Ms. Pelicot’s story is one that I learned about in the news after the court hearing against her husband and other perpetrators began. She is from France. I was fascinated with the knowledge that she had requested the courtroom be opened to the public at the Palais de Justice. The title “Shame Has to Change Sides,” coincides with this. She had heard this term from a woman’s group, I believe she says in her book. It meant that instead of her facing the humiliation of being alone in the courtroom, with all of her perpetrators, instead, the room would be filled with journalists (from around the world) and women wanting to hear her story. These people, who flocked in daily once the word got out, were now facing the perpetrators, so they could not be anonymous. This was a very brave action on her part, especially as these people would also be witness to the humiliation and degradation that was done to her in more than a decade. The book she writes, “A Hymn to Life,” gives us the details of her fifty year marriage to the “monster.”

As I began reading her life story and that of her husband’s I kept thinking of another book written by James Fallon, entitled “The Psychopath Inside.” Mr. Fallon is a neuroscientist who is also an expert witness on this topic. He has looked at numerous brain scans and was able to identify a gene or code in the brain that shows up in the “psychopath.” While Psychopath is not a diagnosis, this is a term he uses and explains why in his book. He talks about his only family history, including himself, as he also has this gene on his brain scan. While learning from his book, and with my own background in researching, studying and working with survivors of narcissists, I was able to see the correlation between Mr. Pelicot and the patterns Mr. Fallon was talking about in his book.

What I love about Ms. Pelicot (now in a new relationship), is that through her ghostwriters, she is able to gently take us down the path of meeting her husband and leading us to the trail of how things began to occur subtly with hints along their marriage. In the meantime, she is going back to the facts of the day, when he was arrested and the subsequent actions that occurred as a result of their investigation.

If you are unaware of this story, Mr. Pelicot, drugged his wife so that he and approximately 100 (more or less) men, raped her. Many people wonder about this story and question the accuracy of its authenticity, which is why I think it was imperative that she have this book written to explain it. As people will do, who are inexperienced non-psychological professionals, (laymen) they will go into a fight/flight/freeze trauma mode to take care of themselves upon hearing such horrible atrocities that happen to someone. “She could have gotten away,” they have said, “She should have known,” or “She was complicit.” I was not at all surprised to hear this as it has been well-documented that people will do this.

What is wonderful is that the French police were very careful and compassionate when they made her aware of their findings early on. They took good care of her, making sure she got home safely and later took the liberty of being her escort on the final day of the trial.

While she began with a female attorney who seemed unsympathetic and focused on sensationalizing the case, she ended up with two male attorney’s who were pivotal in having a successful outcome for this infamous story. Two men who were the opposite of her perpetrators in every sense of the word. Who were caring and compassionate and dedicated to serving her best interests.

Ms. Pelicot is a strong woman who was raised to hold her feelings inside. She is guarded, even in her own family worrying about their feelings and not wanting to hurt them in anyway. Unfortunately, this caused the relationship between she and two of her children to fall apart. This is not unusual in a family crisis either as each person handles trauma in their own way and often do not understand why the other isn’t handling it the way they would want them to. Hopefully her children will read the book and come to understand their mother on a much deeper level.

This is a woman in her seventies. A woman who lived a simple life and until she received the call from the police station, planned to continue living with her husband until they died. It was never a perfect relationship, even from the onset but one in which it appeared each were handling things as a couple. In fact, it was only she that was handling things while her husband was passively/aggressively holding bitterness and planning and plotting his revenge against her you might say.

I am amazed at how self-aware Ms. Pelicot is. Able to review her family history, her marriage, and find forgiveness and compassion for the man who would turn her life and their family upside down. It is easy to see how she was able to heal from this atrocity, in spite of all the challenges she faced from beginning to end. I was glad to read that she did go through psychotherapy with people who specialized in trauma. This most likely had some bearing on her healing process.

The perpetrators/rapists who were in the courtroom, tried to get away with denial. Her husband, at least would stand up for his actions and called them out by identifying them. There were also videos of these men, with Ms. Pelicot, so there was an enormous amount of evidence against them. Her husband received 20 years it sounds like, but I have no doubt that he will die in prison. The rapists got under a decade it sounds like. There were only about 53 that could be identified, as many of the other videos were not well made. Seventeen men tried to appeal the verdict, but with time to reflect, only one stood by his appeal in the end. He had no remorse whatsoever and received an extra year in prison as a result.

In the aftermath of this story, Gisèle Pelicot has made history for women in her country. She has been influential in causing change with regard to how rape is viewed. She was also awarded France’s highest national order of merit, the Légion d’Honneur.

Ms. Pelicot is quite an impressive woman and I imagine her work will not end when it comes to women’s rights. I hope if you are also passionate about this topic, you will consider reading this book. If you are a psychology professional and enjoy forensic files, this is definitely a must read. This book is formative and enlightening for anyone who has experienced sexual abuse in their lifetime or has known someone who has gone through this.