On Trial With a Narcissist: No One Wins

Whoever corrects a mocker invites insults; whoever rebukes the wicked incurs abuse. Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you; rebuke the wise and they will love you. Instruct the wise and they will be wiser still; teach the righteous and they will add to their learning.

Proverbs 9:7-9

If Amber Heard imagined or expected that the #METOO movement would be there to back her, or feminists, or women in general, she was sadly mistaken in this tragic turn of events. Unfortunately, the narcissist always wins, or, at least, he is empowered to continue being who he is. Her path to redemption now, will only take place if she seeks solace through healing: with psychotherapy, meditation, supportive friends and taking time to herself.

While I did not play to the media and watch this ridiculous party online, how can you help but not see the headlines in the news on a daily basis. I did listen to a couple of things on Youtube, out of curiosity as a therapist. I listened to Kate Moss’s voice and a song sung by Vanessa Paradis, after she broke up with Johnny Depp. Just to be clear, I am not making any diagnosis here – as I do not know him. The narcissistic traits are clearly evident and the path of his life as has been played out in the press.

I grew up with Johnny Depp – in the media. We are a year apart. I have heard “domestic violence,” more than once about his lovers. He trashed hotel rooms early on. He clearly is incapable of having a long term relationship without some form of trauma. He did stay with his wife the longest. Then he cheated on her with Amber Heard; according to the headlines. When I listened to Vanessa sing about this, I heard my own voice (kidding myself) from the breakup with a covert narcissist, I endured over a year ago. When I saw Kate Moss talking, I saw a blank slate. I wondered if she really wanted to be there. In thinking about the fact that he has never actually gone to court with his past, in regard to domestic violence, I wonder if they were paid off. If so, then he can technically say in court that he has “never laid a hand” without committing perjury. Unless you have been convicted of something, legally, it did not happen. Will we ever really know the truth? Their friends and family know the truth.

I heard the words that Johnny said, which I also read online. I did not hear him taking responsibility for anything. I heard him defending himself, telling us why he was right, why he is good. A relationship is based on two people. It is not what you hear in a court room. You will hear both parties versions, their interpretations, their truths, but you will never hear the truth – the whole truth. Things are left out because the lawyer tells them to. He wasn’t told to take responsibility, he didn’t feel a need either – I would assume. Amber, on the other hand, did not have a leg to stand on. In Hollywood, whomever is the biggest celebrity wins. Unless you are Harvey Weinstein. In this case, it was the timing, enough people going against him, even more money, feminist lawyers, better strategies.

I feel bad for Ms. Heard, as a psychotherapist. She is like all of these victims, who go on stage with these celebrity “psych” shows and have no one to take care of them in the fallout – the end of the show; when no one cares anymore. She didn’t know that going up against a narcissistic type would get her nowhere. She didn’t have a smart enough team, money, the women’s movement, power, she had nothing. She was, for all intensive purposes, another woman who will go down in history as being slaughtered by the man. A woman, who’s voice will never be heard because no one cares. She was fuel for the fire. The fans rose up and didn’t care about anything but their “hero.” They see Johnny Depp as immortal. They played with a very vulnerable woman. She was brave, to do what she did, but her career is probably over – unless of course, she hires a good public relations person. It wouldn’t be the first time that a man or woman was able to spin their story around and come out sitting on top.

There is a lesson for both of them to learn here. This is more important and I wonder if either of them will. The ego is at play and it is greasing the palms of Johnny Depp right now and causing Amber to go into collapse mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

There is a lesson for society to learn too. Once again, critical thinking has been abandoned for the sake of fun and frolic.

How can you not see the difference? It is right here. Smug vs. Pain

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