Tag Archives: Coercive Control

Who is Telling the Truth? – The Narcissist Always Wins

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As a psychotherapist, I am dumbfounded by the stories I always hear in my room. It is the family law stories that get me every time. The client, no matter whether it is male or female, the survivor of the narcissist, is always the one who loses when there is a narcissistic spouse involved. Here in Ohio, it is a “woman’s only state,” but I can tell you this is NOT true when there is a narcissist. I’d like to even say only with children, but I have had women who had money (not lots, but more then him) who have had to fight him trying to take their money, when they were only married a few years. I have had men who were up against a woman (with no children together) and had to fight her lies and manipulation in court – not for money – but for power. Why is it that nothing is being done about this? Why is it the court’s always believe them? Why are they not trying to create change, or to have a conscience?

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I Can See Clearly Now – The Divorce is Over (or the relationship has ended)

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“I Can See Clearly Now”

I can see clearly now, the rain has gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day

I think I can make it now, the pain has gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is that rainbow I’ve been praying for
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day

Look all around, there’s nothing but blue sky
Look straight ahead, nothing but blue sky

I can see clearly now, the rain has gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone’re the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day
Gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day
Gonna be a bright, bright, bright sun-shining day

Written by Johnny Nash

When listening to the lyrics of this very famous song written by Johnny Nash, you feel a sense of hope after all the pain that you have been through. Women and men who are struggling in the courtroom, trying to divorce a narcissist – this can be a long and tedious journey costing tens of thousands of dollars and leaving the victim broke. However, once it is over, it is over. My clients talk with me about the sense of relief – he/she is gone. “I can sleep at night.” and “I am beginning to have a sense of where I want to go.” As he sings, “Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind,” from the trauma bond (cognitive dissonance), the attorneys who you are unsure are supporting you or not, the judges and GALs who collude with the narcissist (coercive control in the courtroom).

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The Child of the Narcissist

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Me at 17 – 1979/80

I had recently turned 17 when my boyfriend proposed to me – which was nothing more than asking me in bed one day if I would marry him. We went and got a ring, and my mom raced me down to Lazarus to their Bridal Department. It was a beautiful day, probably one of the best memories I have with my mom, as a teen. I put the gown on, one that I had fantasized about from all the wedding magazines. I was on a dais, looking at myself in a three-fold mirror and felt like I was on top of the world. Intuitively, even though I didn’t understand what this word meant back then, I knew I would never wear the dress.

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Coercive Control by a Parent in the Courtroom

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This is an issue that is often unrecognized in courtrooms due to a lack of training and knowledge of this topic. This is a good video and a great discussion between three professional women who highlight different cases they are aware of.

As an ex-CPS worker I can say that emotional abuse, manipulation, this is very difficult to see – which they talk about above. This is rarely a reason to remove a child.

What I will also add is that men can sometimes be a victim of coercive control as well. I have listened to many stories of how women and turned a situation around to their advantage and the man walks away penniless or alienated from his children.

Dr. Christine Cocchiola. Take a look at her website to learn more about her training/coaching for professionals and clients.

If you get a chance and can find the documentary Divorce Corp. It is very telling to hear about how finances play a role in lengthening this process – when people have it and even when they don’t.