Excerpts from Psychology Today article, written by Sherry Gaba LCSW, on Narcissists, Relationships and Cognitive Dissonance:

Cognitive dissonance can occur in a range of different situations. Simply put, cognitive dissonance is having two very different thoughts or beliefs about something at the same time. It is very common in emotionally abusive situations and in relationships with narcissists.

The individual who is emotionally abused experiences cognitive dissonance through the strategic, structured manipulation by the narcissist. She is told one thing one day, and then the entire conversation is denied the next. She is swept off her feet in a shower of affection and attention, only to be ignored or abandoned the following day.

The result is a sense of deep and profound confusion about the relationship. Is the wonderful, charismatic, and loving person the actual partner, or is it the abusive, emotionally unavailable, and cold person? Is the truth what was discussed in detail over the last few days, or is it the denial of the conversations, promises, and agreements heard today?

It is not uncommon for narcissists to use this pattern in all aspects of their life. It is also possible for the narcissist to create more than two different ideas or “realities” about a specific issue, which only leads to more confusion, self-doubt, and loss of self-trust by the emotionally abused partner.

The feeling of cognitive dissonance is one of constantly doubting yourself and struggling to keep up with the whirlwind of changes and challenges to reality. The behavior of the narcissist that causes cognitive dissonance is called “gaslighting.”

Signs of cognitive dissonance

Recognizing you are experiencing cognitive dissonance is not always a simple process. The narcissist gradually wears down your self-awareness and self-trust, leaving you vulnerable to their manipulations.

The most common signs of cognitive dissonance include:

• Doubting your own memory or recollection of events, conversations, and experiences
• Second-guessing decisions and choices
• Becoming paralyzed with indecision
• Inability to trust your own decision-making process
• Feeling like there is something wrong with you
• Withdrawing from social interactions
• Constantly apologizing for things that the other person does or says
• Recognizing lies from the partner but defending their actions, words, and behaviors

I had shared this excerpt in a document I had written for the court, in relation to domestic violence and felt it was important to share here so that you might read the entire article on Psychology Today. I note this magazine a lot, on this website, because I advertise in their therapists directory and with this I am entitled to their monthly magazine. I am very fond of their articles as they are very well written and to the point. Interestingly, my report was in relationship to a male being abused and not a female. I say this to explain that these symptoms are not typical to women only.