Category Archives: Songs

Lucius – Go Home – I Don’t Need You Anyway

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When I first heard this song, it was a “wind down” from a spinning class. The teacher had eclectic tastes in music. I wasn’t quite sure what all the words were and when he told me the band I had never heard of them. From what little I did hear though, I knew I needed to hear it as soon as I got home. Little did I know, I was about to witness an amazing video that it is hard not to be captivated by.

The music and lyrics immediately pull you in and you definitely DON’T want to listen if you are having a bad day. Very depressing.

What I hear is the song of a woman in a relationship with a very controlling person. A little different then the obvious lyrics of Voices Carry by Til Tuesday. “I’m your dolly stuffed with extra baggage.” She came into this relationship as a very vulnerable person, who is at this point not even human. The cartoon doll in this video is poignant as it portrays the slow motion, the dragging of a person with major depressive disorder. What I especially like was the red yarn. I asked myself what this was symbolic of an intuitively, I received the answer “a web of lies.”

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I Can See Clearly Now – The Divorce is Over (or the relationship has ended)

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“I Can See Clearly Now”

I can see clearly now, the rain has gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day

I think I can make it now, the pain has gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is that rainbow I’ve been praying for
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day

Look all around, there’s nothing but blue sky
Look straight ahead, nothing but blue sky

I can see clearly now, the rain has gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone’re the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day
Gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day
Gonna be a bright, bright, bright sun-shining day

Written by Johnny Nash

When listening to the lyrics of this very famous song written by Johnny Nash, you feel a sense of hope after all the pain that you have been through. Women and men who are struggling in the courtroom, trying to divorce a narcissist – this can be a long and tedious journey costing tens of thousands of dollars and leaving the victim broke. However, once it is over, it is over. My clients talk with me about the sense of relief – he/she is gone. “I can sleep at night.” and “I am beginning to have a sense of where I want to go.” As he sings, “Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind,” from the trauma bond (cognitive dissonance), the attorneys who you are unsure are supporting you or not, the judges and GALs who collude with the narcissist (coercive control in the courtroom).

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On the Mend – Foo Fighters

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One more day that I’ve survived
Another night alone
Pay no mind, I’m doing fine
I’m breathing on my own

I’m here
And I’m on the mend
I’m here
And I’m on the mend my friend

Wake me when the hour arrives
Wake me with my name
See you somewhere down the line
We’re tethered once again

I’m here
And I’m on the mend
I’m here
And I’m on the mend my friend
I’m here
And I’m on the mend
I’m here
And I’m on the mend my friend

Was it you?
Sat alone
Here we go

Close your eyes and stay a while
To take me where you go
Single file we walk the mile
Who’s wandering back home

I’m here
And I’m on the mend
I’m here
And I’m on the mend my friend
I’m here
And I’m on the mend
I’m here
And I’m on the mend my friend

Was it you?
Sat alone

Here we go
Here we go
Here we go
Here we go

Written by: Dave Grohl, Taylor Hawkins, Nate Mendel, Chris Shiflett Album: In Your Honor Released: 2005

The first time I heard this song, I was in the middle of a trauma bond myself and felt very poorly. I felt that “on the mend,” spoke very much of a person who was trying to crawl out of a hole, and this could be from mental illness, sickness, grief, a normal break-up, or a trauma bond from a narcissist.

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Dreams – Stevie Nicks

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Now here you go again
You say you want your freedom
Well who am I to keep you down?
It’s only right that you should
Play it the way you feel it
But listen carefully to the sound
Of your loneliness
Like a heartbeat, drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering what you had
And what you lost
And what you had
And what you lost

Thunder only happens when it’s raining
Players only love you when they’re playing
Say, women, they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean, you’ll know

Now here I go again, I see the crystal visions
I keep my visions to myself
It’s only me
Who wants to wrap around your dreams, and,
Have you any dreams you’d like to sell?
Dreams of loneliness,
Like a heartbeat, drives you mad,
In the stillness of remembering
What you had,
And what you lost,
What you had,
And what you lost

Thunder only happens when it’s raining
Players only love you when they’re playing
Say, women, they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean, you’ll know
You will know,
Oh, you’ll know

Written by: Stephanie Nicks Album: New Jersey 1983 Released: 1983

One day, while driving in the car and listening to the song, I heard that “Players only love you when they’re playing.” I went to my office and played the entire song again and understood the importance of this song to narcissism. Of course, I had heard this song 100 million times before, but like all good music, well, with me, I often listen to the beat – or the sadness – and not always the lyrics. Or, I hear them but don’t piece it together. Until you have been with a “player” the word doesn’t mean a whole hell of a lot to you. You just don’t get it. When you have, the song suddenly takes on new meaning.

I think she wrote this song while in a trauma bond with someone that she loved very much and on the precipice of coming back to reality, she hit the revenge button and wrote of her anger toward this piece of shit that dumped her. Now he hears it every time it is sung on the radio. Does he roll his eyes, or take stock in himself?

Somebody that I Used to Know – Gotye

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Above is the video of this song, below are my translations as to what I believe the words mean when I look at them in the context of a narcissist. Not sure if this is what he was thinking, but I suspect it could be. I feel like this song is his way of telling us how he redirected himself in the process of moving forward after a narcissist. Take a look and see:

Now and then I think of when we were together,

Like when you said you felt so happy you could die,

Told myself that you were right for me, (Love Bombing)

But felt so lonely in your company, (Trauma Bond)

But that was love and it’s an ache I still remember.

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness,

Like resignation to the end, (Trauma  Bond)

Always the end,

So when we found that we could not make sense,

Well you said that we would still be friends,

But I’ll admit that I was glad that it was over. (Self-Realization – Healthy Detachment)

But you didn’t have to cut me off, (Discard)

Make out like it never happened,

And that now we’re nothing,

And I don’t even need your love, (Trauma Bond)

But you treat me like a stranger,

And that feels so rough,

No you didn’t have to stoop so low,

Have your friends collect your records, (Discard)

And then change your number, (Discard)

I guess that I don’t need that though,

Now you’re just somebody that I used to know, (Healthy detaching process)

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over

But had me believing it was always something that I’d done (Gaslighting)

And I don’t wanna live that way

Reading into every word you say (Romantic Delusion)

You said that you could let it go

And I wouldn’t catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know…