This book was probably the hardest and most challenging book for me to read. Not because of what she suffered, I was a social worker for 8 years and read hundreds of reports about child molest, dealt with clients who were trafficked, girls who were used as prostitutes on the street. It was the “Why” that kept nagging in the back of my head. Why was this incredibly, or seemingly strong woman having a book published posthumously? Why did she die by suicide? As a psychotherapist, I kept searching for answers throughout the book, and I walked away feeling as if I understood what they were.

In the meantime, this is an exceptionally written book by a journalist. In fact, the ghostwriter, Amy Wallace writes the Introduction. It is important that when you read this book, you read all of it, including the intro. I don’t generally read these things, but I felt I needed to with this book. She was stunned herself, but included Virginia’s last email to her, which, in retrospect seems rather haunting. She was begging to get the book published, no matter what happened to her. In fact, it was published a half year after she died.

It wasn’t just this book that I read, I also looked on Wikipedia to get a sense of what else was going on. There was a divorce underway and she and her husband were doing the restraining order, “No, you did it,” angle. It sounds like they both had one at some point. This is the part you don’t see in the book as she only talks about him in romantic terms throughout the book. Unfortunately, a year before she died, they filed for a divorce. Toward the end of her taking her life, she was served a restraining order and told she could not see her two children ever again. Her eldest was an adult, so this is somewhat confusing – but I wasn’t there and this is not discussed in the book.

She married at 19 years old, and spent 22 years of her life, I believe it was, fighting the justice system – with great attorneys it seems. Taking down Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell, Prince Andrew (the title Prince was also a posthumous victory for her), Jean-Luc Brunel (both he and Jeffrey took their lives behind bars) and many others. As she describes her symptoms throughout the book, it is clear that she suffered from PTSD the entire marriage and only touched on therapy – but with no evidence-based treatment. She is not a therapist, I can’t fault her on this. I did work with PTSD, prior to learning Cognitive Processing Therapy – which is the only treatment I use with PTSD clients now. But, prior to learning CPT, I didn’t realize there were approaches, other than EMDR, which I am not a fan of. Her therapists may not have realized this either.

I am also disappointed that her attorneys and even her journalist writer didn’t impress upon her the need for treatment for PTSD. I know they are not therapists either and attorneys don’t really have a lot of respect for psychotherapists on the whole. Not unless they have personally hired them and generally this is for a forensic evaluation or a GAL. This kind of upsets me because I wonder if the attorneys wanted her to stay in the victim mindset. As long as she was still vulnerable, able to cry and stay emotional overall, this made much more of an impact. Virginia had to go through this for 22 years.

She does have amazing psychological insights in the book, she is spot on in what she is talking about. However, I can tell you, from experience, that had she completed CPT or prolonged exposure therapy, neurofeedback, or even EMDR, she might not have come to the same conclusion in her life. These treatments aren’t perfect, but IF you are with a very very good therapist who has experience (not just with the treatment but in life as well) you are going to work through your trauma and come out much stronger and have decreased symptoms. I have a spreadsheet of all my clients scores who have completed CPT with me. None of them would qualify for PTSD, as a diagnosis, by the 12th and final session.

What I see throughout this book is her body collapsing over and over again. If you read Dr. Bessel van der Kolk’s book, The Body Keeps the Score, you will understand the somatic connection with trauma. Not a coincidence that these things happened to her. What we also learn in the next to the last chapter, I believe it was, is that she tried to take her life with pills twice. She was hospitalized and they used Narcan to take it out. On page 363 she says “To finally hear – and see- her acknowledge my experience had more power than I’d ever realized it would. But nevertheless, I have found myself yearning for a lasting peace.” She was now speaking to her mother on Facetime and her mother gave her an apology for allowing her father to repeatedly rape her all of those years as a child. A lasting peace, I would conclude to mean that she wanted an end to her years of trauma and suffering.

Virginia’s story is one of a life of suffering, physically, mentally, and spiritually. She focused more on worrying about her husband, her children, and helping others, rather than helping herself. I don’t blame her of course, I just wish that survivors reading this blog post would get into treatment and vet your counselor to make sure you are choosing the right one. Personally, I don’t feel that anyone should focus on helping others until you have healed your own wounds. When you haven’t worked on your own trauma, how can you possibly know what to say to someone? You can sympathize, you can empathize, but you have to be a role model to others. You have to stay strong, alive, and healthy (as a leader) to help people understand what their symptoms are and that therapy is a necessary road for them to take as well. It is like the oxygen mask on the airplane. She was giving her oxygen to everyone but herself. This is the sad conclusion of her story and it leaves me feeling disappointed yet empathic at the same time.

Other thoughts on this book: It will be triggering to read, if you are a sexual abuse survivor. I definitely recommend psychotherapy first. Secondly, I appreciate that this is not a sensationalist book. This book is like watching a foreign movie. They give you the gist of what is happening but don’t need to dwell on the graphics. Thirdly, I can imagine that if her husband is reading this book now, he is probably realizing a lot of things – like he should have held onto his wife. At the same time, I have no idea what happened in the end. I do have empathy for him though. He married into psychological chaos. His wife was in a crisis when he met her and he had no idea what he was doing. Also, learning all that she went through, one story at a time, I can’t imagine what this must have been like for him as a man. Lastly, I hope her children are in psychotherapy now – even before they read this book. They were very lucky to have had such a devoted mother. Unfortunately, they are asking a lot of questions right now. Survivors torment after a shocking loss.

People who have called her a liar and said she was only in it for the money, calling her a prostitute are people who would judge anyone. They have no psychology background, no forensic experience, and no empathy for what it must be like to be a child of sexual abuse. I wish she wouldn’t have taken them personal. You can’t listen to social media, people who do not know you, who have no filter. I appreciate her explaining why she took money for these things. Emotionally and psychologically, she couldn’t hold down a job. She was going all over the world dealing with these court cases, everyone knew who she was when they saw her. She wasn’t capable of finding a job and eventually even her husband couldn’t work. How was she supposed to pay her bills? Of course she should be compensated for exposing these horrible monsters! And it appears that all the other girls are as well. Good for them. Why are we so jealous about someone who gets money for justice? Why don’t we blame the perpetrators? Only the victims. It is time to take all of the johns to court, to name them, to expose them and to make the public more aware of the atrocities that happen to women each and every day. There are more Jeffrey Epstein’s out there, preying on young girls as we speak. This battle is not over.