How do I see this with men (and women who have more than the narcissist) who are survivors? They are robbed of all their money in court during a divorce.
With women, they are signing legal documents without reading – because they are being pushed into signing through on-going manipulation in the household. They have learned to just do whatever he says.
Survivor Profile
© 2014 The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction (from Sandra L. Brown’s training)
Most of the time I am working with the 37% and I would say this is 99% of my survivor population. My thoughts are that if I were going to conduct research, I would want to strictly focus on survivors of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I think this will show some interesting nuances. Sandra L. Brown has written a number of books, that you can find on the internet. If you are a therapist reading this, her workshop is on PESI. This study is referenced on my Resource page above. Please note, this study focused solely on women who were survivors.
Above is the video of this song, below are my translations as to what I believe the words mean when I look at them in the context of a narcissist. Not sure if this is what he was thinking, but I suspect it could be. I feel like this song is his way of telling us how he redirected himself in the process of moving forward after a narcissist. Take a look and see:
Now and then I think of when we were together,
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die,
Told myself that you were right for me, (Love Bombing)
But felt so lonely in your company, (Trauma Bond)
But that was love and it’s an ache I still remember.
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness,
Like resignation to the end, (Trauma Bond)
Always the end,
So when we found that we could not make sense,
Well you said that we would still be friends,
But I’ll admit that I was glad that it was over. (Self-Realization – Healthy Detachment)
But you didn’t have to cut me off, (Discard)
Make out like it never happened,
And that now we’re nothing,
And I don’t even need your love, (Trauma Bond)
But you treat me like a stranger,
And that feels so rough,
No you didn’t have to stoop so low,
Have your friends collect your records, (Discard)
And then change your number, (Discard)
I guess that I don’t need that though,
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know, (Healthy detaching process)
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I’d done (Gaslighting)
And I don’t wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say (Romantic Delusion)
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn’t catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know…
I have put everything for Survivors in one place now and will not be typing about this topic here anymore. Make sure to copy the QR code below or go to Survivors-of-Narcissists.com
Darren is a psychotherapist in Belfast, Ireland and has a Youtube channel. I have enjoyed learning from him in relation to men who are survivors of narcissists. If you are a male reading this, I would also look up Borderline Personality Disorder. I have found that some of the male’s I have been working with are actually dealing with this type of personality disorder, where narcissism is a symptom but better served under this umbrella.
As a Child of a Narcissist, when you cry it doesn’t fix the pain – they don’t get better. You are still trapped in a home with two parents who are emotionally immature, damaged, wounded and are so detached from their own pain and have no self-awareness. Without self-awareness, from a parent, you are stuck with them. As Is. I cried growing up, all the time. I cried because I felt unloved, unwanted, that no one would listen to me. I felt like a robot living my mom’s life, behaving like my dad wanted. I didn’t know who I was. After I met the guy who would later become my husband and faced his abuse and detachment, I began to cut. This was before it was a “trend” something you read about on social media. I didn’t even know this was a “thing.” I just scratched and scratched until blood came out. I wore long sleeves so no one would see what I was doing. Meanwhile, if I cried, I would hear “Why are you crying? You have no reason to cry” from my mom. Or my dad, when punishing us would say “If you cry, I will whip you more. Toughen up.” They saw my arms and said, “What did you do to yourself?” I can’t recall the excuse I made up. Maybe they said I was crazy.
Continue readingIrish psychotherapist Christine Louis de Canonville, MIACP, whom I have been following for years, has written another book on the topic of narcissism. Watch the video to learn more about this book and all her other books.
I had recently turned 17 when my boyfriend proposed to me – which was nothing more than asking me in bed one day if I would marry him. We went and got a ring, and my mom raced me down to Lazarus to their Bridal Department. It was a beautiful day, probably one of the best memories I have with my mom, as a teen. I put the gown on, one that I had fantasized about from all the wedding magazines. I was on a dais, looking at myself in a three-fold mirror and felt like I was on top of the world. Intuitively, even though I didn’t understand what this word meant back then, I knew I would never wear the dress.
Continue readingThis is an issue that is often unrecognized in courtrooms due to a lack of training and knowledge of this topic. This is a good video and a great discussion between three professional women who highlight different cases they are aware of.
As an ex-CPS worker I can say that emotional abuse, manipulation, this is very difficult to see – which they talk about above. This is rarely a reason to remove a child.
What I will also add is that men can sometimes be a victim of coercive control as well. I have listened to many stories of how women and turned a situation around to their advantage and the man walks away penniless or alienated from his children.
Dr. Christine Cocchiola. Take a look at her website to learn more about her training/coaching for professionals and clients.
If you get a chance and can find the documentary Divorce Corp. It is very telling to hear about how finances play a role in lengthening this process – when people have it and even when they don’t.
Movies are my favorite tool for helping a client to understand what I am talking about. All of the films below show a relationship with a NPD, in different ways. Some of the films below are shown in the Marquee above.
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