I have a dream that comes to me now and then, where I am walking down the street. In order to get where I am going, I have to go in and out of people’s homes along the way. Through many different doors. No one is generally in these homes, though I go in the door, walk around the house, looking for the door to get out and then I am on to the next one. I find it difficult that I have to go through this maze in order to get where I am wanting to go. I have made a conscious effort to be on a path of growth my entire adult life. It has meant that I have had many phases or stages along these six decades, as I go through different doors that open me up to knowledge, spirituality, and naturally growth as a human being.

Growth is difficult, it is a challenge that once we have taken this on, requires a lot of work, consistency and not giving up. Many times, when I am working with people who want to have “more self-esteem,” “confidence,” or they want a better life, I explain this to them. Some people take up the gauntlet and do their homework. Some people talk each session and wonder why their life is staying the same. I have been in both shoes. There were times I went to a therapist and just vented. Each week I would talk and talk and talk and often wondered why they didn’t say much. Sometimes they might ask questions, some offered support or homework assignments, and I would do these diligently. I always wanted more. More input, more suggestions, advice, and there were some who did these things, though it never felt like enough. At the same time, therapy is not what they are giving to me, but what I am giving to them. Meaning, they give me what I need to grow, but it is up to me to do all the work. Then I go back and share this with them (what I have learned) and they give me more. More work or more doors to go through. I didn’t know all of this then. No one generally does. 

I bring two hats to my practice. I am a social worker part of the time and a psychotherapist part of the time. I have been in both roles. I give advice, suggestions, resources, education, empathy and growth. There are times when the person is complaining about money. I mention budget plans with the utility companies that we have in our state. Generally, they don’t know about it or think it is for poor people. I explain that I am on it myself, so anyone can do this. My point is that if they can get this out of the way, they can focus more on self-growth. Even with this, some people look into it, and some don’t. When I work with immigrants, I often share a resource that is strictly for refugees and explain the point of a non-profit in our country. I only work with these people two times and then I am writing a report for their attorney. Men (as a rule) don’t pay much attention, but women will seem eager or interested. I have no idea if they follow-up as my job is completed with them after the second meeting. Again, by putting on my social worker hat, I am helping to take care of one part of the problem. When we aren’t worried so much about day-to-day issues, we can focus more on growth and well-being. 

The name of the band, The Doors, was based on a William Blake book, The Marriage of Heaven and Hell, and the quote Jim Morrison responded to for his group was “If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear to man as it is: infinite. For man has closed himself up, till he sees all things thro’ narrow chinks of his cavern.” This is such a heavy line that requires a lot of thought and introspection. I had known the first sentence, but upon looking this up to write here and finding the entire statement, along with the title of the book gave me pause. Psychotherapy begins a path on cleansing the doors of perception. People often come to see me who have faced some type of trauma in their life. Trauma does not always equal PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), as some people assume, but I will write about this another time. Trauma is anything that disrupts your life in a negative way. This could be your parents’ divorce, sexual abuse, narcissism in the family, mental illness in the family, addictions of your own or again – the family, someone’s death, a car accident, trauma is an endless road of consequences that we face in life. These moments cause the doors of perception to grow cloudy, or for us to dissociate from the incident, or it causes us to get “stuck” in our thinking, and we then begin to make unconscious but “comfortable” choices that cause even more trauma in our life. We are comfortable in the “familiar,” what we know and became accustomed to in our life.

Once these doors of perception are cleansed, in therapy, through homework, though workshops, through meditation, yoga, other self-growth type things, everything would appear to man as it is infinite. This means limitless or endless and I will add the word possibility to the end of both of these words. Limitless possibilities or endless possibilities. From this we can derive a lack of fear, which most people have when they wish to have confidence and self-esteem. Most people have this fear because they don’t want to come across as egotistical or they fear success. They put the cart before the horse, though we all have a tendency toward this fear. Or, as Blake says in the last sentence, man has closed himself up and sees things through narrow chinks of his cavern. To me this would mean the windows of our home. Many people isolate themselves, when they have fears. When I worked in social services, in the inner city, most of those homes had the draperies closed so no one could see in and have a glimpse of their lives. It was a survivor mechanism for protecting their home, so things wouldn’t be stolen. It was also a victim mechanism as they were trapped and often couldn’t see a way out. A way to even move to the next neighborhood where things were much better. After all, Section 8 is in every neighborhood, not just the poor side of town. This is another example of being “comfortable” in the chaos of our lives. There is another quote, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. 

I have gone a long way down the path of growing and going through doors. What doors are you afraid to open? Are you making yourself completely available to learning from your psychotherapist? Are you there to talk or to listen? Do you wish to grow or to vent? These are the questions you must ask yourself when you take a step forward and make that phone call. Opening the doors is scary and yet staying stuck is even worse. Not growing and continuing to be who you are – in your comfortable chaos will bring you security but not happiness. Happiness is a state of being that you create.