Trauma Bond comes from going down that path of being love bombed. Trauma can come from being frightened or manipulated or gaslighted or abuse (sexual, emotional, physical, mental) or witnessing.
Healing is about surviving the trauma. It is about standing up for yourself. About having personal integrity or agency. It is about having an awakening and realizing you have to look out for yourself.
This is a phrase I read in my World Religions class and have never forgotten it.
I bought this book to give to someone and kept another in my office to share with clients. It is actually a workbook and I think you will find it very helpful in preparing to take this next step. Safety tip, make sure to leave it at work or at a friend’s house, somewhere that this person will not find it and use it against you. Cognitive Dissonance – very important part of what keeps us in the relationship or makes it difficult post-separation. It is a combination of the trauma bond and the romantic delusion. But, you will have to read Dr. McAvoy’s book to learn more. A tip: I could only find this on Amazon, so this is the best place to begin.
Above is the video of this song, below are my translations as to what I believe the words mean when I look at them in the context of a narcissist. Not sure if this is what he was thinking, but I suspect it could be. I feel like this song is his way of telling us how he redirected himself in the process of moving forward after a narcissist. Take a look and see:
Now and then I think of when we were together,
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die,
Told myself that you were right for me, (Love Bombing)
But felt so lonely in your company, (Trauma Bond)
But that was love and it’s an ache I still remember.
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness,
Like resignation to the end, (Trauma Bond)
Always the end,
So when we found that we could not make sense,
Well you said that we would still be friends,
But I’ll admit that I was glad that it was over. (Self-Realization – Healthy Detachment)
But you didn’t have to cut me off, (Discard)
Make out like it never happened,
And that now we’re nothing,
And I don’t even need your love, (Trauma Bond)
But you treat me like a stranger,
And that feels so rough,
No you didn’t have to stoop so low,
Have your friends collect your records, (Discard)
And then change your number, (Discard)
I guess that I don’t need that though,
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know, (Healthy detaching process)
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I’d done (Gaslighting)
And I don’t wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say (Romantic Delusion)
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn’t catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know…
Movies are my favorite tool for helping a client to understand what I am talking about. All of the films below show a relationship with a NPD, in different ways. Some of the films below are shown in the Marquee above.
A Frequent Blog of Devotionals Inspired by A Course in Miracles, A Course of Love, The Way of Mastery, Choose Only Love--Plus More . . . with Celia Hales - https://www.amazon.com/author/celiahales