to believe that love is based on emotions. This is what society tells us.  That it is about sex, fulfilment, desires, needs being met, romance. And yet, every love story comes with a tale of how the two met. It is not a linear photograph. Remembering fondly, “When Harry Met Sally.” These two young adults met right in college; I believe they were driving somewhere together. Over the years, the two of them had a friendship, with husband/wife, break-ups, illness, and they still carried this bond, this fondness. It wasn’t until the very end of the movie that we see this, now older couple getting together, probably in their 30’s.

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Conversations: A Way to Open Doors

Social media has forced society into new ways of living their lives. When I grew up, people stopped by to visit, we asked them to stay for coffee and dessert or even dinner. We were good hosts. We had conversations. Sometimes these turned into debates in a Hungarian household (and I assume any European one would be the same). It wasn’t fueled with hatred or venom, just trying to understand each other in a loud voice with arms swinging while they spoke. This was healthy because people were in discussion. The walk to the door started and ended with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Now, instead of visiting each other and having conversations, we are stuck with posting, replies, ghosting and gaslighting. This has become normal that no one even bats an eye anymore when they hear about this. Offenders feel entitled to ghost or gaslight because they read an article about it. Anger has ensued as a result of this. Kids are committing suicide, people are being killed and its all in a day’s cycle of venting their hostility, their fears, their pain, their inability to have a conversation with someone.

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The Worst Person in the World – Norway

I resonated with Julie and the confusion she has as a young woman. The movie doesn’t end with less confusion, just that she has grown a little more as a person. This is normal with foreign films, as only Americans seem to need to be nurtured at the end of the film. I like the foreign way because it is more realistic to me. No one’s life ends with a nurtured ending. It ends with the choices we made and whether we have learned anything from it or not.

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What is a Woman – or Man?

Matt Walsh conducted a series of interviews for a documentary called What is a Woman? It has had me thinking about what my answer would be to this statement. I don’t think there is one answer other than naturally, it has to do with your biological make-up. No matter what mask you put on to try and be someone else, you are still the person you were when you were born. Dr. Maxwell Maltz (the late plastic surgeon) discusses this in more detail in his book “Psychocybernetics.”

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Anti-White Sentiment – A Disturbing Trend

It is terribly disappointing to hear our president state “I am a White boy but I am not Stupid.” He is essentially saying White people, his own race, are stupid. I am an intelligent woman and I am not ashamed of being White. I make no apologies for my ancestors – who I didn’t know and even those I did know. I am not them and they are not me.

In the late 1800’s, early 1900’s, Anti-Semitism went on the rise amongst fashionable Europe. When I wrote my novel “The Uprisers: A Hungarian Historical Fiction,” I found that during that same time, in Hungary (and I am sure other villages around Europe) leaflets were dropped from airplanes to make the locals aware of the negative propaganda in regard to those who were Jewish. Now we have social media to indoctrinate people in this hate mentality. No more need to pay pilots!

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Healthy Relationships Don’t Have Blaming or Punishment

Healthy relationships are not blaming you by twisting something that you said around – they take responsibility for their own actions. Healthy Relationships do not punish you with passive aggressive tactics such as not allowing you to attend an event they invited you to or not calling for several days. The key word here is Boundaries and the person you are with respecting these boundaries. If they do, you are in a healthy relationship, if they don’t, you are being blamed and punished.

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Romantic Delusion – Dissociation hit by Cupid’s Arrow

Imagine you are on a second or third date with a very handsome man. There is something that draws you into his face. His smile, his eyes, his generosity, his warmth. You find yourself lapping up everything he has to say. Then you come home and you talk to your friends about how it went. What did he say? You can tell them where he works, how old he is, what he looks like, even how many siblings he has. When it comes to answering questions about his previous relationship, what he wants for the future, any tensions he might have brought up with family or friends, or anything at all of substance that may have seemed to be a conversation that triggered you in some way – you draw a blank.

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Having a Healthy Relationship After a Narcissist

Watch this or read the blog below! Whichever you prefer.

I am a psychotherapist in the Columbus, Ohio area. I have been working with survivors of narcissists for many years and during this time I continue to find new ways to help support the survivor as I learn myself. In my own evolution or increasing self-awareness as a psychology professional and a survivor of narcissism.

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Holiday Family Chaos – Rising Above The Social Media Lies and Distortion

The above quote is the very first line you will read in Anna Karenina. It is the only line I really cherished as I couldn’t fathom the book. I could manage the movie but Russian writers are not my forte.

As we go into the holiday season, don’t focus on what you see on social media, focus on the reality of your own life, on how you can become a better person. I can tell you that so many of the lies you see on social media, I have learned about in my office.  They are not happy families; they show you what they imagine they have. There are some rare circumstances but more and more, it is like finding that rare penny that will make you a millionaire.

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