One more day that I’ve survived
Another night alone
Pay no mind, I’m doing fine
I’m breathing on my own

I’m here
And I’m on the mend
I’m here
And I’m on the mend my friend

Wake me when the hour arrives
Wake me with my name
See you somewhere down the line
We’re tethered once again

I’m here
And I’m on the mend
I’m here
And I’m on the mend my friend
I’m here
And I’m on the mend
I’m here
And I’m on the mend my friend

Was it you?
Sat alone
Here we go

Close your eyes and stay a while
To take me where you go
Single file we walk the mile
Who’s wandering back home

I’m here
And I’m on the mend
I’m here
And I’m on the mend my friend
I’m here
And I’m on the mend
I’m here
And I’m on the mend my friend

Was it you?
Sat alone

Here we go
Here we go
Here we go
Here we go

Written by: Dave Grohl, Taylor Hawkins, Nate Mendel, Chris Shiflett Album: In Your Honor Released: 2005

The first time I heard this song, I was in the middle of a trauma bond myself and felt very poorly. I felt that “on the mend,” spoke very much of a person who was trying to crawl out of a hole, and this could be from mental illness, sickness, grief, a normal break-up, or a trauma bond from a narcissist.

It starts with “one more day that I’ve survived,” and then goes on to state “another night alone.” This song embellishes on what it is like to be in isolation, in torment, trying to get through this struggle, this wondering, this confusion, but emphasizes that they are on the mend. My favorite line is “I am breathing on my own.” Which would imply that this person only took a breath or were able to breathe, with this other person there to hold them up and carry them through life. On my own almost mimics the “on the mend” line by sarcastically stating to this other person – who will not know this or hear this – the journey they are taking [because of them]. They are on the precipice of a life of their own. The song, to me, seems to show the difficulties, all the way to the end with the “here we go,” symbolically stated four times as if the person is convincing themselves that they are on the mend. The ending also says to me, they might not make it and might end up back to where they started – with the narcissist that they are in a trauma bond with – who helped them to breathe.

“I am here,” seems to be begging someone to pay attention – they are on the mend and want so much for this person to come back and see them. “See you somewhere down the line,” in a trauma bond would be a desperate hope for this person returning and then stating that we are “tethered once again,” as if there is some necessary reason that they are meant to be together, as in the term “soul mates,” that couples loosely use so much as it has been deemed to mean romantic. When they sing “Was it you?” It is almost like they question whether this person was there or they just dreamed it, or imagined that they were in their life. An existential thought process.

The music itself is very somber and slow, as if it is easing into your consciousness, the pain that this person has felt. The melody rises and falls until the singer eases in with his lyrics to explain the reason for the sadness. The ending doesn’t leave you with hope, but a continued persistence of rising up to overcome. You are left with the beginning melody, strumming out of earshot, getting lower and lower. As you are thinking about this song, thoughts go wandering around in your head. Lost in your own self-awareness – seeking the answers. Questioning.

It is hard to watch someone going through a trauma bond, let alone to be in one yourself. For me though, as a therapist, I grew a lot psychologically and spiritually. This was a turning point in my career and in my life. It was what I needed to really begin to feel what narcissism does to a person.

When someone is in a trauma bond, they are sitting by the phone – hoping “they” will call. They are unable to eat (or the opposite – eating too much comfort food). They are blaming themselves. They are asking the therapist “Will he come back?” They might be driving by his /her home, stalking them on social media, talking to a psychic, looking for “signs” from the universe, doing rituals in hopes, anything that might give them some form of willing this person back. Unfortunately, once discarded, it is highly unlikely. However, if they have not discarded you yet, it is very important to block them so you won’t know when they do return. And, if you don’t want to take this advice, than do this. Set very strong boundaries and don’t slip under the weight of their demands, manipulation, and that early love bombing that will get shorter and shorter each time they come back.

Being in a trauma bond, implies that the person you loved, was NOT a good person and that you were NOT in a healthy relationship.